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Read Clean and feeling confused....
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 592636" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Thanks for all your thoughts. PG I liked that article on detachment... a great reminder that we can detach from their actions but dont need to detach from loving them. Jane.... that NY times review was very accurate I think. He really does not give very direct answers but rather points out there really arent any... a lot more work needs to be done. So Nancy you are not negative just realistic. What I did like about the book was the last part where it is kind of a call to action... that we need to make addiction the squeaky wheel issue and get research and treatment for this disease, similar to what has been done with cancer and AIDS!!! I totally agree with that.</p><p></p><p>As far as the hitting bottom part... that is the part I am having to sort out in my head and your comments have helped! I think where I am coming to and may be is what he is saying is we dont need to try and force our loved ones to hit bottom by rejecting them or punishing them. I think he definitely feels this is an illness and we need to try and help our loved ones find treatment in whatever way we can. So if an intervention works then do it. We definitely cant force any adult into treatment so we need to find ways to encourage, support them to get to treatment. And I believe not enabling them is a part of that... I cant believe anyone would think I should give my son an apartment so he would not be homeless... we all know where that would lead. I really didnt see any other option other than letting my son find his way and be homeless and it did get him to treatment... and even if it was just to get off the street I think I did the right thing by helping him get there. If I had turned my back on him at that point and said you are not at bottom yet then that would not have been helpful and may have made things even worse.</p><p></p><p>And what I got reminded of at my alanon meeting tonight is this is out of my control. I cant force him to do the right things, to follow the rules, to take help. I can continue to let him know I love him and will continue to help him do the next right thing. If at some point we are looking at treatment then I can look into options. </p><p></p><p>Ok time to go watch some tv with my husband.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 592636, member: 15801"] Thanks for all your thoughts. PG I liked that article on detachment... a great reminder that we can detach from their actions but dont need to detach from loving them. Jane.... that NY times review was very accurate I think. He really does not give very direct answers but rather points out there really arent any... a lot more work needs to be done. So Nancy you are not negative just realistic. What I did like about the book was the last part where it is kind of a call to action... that we need to make addiction the squeaky wheel issue and get research and treatment for this disease, similar to what has been done with cancer and AIDS!!! I totally agree with that. As far as the hitting bottom part... that is the part I am having to sort out in my head and your comments have helped! I think where I am coming to and may be is what he is saying is we dont need to try and force our loved ones to hit bottom by rejecting them or punishing them. I think he definitely feels this is an illness and we need to try and help our loved ones find treatment in whatever way we can. So if an intervention works then do it. We definitely cant force any adult into treatment so we need to find ways to encourage, support them to get to treatment. And I believe not enabling them is a part of that... I cant believe anyone would think I should give my son an apartment so he would not be homeless... we all know where that would lead. I really didnt see any other option other than letting my son find his way and be homeless and it did get him to treatment... and even if it was just to get off the street I think I did the right thing by helping him get there. If I had turned my back on him at that point and said you are not at bottom yet then that would not have been helpful and may have made things even worse. And what I got reminded of at my alanon meeting tonight is this is out of my control. I cant force him to do the right things, to follow the rules, to take help. I can continue to let him know I love him and will continue to help him do the next right thing. If at some point we are looking at treatment then I can look into options. Ok time to go watch some tv with my husband. TL [/QUOTE]
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