Reality

New Leaf

Well-Known Member
Hello dear friends,
First of all, I want to thank you all for your kind words and prayers. I am eternally grateful for each and every one of you on this site.
It has been such a shock with my health issue and I have been through quite the emotional, physical and spiritual rollercoaster.
I am blessed to be here on this earth still.
Went to the ER 10/18 after suffering the night prior with excruciating stomach pain, thinking that I would be treated then released. Had a CT scan and was informed I had a “mass”. The word echoed through my head. “You will need to stay the night and prep for a colonoscopy, set up for tomorrow and possibly surgery afterwards.”
I was six hours in the ER and a nurse who had been there when I arrived, was back for his next shift commented to a coworker “She’s still here?” The reply “She has a mass.”
They finally wheeled me up to a room and as I left the ER, the staff peered out from their work stations and whispered that word “mass”. It was a bizarre feeling, between shock and morphine I had no chance to swallow the enormity of it. The route through the ER was like the scene from “The Green Mile” as workers popped up from their seats to see the “lady with the mass….”
Prepped all night with Metamucil, 14 doses to be exact. One has to do what one has to do.
The colonoscopy revealed a blockage and the doctor said “You need surgery”. Gulp.
So, the remainder of 10/19 is sort of a blur as I tried to prepare myself for what was in store for me that Sunday.
The surgeon came in (with cowboy boots on) and explained that he would do robotic surgery. “Sign here and here.” I remember asking him if I would end up with a bag and he said he didn’t think so.Thats pretty much the gist of what I understood about the pending “emergency surgery”. No time to contemplate, or ask for a second opinion.
Surgery, 10/20 (interestingly Tornados birthday).
It was so strange being rolled into the operating room, the machine looming above. The table they had me slide onto was much narrower than in tv shows, and sticky, like contact paper. I felt them strap my legs down, then it was lights out till I woke up in the recovery room.
“Are you in pain?” The nurse asked, I’ll give you some more medications, this is the good stuff, they don’t have this upstairs.” Fentanyl. He walked away then swung round shouting at me to breathe. As he monitored me in the recovery room, we got to chatting a bit and I found out he paddled canoe as a youngster, turned out he was one of the many kids I helped coach.
The nurses were amazingly kind and attentive, I am glad I went to a smaller hospital. My Cowboy Doctor came in and let me know that the surgery went well, the mass was isolated in my colon, no sign of cancer in my abdomen and he was able to harvest around 20 lymph nodes for pathology. “I want you up and walking” he said sternly.
So I got up and gingerly walked around the hospital floor with my iv pole, still trying to fathom what happened. Monday on a liquid diet, Tuesday, more solids, which was difficult to digest, Wednesday released home. Sunday back in the ER with infected incision.
They took out about a third of my colon. My brother told me I now have a “semicolon.”
If you have followed along this far, I apologize for the lengthy and graphic report. I suppose I am writing it out as a release, a reminder and also a warning to everyone to get your colonoscopy scheduled! Yes, it is a hassle and inconvenience, but much less so than what I, and so many others have been through.
I was late for my follow up, by about two years, time and circumstances got in the way.
Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve.
I am much better today, slowly healing and more able to care for myself and my home.
Fortunately, the pathology report revealed that I do not have to do chemo, or radiation. I will be having cat scans routinely every three months for a year, colonoscopy at the year mark, then tapering to 6 month cat scans and check ups.
It is a new beginning for me.
These last 6 weeks of recovery have been challenging. I have always been the “helper”, so being dependent on others has been a very different experience. My little sister flew over to take care of me and my home, that was an enormous blessing. My well children organized to help out as well. Tornado showed up one afternoon, then went MIA again, Rain also came over but is still out there somewhere.
Not going to lie, I have had my moments of discouragement and frustration. It will be a road to fully recover but I am determined to get back to normal, somehow.
One thing this has shown me about my two wayward daughters (again) is that no matter what is going on in my life, they will still choose as they do. I write the “again” because the same was true when my late hubs fell ill and was in and out of the hospital. Even when he passed, it was not earth shaking enough for them to stop using meth, living on the streets.
They have their lives to live, their choices to make, as do we all.
No amount of stress or worry will change that.
It is up to them to want differently. I still wrestle with all the feelings as they walk out of my door, back to their choices, but I know that I cannot house them as long as they choose as they do.
I have thrown years of my life away, desperately trying to change their course. It did not make a difference and only brought chaos to my home.
Our lives matter too.
As I recover and travel this new journey, I am reminded how precious life is, how every breath counts. I hope that my two waywards will one day see their light and choose sobriety, but that is up to them. I can only love them and turn my worries to prayers. Worrying only causes stress and anxiety which is detrimental to health and well being. Prayers work to calm my aching heart and focus on the blessings I have.
Hoping that all of us find peace within ourselves.
It is not an easy thing to achieve, but we are worth the work towards serenity. Life is too short to be continuously vexed over circumstances out of our control.
Mahalo nui loa for your well wishes and prayers.
Malama pono.

