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Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) Question
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<blockquote data-quote="WSM" data-source="post: 249115" data-attributes="member: 5169"><p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">My difficult child has been diagnosis'd this and fits much of the description:</span></p><p></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Superficially charming and engaging, particularly around strangers or those who they feel they can manipulate</span> <span style="color: blue">Yes</span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Indiscriminate affection, often to strangers; but not affectionate on parent's terms</span> <span style="color: blue">Yes</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Problems making eye contact, except when angry or lying</span> <span style="color: blue">No, but does make great eye contact while lying.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">A severe need to control everything and everyone; worsens as the child gets older</span> <span style="color: blue">Very manipulative and worried about not being controlled</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Hypervigilant</span> <span style="color: blue">Doesn't seem to be, but watches and hears everything he can.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Hyperactive, yet lazy in performing tasks</span> <span style="color: blue">No</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Argumentative, often over silly or insignificant things</span> <span style="color: blue">No, just will not cooperate, no need to argue about it</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Frequent tantrums or rage, often over trivial issues <span style="color: blue">Never, used to up until about age 7, never now.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Demanding or clingy, often at inappropriate times</span> <span style="color: blue">No, not anymore, is very aloof, used to have abandonment fears</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Trouble understanding cause and effect</span> <span style="color: blue">OMG ABSOLUTELY</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Poor impulse control</span> <span style="color: blue">yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Lacks morals, values, and spiritual faith</span> <span style="color: #0000ff">yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Little or no empathy; often have not developed a conscience</span> <span style="color: #0000ff">yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Cruelty to animals</span> <span style="color: blue">No</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Lying for no apparent reason</span> <span style="color: #0000ff">yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">False allegations of abuse</span> <span style="color: blue">Constantly since age eight, maybe daily, it's his number one hobby in life, so help me God.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Destructive to property or self</span> <span style="color: blue">yes</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Stealing</span> <span style="color: blue">Yes</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Constant chatter; nonsense questions</span> Yes, sometimes does this, sometimes is sullenly silent. <span style="color: blue">When he does this it's irrelevant questions, why is this penny thinner than the other, what does it mean to masticate, how come sunflowers turn to face the sun? Or he'll chatter on about superheros, video games or harry potter. This causes people to think, oh, he's so bright. No, he's just pulling a bunch of unrelated questions together to get a response from you. Or chattering to chatter. But it's not constant, usually he's sullen.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Abnormal speech patterns; uninterested in learning communication skills</span> <span style="color: blue">No</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Developmental / Learning delays</span> <span style="color: blue">Not really, but often remarked upon how immature he is</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Fascination with fire, blood and gore, weapons, evil; will usually make the bad choice</span> <span style="color: blue">We've seen glimpses of it. It might be why he goes into sullen silences, he doesn't want us to know. Or it might not relate to him at all.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Problems with food; either hoarding it or refusing to eat</span> <span style="color: #0000ff">yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes</span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Concerned with details, but ignoring the main issues</span> <span style="color: blue">Yes</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Few or no long term friends; tend to be loners</span> <span style="color: blue">Yes, but wants friends, gets along, but no best buddies. Not bullied, not a bully. Very guarded, tries to entice friends with stories of his abusive parents.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Attitude of entitlement and self-importance</span> <span style="color: #0000ff">yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes; used to go about saying how special he was, saying he didn't have to follow rules because he was special, once even thought at age 8 that a swing wouldn't hit him if he walked in front of it because he was special.</span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Sneaks things without permission even if he could have had them by asking</span> <span style="color: #0000ff">yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">Triangulation of adults; pitting one against the other</span> <span style="color: blue">A MASTER at this</span></p><p> </p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS'">A darkness behind the eyes when raging</span> <span style="color: blue">If you've seen it, you know what it means. At least three people have since it with difficult child. It's scary.</span></p><p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #0000ff">difficult child does not rage. But he will stare at you unblinkingly if you are yelling at him, lecturing him, telling him something, whatever. Sometimes the look is just "Yah, yah, yah, when are you going to be finished and let me go." Sometimes the look is "I'm off in some far away place, fantasyland and will be back when I'm good and ready so go ahead and say what you're going to say." Sometimes it's a glare: "I'm mad at you, but not going to say anything, just think hateful thoughts about you and I wish you were dead."</span></p><p></p><p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #0000ff">All kids, I guess everyone does those looks. </span></p><p></p><p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #0000ff">difficult child has another look, It's like his eyes get darker and blacker, they stop being the eyes of a child, or even being his eyes, they are cold, knowing, calmly calculating your torture and death. It makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. It's scary. Three people I know of have seen that look on difficult child. My husband has not and when I mention it, he assumes it''s just glaring, the death glare we call it. </span></p><p></p><p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #0000ff">Nope it's more. It's scary. One therapist, who had a son who grew up to be a sociopath said she knew what I was talking about, but almost no one else does. Occasionally it's like even his face changes, not a boy's face, more of an adult face, but not an individual face--or maybe the individuality isn't noticeable because when you see those eyes, you are sort of locked into it.