I totally understand where you are coming from. The avoiding taking your child places, feeling defeated, worrying, etc. I have tried so many different parenting/discipline techniques. I always just thought I was a bad parent. Dont blame yourself, you obviously love him very much and are doing your best, sometimes it just takes extra help to get a handle on things. I can't give you much advice, I'm new to this too and we are just starting on our journey to find a solution, but I can tell you that I understand what you're going through, and that you are not a bad parent. Try to take it easy on yourself (easier said than done).