(((Hugs)))
New Leaf
 

ksm

Well-Known Member
I am so glad to hear from you and to get an update. Please take care of yourself! I have been looking for you to post and wondering if we would ever get to hear from you again. It's scary when you lose touch with a friend and wonder if they are OK. One might think that an online friendship isn't real...but it is. Missed you! Get better!

Ksm
 

MommaTried24

Active Member
New Leaf I am so happy and grateful for this update! We've all been worried about you and praying for you sister! What a relief and a blessing to know you made it through all of that and not going to have to endure chemo or radiation. God is good! Thank you for letting us know that you're ok and on the road to recovery. May God bless you with good health from this day forward.

Happy Thanksgiving!
 

Nandina

Member
Thank you so much for the update, New Leaf. What an experience! So glad the outcome was good. And I love how your story is filled with humor, although I’m sure at the time it was no laughing matter. I’m glad you had your sister and well children to care for you. Wishing you strength and good health, and once you’ve recovered, we’ll need a jungle garden update. Take good care and stay in touch with us. We care!
 

LetGo

Member
Hello dear friends,
First of all, I want to thank you all for your kind words and prayers. I am eternally grateful for each and every one of you on this site.
It has been such a shock with my health issue and I have been through quite the emotional, physical and spiritual rollercoaster.
I am blessed to be here on this earth still.
Went to the ER 10/18 after suffering the night prior with excruciating stomach pain, thinking that I would be treated then released. Had a CT scan and was informed I had a “mass”. The word echoed through my head. “You will need to stay the night and prep for a colonoscopy, set up for tomorrow and possibly surgery afterwards.”
I was six hours in the ER and a nurse who had been there when I arrived, was back for his next shift commented to a coworker “She’s still here?” The reply “She has a mass.”
They finally wheeled me up to a room and as I left the ER, the staff peered out from their work stations and whispered that word “mass”. It was a bizarre feeling, between shock and morphine I had no chance to swallow the enormity of it. The route through the ER was like the scene from “The Green Mile” as workers popped up from their seats to see the “lady with the mass….”
Prepped all night with Metamucil, 14 doses to be exact. One has to do what one has to do.
The colonoscopy revealed a blockage and the doctor said “You need surgery”. Gulp.
So, the remainder of 10/19 is sort of a blur as I tried to prepare myself for what was in store for me that Sunday.
The surgeon came in (with cowboy boots on) and explained that he would do robotic surgery. “Sign here and here.” I remember asking him if I would end up with a bag and he said he didn’t think so.Thats pretty much the gist of what I understood about the pending “emergency surgery”. No time to contemplate, or ask for a second opinion.
Surgery, 10/20 (interestingly Tornados birthday).
It was so strange being rolled into the operating room, the machine looming above. The table they had me slide onto was much narrower than in tv shows, and sticky, like contact paper. I felt them strap my legs down, then it was lights out till I woke up in the recovery room.
“Are you in pain?” The nurse asked, I’ll give you some more medications, this is the good stuff, they don’t have this upstairs.” Fentanyl. He walked away then swung round shouting at me to breathe. As he monitored me in the recovery room, we got to chatting a bit and I found out he paddled canoe as a youngster, turned out he was one of the many kids I helped coach.
