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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 751349" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Beta,</p><p></p><p></p><p>This is a hard pill to swallow isn't it? My sons, especially the older son is exactly like this. I am glad you are putting off your trip until October. Maybe things will have improved a bit by then. One can only hope.</p><p></p><p>Of course, you love him despite what he's become. We all do. We just dislike how mental illness, drugs etc. have destroyed their lives. It was the same thing with my ex of 30 yrs. who destroyed all we had with alcoholism. I don't blame him. I hate the disease and my heart aches that he could never get sober for himself. We mourn for that. It's normal and ok.</p><p></p><p>For some reason, this is the journey God has for me. If I embrace it similar to child birth pains and breath, relax and let life takes its course the pain will lessen. If I hold on tight and try to force things to be as I wish, it just creates more anxiety, sorrow and pain within me. The pain will then get all jammed up and one way or the other I will still have to work it out. No matter what, we have to go "through" these things to come out the other side. We can try to go around, above or beside them (which I had been doing for a very long time) but then they will still be there. Once we realize this and accept it, the better. Then we can begin to learn and heal rather than stay in a place if ignorance, doubt, anger, denial and darkness.</p><p></p><p>I try to think of this similar to my alcoholic ex. He unfortunately, never dealt with some childhood abuse that caused an abundance of issues for him throughout his life. He chose to bury his feelings by numbing with alcohol and then then alcohol was his addiction that then physically deprived him of healthy relationships and a healthy body and mind. There will always be a trade off if we do not confront, work through, heal and become enlightened about our problems.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 751349, member: 23405"] Beta, This is a hard pill to swallow isn't it? My sons, especially the older son is exactly like this. I am glad you are putting off your trip until October. Maybe things will have improved a bit by then. One can only hope. Of course, you love him despite what he's become. We all do. We just dislike how mental illness, drugs etc. have destroyed their lives. It was the same thing with my ex of 30 yrs. who destroyed all we had with alcoholism. I don't blame him. I hate the disease and my heart aches that he could never get sober for himself. We mourn for that. It's normal and ok. For some reason, this is the journey God has for me. If I embrace it similar to child birth pains and breath, relax and let life takes its course the pain will lessen. If I hold on tight and try to force things to be as I wish, it just creates more anxiety, sorrow and pain within me. The pain will then get all jammed up and one way or the other I will still have to work it out. No matter what, we have to go "through" these things to come out the other side. We can try to go around, above or beside them (which I had been doing for a very long time) but then they will still be there. Once we realize this and accept it, the better. Then we can begin to learn and heal rather than stay in a place if ignorance, doubt, anger, denial and darkness. I try to think of this similar to my alcoholic ex. He unfortunately, never dealt with some childhood abuse that caused an abundance of issues for him throughout his life. He chose to bury his feelings by numbing with alcohol and then then alcohol was his addiction that then physically deprived him of healthy relationships and a healthy body and mind. There will always be a trade off if we do not confront, work through, heal and become enlightened about our problems. [/QUOTE]
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