</span></p><p></p><p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #0000ff">difficult child hasn't done it for a while; for a time he was doing it all the time. Once we were all planting palm trees in the front yard and he was doing it to me a lot. I went into the house to get the camcorder, to record the tree planting but hoping get a recording of that face. But he stopped. He knew.</span></p><p></p><p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: #0000ff">If you've seen it, you won't forget it. </span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WSM, post: 249115, member: 5169"] [LEFT][FONT=Trebuchet MS]My difficult child has been diagnosis'd this and fits much of the description:[/FONT][/LEFT] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Superficially charming and engaging, particularly around strangers or those who they feel they can manipulate[/FONT] [COLOR=blue]Yes[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Indiscriminate affection, often to strangers; but not affectionate on parent's terms[/FONT] [COLOR=blue]Yes[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Problems making eye contact, except when angry or lying[/FONT] [COLOR=blue]No, but does make great eye contact while lying.[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]A severe need to control everything and everyone; worsens as the child gets older[/FONT] [COLOR=blue]Very manipulative and worried about not being controlled[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Hypervigilant[/FONT] [COLOR=blue]Doesn't seem to be, but watches and hears everything he can.[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Hyperactive, yet lazy in performing tasks[/FONT] [COLOR=blue]No[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Argumentative, often over silly or insignificant things[/FONT] [COLOR=blue]No, just will not cooperate, no need to argue about it[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Frequent tantrums or rage, often over trivial issues [COLOR=blue]Never, used to up until about age 7, never now.[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Demanding or clingy, often at inappropriate times[/FONT] [COLOR=blue]No, not anymore, is very aloof, used to have abandonment fears[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Trouble understanding cause and effect[/FONT] [COLOR=blue]OMG ABSOLUTELY[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Poor impulse control[/FONT] [COLOR=blue]yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Lacks morals, values, and spiritual faith[/FONT] [COLOR=#0000ff]yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Little or no empathy; often have not developed a conscience[/FONT] [COLOR=#0000ff]yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Cruelty to animals[/FONT] [COLOR=blue]No[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Lying for no apparent reason[/FONT] [COLOR=#0000ff]yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]False allegations of abuse[/FONT] [COLOR=blue]Constantly since age eight, maybe daily, it's his number one hobby in life, so help me God.[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Destructive to property or self[/FONT] [COLOR=blue]yes[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Stealing[/FONT] [COLOR=blue]Yes[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Constant chatter; nonsense questions[/FONT] Yes, sometimes does this, sometimes is sullenly silent. [COLOR=blue]When he does this it's irrelevant questions, why is this penny thinner than the other, what does it mean to masticate, how come sunflowers turn to face the sun? Or he'll chatter on about superheros, video games or harry potter. This causes people to think, oh, he's so bright. No, he's just pulling a bunch of unrelated questions together to get a response from you. Or chattering to chatter. But it's not constant, usually he's sullen.[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Abnormal speech patterns; uninterested in learning communication skills[/FONT] [COLOR=blue]No[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Developmental / Learning delays[/FONT] [COLOR=blue]Not really, but often remarked upon how immature he is[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Fascination with fire, blood and gore, weapons, evil; will usually make the bad choice[/FONT] [COLOR=blue]We've seen glimpses of it. It might be why he goes into sullen silences, he doesn't want us to know. Or it might not relate to him at all.[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Problems with food; either hoarding it or refusing to eat[/FONT] [COLOR=#0000ff]yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Concerned with details, but ignoring the main issues[/FONT] [COLOR=blue]Yes[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Few or no long term friends; tend to be loners[/FONT] [COLOR=blue]Yes, but wants friends, gets along, but no best buddies. Not bullied, not a bully. Very guarded, tries to entice friends with stories of his abusive parents.[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Attitude of entitlement and self-importance[/FONT] [COLOR=#0000ff]yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes; used to go about saying how special he was, saying he didn't have to follow rules because he was special, once even thought at age 8 that a swing wouldn't hit him if he walked in front of it because he was special.[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Sneaks things without permission even if he could have had them by asking[/FONT] [COLOR=#0000ff]yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]Triangulation of adults; pitting one against the other[/FONT] [COLOR=blue]A MASTER at this[/COLOR] [FONT=Trebuchet MS]A darkness behind the eyes when raging[/FONT] [COLOR=blue]If you've seen it, you know what it means. At least three people have since it with difficult child. It's scary.[/COLOR] [LEFT][COLOR=#0000ff]difficult child does not rage. But he will stare at you unblinkingly if you are yelling at him, lecturing him, telling him something, whatever. Sometimes the look is just "Yah, yah, yah, when are you going to be finished and let me go." Sometimes the look is "I'm off in some far away place, fantasyland and will be back when I'm good and ready so go ahead and say what you're going to say." Sometimes it's a glare: "I'm mad at you, but not going to say anything, just think hateful thoughts about you and I wish you were dead."[/COLOR][/LEFT] [LEFT][COLOR=#0000ff]All kids, I guess everyone does those looks. [/COLOR][/LEFT] [LEFT][COLOR=#0000ff]difficult child has another look, It's like his eyes get darker and blacker, they stop being the eyes of a child, or even being his eyes, they are cold, knowing, calmly calculating your torture and death. It makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. It's scary. Three people I know of have seen that look on difficult child. My husband has not and when I mention it, he assumes it''s just glaring, the death glare we call it. [/COLOR][/LEFT] [LEFT][COLOR=#0000ff]Nope it's more. It's scary. One therapist, who had a son who grew up to be a sociopath said she knew what I was talking about, but almost no one else does. Occasionally it's like even his face changes, not a boy's face, more of an adult face, but not an individual face--or maybe the individuality isn't noticeable because when you see those eyes, you are sort of locked into it.[/COLOR][/LEFT] [LEFT][COLOR=#0000ff]difficult child hasn't done it for a while; for a time he was doing it all the time. Once we were all planting palm trees in the front yard and he was doing it to me a lot. I went into the house to get the camcorder, to record the tree planting but hoping get a recording of that face. But he stopped. He knew.[/COLOR][/LEFT] [LEFT][COLOR=#0000ff]If you've seen it, you won't forget it. [/COLOR][/LEFT] [/QUOTE]
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