The nurses were amazingly kind and attentive, I am glad I went to a smaller hospital. My Cowboy Doctor came in and let me know that the surgery went well, the mass was isolated in my colon, no sign of cancer in my abdomen and he was able to harvest around 20 lymph nodes for pathology. “I want you up and walking” he said sternly.
So I got up and gingerly walked around the hospital floor with my iv pole, still trying to fathom what happened. Monday on a liquid diet, Tuesday, more solids, which was difficult to digest, Wednesday released home. Sunday back in the ER with infected incision.
They took out about a third of my colon. My brother told me I now have a “semicolon.”
If you have followed along this far, I apologize for the lengthy and graphic report. I suppose I am writing it out as a release, a reminder and also a warning to everyone to get your colonoscopy scheduled! Yes, it is a hassle and inconvenience, but much less so than what I, and so many others have been through.
I was late for my follow up, by about two years, time and circumstances got in the way.
Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve.
I am much better today, slowly healing and more able to care for myself and my home.
Fortunately, the pathology report revealed that I do not have to do chemo, or radiation. I will be having cat scans routinely every three months for a year, colonoscopy at the year mark, then tapering to 6 month cat scans and check ups.
It is a new beginning for me.
These last 6 weeks of recovery have been challenging. I have always been the “helper”, so being dependent on others has been a very different experience. My little sister flew over to take care of me and my home, that was an enormous blessing. My well children organized to help out as well. Tornado showed up one afternoon, then went MIA again, Rain also came over but is still out there somewhere.
Not going to lie, I have had my moments of discouragement and frustration. It will be a road to fully recover but I am determined to get back to normal, somehow.
One thing this has shown me about my two wayward daughters (again) is that no matter what is going on in my life, they will still choose as they do. I write the “again” because the same was true when my late hubs fell ill and was in and out of the hospital. Even when he passed, it was not earth shaking enough for them to stop using meth, living on the streets.
They have their lives to live, their choices to make, as do we all.
No amount of stress or worry will change that.
It is up to them to want differently. I still wrestle with all the feelings as they walk out of my door, back to their choices, but I know that I cannot house them as long as they choose as they do.
I have thrown years of my life away, desperately trying to change their course. It did not make a difference and only brought chaos to my home.
Our lives matter too.
As I recover and travel this new journey, I am reminded how precious life is, how every breath counts. I hope that my two waywards will one day see their light and choose sobriety, but that is up to them. I can only love them and turn my worries to prayers. Worrying only causes stress and anxiety which is detrimental to health and well being. Prayers work to calm my aching heart and focus on the blessings I have.
Hoping that all of us find peace within ourselves.
It is not an easy thing to achieve, but we are worth the work towards serenity. Life is too short to be continuously vexed over circumstances out of our control.
Mahalo nui loa for your well wishes and prayers.
Malama pono.

(((Hugs)))
New Leaf
New Leaf, I am so glad that you got the surgery and that you are on the mend. I am also glad for you that there were others to help you out. I agree with you in that our children choose the lives they live. We ARE worth the work towards serenity. Continue taking care of you. LetGo
 

Beta

Well-Known Member
Hello dear friends,
First of all, I want to thank you all for your kind words and prayers. I am eternally grateful for each and every one of you on this site.
It has been such a shock with my health issue and I have been through quite the emotional, physical and spiritual rollercoaster.
I am blessed to be here on this earth still.
Went to the ER 10/18 after suffering the night prior with excruciating stomach pain, thinking that I would be treated then released. Had a CT scan and was informed I had a “mass”. The word echoed through my head. “You will need to stay the night and prep for a colonoscopy, set up for tomorrow and possibly surgery afterwards.”
I was six hours in the ER and a nurse who had been there when I arrived, was back for his next shift commented to a coworker “She’s still here?” The reply “She has a mass.”
They finally wheeled me up to a room and as I left the ER, the staff peered out from their work stations and whispered that word “mass”. It was a bizarre feeling, between shock and morphine I had no chance to swallow the enormity of it. The route through the ER was like the scene from “The Green Mile” as workers popped up from their seats to see the “lady with the mass….”
Prepped all night with Metamucil, 14 doses to be exact. One has to do what one has to do.
The colonoscopy revealed a blockage and the doctor said “You need surgery”. Gulp.
So, the remainder of 10/19 is sort of a blur as I tried to prepare myself for what was in store for me that Sunday.
The surgeon came in (with cowboy boots on) and explained that he would do robotic surgery. “Sign here and here.” I remember asking him if I would end up with a bag and he said he didn’t think so.Thats pretty much the gist of what I understood about the pending “emergency surgery”. No time to contemplate, or ask for a second opinion.
Surgery, 10/20 (interestingly Tornados birthday).
It was so strange being rolled into the operating room, the machine looming above. The table they had me slide onto was much narrower than in tv shows, and sticky, like contact paper. I felt them strap my legs down, then it was lights out till I woke up in the recovery room.
“Are you in pain?” The nurse asked, I’ll give you some more medications, this is the good stuff, they don’t have this upstairs.” Fentanyl. He walked away then swung round shouting at me to breathe. As he monitored me in the recovery room, we got to chatting a bit and I found out he paddled canoe as a youngster, turned out he was one of the many kids I helped coach.
The nurses were amazingly kind and attentive, I am glad I went to a smaller hospital. My Cowboy Doctor came in and let me know that the surgery went well, the mass was isolated in my colon, no sign of cancer in my abdomen and he was able to harvest around 20 lymph nodes for pathology. “I want you up and walking” he said sternly.
So I got up and gingerly walked around the hospital floor with my iv pole, still trying to fathom what happened. Monday on a liquid diet, Tuesday, more solids, which was difficult to digest, Wednesday released home. Sunday back in the ER with infected incision.
They took out about a third of my colon. My brother told me I now have a “semicolon.”
If you have followed along this far, I apologize for the lengthy and graphic report. I suppose I am writing it out as a release, a reminder and also a warning to everyone to get your colonoscopy scheduled! Yes, it is a hassle and inconvenience, but much less so than what I, and so many others have been through.
I was late for my follow up, by about two years, time and circumstances got in the way.
Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve.
I am much better today, slowly healing and more able to care for myself and my home.
Fortunately, the pathology report revealed that I do not have to do chemo, or radiation. I will be having cat scans routinely every three months for a year, colonoscopy at the year mark, then tapering to 6 month cat scans and check ups.
It is a new beginning for me.
These last 6 weeks of recovery have been challenging. I have always been the “helper”, so being dependent on others has been a very different experience. My little sister flew over to take care of me and my home, that was an enormous blessing. My well children organized to help out as well. Tornado showed up one afternoon, then went MIA again, Rain also came over but is still out there somewhere.
Not going to lie, I have had my moments of discouragemment and frustration. It will be a road to fully recover but I am determined to get back to normal, somehow.
One thing this has shown me about my two wayward daughters (again) is that no matter what is going on in my life, they will still choose as they do. I write the “again” because the same was true when my late hubs fell ill and was in and out of the hospital. Even when he passed, it was not earth shaking enough for them to stop using meth, living on the streets.
They have their lives to live, their choices to make, as do we all.
No amount of stress or worry will change that.
It is up to them to want differently. I still wrestle with all the feelings as they walk out of my door, back to their choices, but I know that I cannot house them as long as they choose as they do.
I have thrown years of my life away, desperately trying to change their course. It did not make a difference and only brought chaos to my home.
Our lives matter too.
As I recover and travel this new journey, I am reminded how precious life is, how every breath counts. I hope that my two waywards will one day see their light and choose sobriety, but that is up to them. I can only love them and turn my worries to prayers. Worrying only causes stress and anxiety which is detrimental to health and well being. Prayers work to calm my aching heart and focus on the blessings I have.
Hoping that all of us find peace within ourselves.
It is not an easy thing to achieve, but we are worth the work towards serenity. Life is too short to be continuously vexed over circumstances out of our control.
Mahalo nui loa for your well wishes and prayers.
Malama pono.

(((Hugs)))
New Leaf
New Leaf,
Wow. I am just gobsmacked at what you have been through. And, as usual, your written account is so descriptive and mesmerizing to read. I definitely wasn't bored as I read it! So don't apologize for the long account.
I'm so sorry for what you've endured and I'm glad you are recovering, albeit slowly. I laughed out loud at what your brother said (semi-colon).
The whole time I was reading it, in the back of my mind, I was thinking about Rain and Tornado and how they were affected by their mother having this close call. And my heart sank to find that they merely paused for a time, and then went right back to the lifestyle. And your perspective was so spot-on: No amount of stress and worry is going to change that, and you have a life to live that is just as important. They have to make a choice to live a different kind of life.
And yes, prayers do work to calm the anxious heart and enable us to persevere in living our lives rather than curl up in a ball and lie in bed all day. Prayer is what I turn to all the time to be able to handle the anxiety and grief that hits me. For some reason, I seem to wake up frequently at around 1 pm many nights and I think God is waking me up to pray for Josh. So I pray and most nights I go back to sleep.
I'm glad you've come through this, and I will be praying for your recovery. May God strengthen your body to heal and may your health be fully restored. May those around you care for you well and bring comfort and encouragement to your heart.
 
New leaf I have been reading your posts both past and present, and your wisdom, strength and humour brings me great comfort as I see it does for so many on here.
You mentioned your daughter’s fleeting visits, then back to ‘business as usual’ and I know what you mean, it doesn’t matter whatever else is happening, even if it’s harming the most important people in their lives, they are all too consumed with fulfilling their ‘needs’.
It sounds like you’ve been through some ordeal, but it also sounds like you’ve reached an ‘enlightenment’ and new appreciation for life….i truly hope you can hold on to this 🙏 and more importantly whilst minding yourself (this is paramount, sounds like you have neglected doing this for far too long), that you get freedom and peace for some well needed healing
 

SeekinghopeNZ

New Member
Hello dear friends,
First of all, I want to thank you all for your kind words and prayers. I am eternally grateful for each and every one of you on this site.
It has been such a shock with my health issue and I have been through quite the emotional, physical and spiritual rollercoaster.
I am blessed to be here on this earth still.
Went to the ER 10/18 after suffering the night prior with excruciating stomach pain, thinking that I would be treated then released. Had a CT scan and was informed I had a “mass”. The word echoed through my head. “You will need to stay the night and prep for a colonoscopy, set up for tomorrow and possibly surgery afterwards.”
I was six hours in the ER and a nurse who had been there when I arrived, was back for his next shift commented to a coworker “She’s still here?” The reply “She has a mass.”
They finally wheeled me up to a room and as I left the ER, the staff peered out from their work stations and whispered that word “mass”. It was a bizarre feeling, between shock and morphine I had no chance to swallow the enormity of it. The route through the ER was like the scene from “The Green Mile” as workers popped up from their seats to see the “lady with the mass….”
Prepped all night with Metamucil, 14 doses to be exact. One has to do what one has to do.
The colonoscopy revealed a blockage and the doctor said “You need surgery”. Gulp.
So, the remainder of 10/19 is sort of a blur as I tried to prepare myself for what was in store for me that Sunday.
The surgeon came in (with cowboy boots on) and explained that he would do robotic surgery. “Sign here and here.” I remember asking him if I would end up with a bag and he said he didn’t think so.Thats pretty much the gist of what I understood about the pending “emergency surgery”. No time to contemplate, or ask for a second opinion.
Surgery, 10/20 (interestingly Tornados birthday).
It was so strange being rolled into the operating room, the machine looming above. The table they had me slide onto was much narrower than in tv shows, and sticky, like contact paper. I felt them strap my legs down, then it was lights out till I woke up in the recovery room.
“Are you in pain?” The nurse asked, I’ll give you some more medications, this is the good stuff, they don’t have this upstairs.” Fentanyl. He walked away then swung round shouting at me to breathe. As he monitored me in the recovery room, we got to chatting a bit and I found out he paddled canoe as a youngster, turned out he was one of the many kids I helped coach.
The nurses were amazingly kind and attentive, I am glad I went to a smaller hospital. My Cowboy Doctor came in and let me know that the surgery went well, the mass was isolated in my colon, no sign of cancer in my abdomen and he was able to harvest around 20 lymph nodes for pathology. “I want you up and walking” he said sternly.
So I got up and gingerly walked around the hospital floor with my iv pole, still trying to fathom what happened. Monday on a liquid diet, Tuesday, more solids, which was difficult to digest, Wednesday released home. Sunday back in the ER with infected incision.
They took out about a third of my colon. My brother told me I now have a “semicolon.”
If you have followed along this far, I apologize for the lengthy and graphic report. I suppose I am writing it out as a release, a reminder and also a warning to everyone to get your colonoscopy scheduled! Yes, it is a hassle and inconvenience, but much less so than what I, and so many others have been through.
I was late for my follow up, by about two years, time and circumstances got in the way.
Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve.
I am much better today, slowly healing and more able to care for myself and my home.
Fortunately, the pathology report revealed that I do not have to do chemo, or radiation. I will be having cat scans routinely every three months for a year, colonoscopy at the year mark, then tapering to 6 month cat scans and check ups.
It is a new beginning for me.
These last 6 weeks of recovery have been challenging. I have always been the “helper”, so being dependent on others has been a very different experience. My little sister flew over to take care of me and my home, that was an enormous blessing. My well children organized to help out as well. Tornado showed up one afternoon, then went MIA again, Rain also came over but is still out there somewhere.
Not going to lie, I have had my moments of discouragement and frustration. It will be a road to fully recover but I am determined to get back to normal, somehow.
One thing this has shown me about my two wayward daughters (again) is that no matter what is going on in my life, they will still choose as they do. I write the “again” because the same was true when my late hubs fell ill and was in and out of the hospital. Even when he passed, it was not earth shaking enough for them to stop using meth, living on the streets.
They have their lives to live, their choices to make, as do we all.
No amount of stress or worry will change that.
It is up to them to want differently. I still wrestle with all the feelings as they walk out of my door, back to their choices, but I know that I cannot house them as long as they choose as they do.
I have thrown years of my life away, desperately trying to change their course. It did not make a difference and only brought chaos to my home.
Our lives matter too.
As I recover and travel this new journey, I am reminded how precious life is, how every breath counts. I hope that my two waywards will one day see their light and choose sobriety, but that is up to them. I can only love them and turn my worries to prayers. Worrying only causes stress and anxiety which is detrimental to health and well being. Prayers work to calm my aching heart and focus on the blessings I have.
Hoping that all of us find peace within ourselves.
It is not an easy thing to achieve, but we are worth the work towards serenity. Life is too short to be continuously vexed over circumstances out of our control.
Mahalo nui loa for your well wishes and prayers.
Malama pono.

(((Hugs)))
New Leaf
Like many others I wondered how you were doing and it is with an uplifted heart that I hear you have come through a very difficulty time.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
I don't know why I am only now seeing your update, New Leaf!! I'm sorry.
he was one of the many kids I helped coach.
This is wonderful!!
My brother told me I now have a “semicolon.”
Funny.
the pathology report revealed that I do not have to do chemo, or radiation.
What a miracle.

How are you doing? Do you have help? What a wake-up call, to "smell the roses." We don't need the grief we live. It's enough already. Too much. I am so grateful you were able be back. It's lonely without you. (No pressure.) Love, Copa
 
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