Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Rec'd another letter from difficult child
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 405472" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>This is an awful situation, and has been for a very long time. I am sure you have cried rivers of tears wondering how on earth it ever could have turned out this way. All that you can do is to try to be a voice of reason for difficult child. Steely was exactly right when she said what happened when someone "had it out for" her son. They make a bad decision and then when a consequence is applied they decide the other person has it out for them, so they keep using that to excuse their poor decisions.</p><p></p><p>Your difficult child is working super hard to manipulate you and make you feel horrible for not saying that he can come home and do whatever he wants and you will pay for it all with every penny you don't have - all because he is still refusing to accept that HE is largely responsible for his current situation. He IS gullible and will only get over this the hard way. That is just how he is wired, even though it hurts so terribly to watch and try to help him through it all.</p><p> </p><p>difficult child knows what the issues with your brother are, at least to a certain extent. He also knows you would do anything you could to keep your bro away from him. This is yet another way to manipulate you, in my opinion. He won't give a straight answer because it would put your mind and heart at ease. I don't know if he will ever choose to make a life outside the "system", and that is a horrible thing. I wish there was a way to hold the PO and GAL from the prior area responsible for this as they flat out ignored not only the PO but also every single parenting book out there. There directions to you went against every concept of decent parenting and gave difficult child permission to do anything he watned because HE wouldn't be held accountable. in my opinion they should pay a HUGE portion of their earnings for the forseeable future into a fund to pay to help you and difficult child both with the costs of therapy and for the pain and suffering they caused. ALL monies to difficult child should be put into a trust that you control that he can only access after he has successfully learned to live outside the "system" for a few years. Sadly, it won't happen. They won't pay and I doubt that suing them would amount to anything. It might be worht it if you had a lot of money to invest in this cause, but even then it probably wouldn't be heard by a judge because then PO's and GAL's might have to be accountable for their actions. </p><p> </p><p>I hope and pray that at some point your difficult child decides that he wants to do the hard work and therapy that are needed so that he can live out in the world. I also hope that at some point he can learn to drop the manipulation attempts. </p><p> </p><p>You are, and have been, a great mother. I know things haven't turned out the way you wanted them to, but that is NOT your fault regardless of what difficult child or anyone elese says. You did the very best you could in an awful set of circumstances. All you can do is continue to love him and do your best to not get caught by his manipulations so that you can be the voice of sanity.</p><p> </p><p>It might be helpful to get a book called Reality Therapy by Wm Glasser (<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Reality-Therapy-Approach-Psychiatry-Colophon/dp/0060904143/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1297002165&sr=8-1" target="_blank">http://www.amazon.com/Reality-Therapy-Approach-Psychiatry-Colophon/dp/0060904143/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1297002165&sr=8-1</a>). This therapy is being used in prisons all over the world to help inmates learn to live a better life. My stepMIL teaches it to those who work with inmates at prisons in this country and in many other countries. Often she works with "lifers" to help them become able to counsel other inmates as to how they can turn their lives around and not get pulled back into the criminal life once they are released. She was working with a group who was almost exclusively in jail for murder back wehn husband and I married. These men then worked with others and really helped them. The impact this has made in all of their lives is incredible. I have read letters from some of them that detail the huge ways this helped them see how their choices caused their problems, and how it helped them move from blame and entitlement to a positive new life of responsibility. There is also a second book called Choice Therapy by Dr. Glasser that is also part of the program and helpful. </p><p> </p><p>It might give you some insights as to how to help difficult child help himself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 405472, member: 1233"] This is an awful situation, and has been for a very long time. I am sure you have cried rivers of tears wondering how on earth it ever could have turned out this way. All that you can do is to try to be a voice of reason for difficult child. Steely was exactly right when she said what happened when someone "had it out for" her son. They make a bad decision and then when a consequence is applied they decide the other person has it out for them, so they keep using that to excuse their poor decisions. Your difficult child is working super hard to manipulate you and make you feel horrible for not saying that he can come home and do whatever he wants and you will pay for it all with every penny you don't have - all because he is still refusing to accept that HE is largely responsible for his current situation. He IS gullible and will only get over this the hard way. That is just how he is wired, even though it hurts so terribly to watch and try to help him through it all. difficult child knows what the issues with your brother are, at least to a certain extent. He also knows you would do anything you could to keep your bro away from him. This is yet another way to manipulate you, in my opinion. He won't give a straight answer because it would put your mind and heart at ease. I don't know if he will ever choose to make a life outside the "system", and that is a horrible thing. I wish there was a way to hold the PO and GAL from the prior area responsible for this as they flat out ignored not only the PO but also every single parenting book out there. There directions to you went against every concept of decent parenting and gave difficult child permission to do anything he watned because HE wouldn't be held accountable. in my opinion they should pay a HUGE portion of their earnings for the forseeable future into a fund to pay to help you and difficult child both with the costs of therapy and for the pain and suffering they caused. ALL monies to difficult child should be put into a trust that you control that he can only access after he has successfully learned to live outside the "system" for a few years. Sadly, it won't happen. They won't pay and I doubt that suing them would amount to anything. It might be worht it if you had a lot of money to invest in this cause, but even then it probably wouldn't be heard by a judge because then PO's and GAL's might have to be accountable for their actions. I hope and pray that at some point your difficult child decides that he wants to do the hard work and therapy that are needed so that he can live out in the world. I also hope that at some point he can learn to drop the manipulation attempts. You are, and have been, a great mother. I know things haven't turned out the way you wanted them to, but that is NOT your fault regardless of what difficult child or anyone elese says. You did the very best you could in an awful set of circumstances. All you can do is continue to love him and do your best to not get caught by his manipulations so that you can be the voice of sanity. It might be helpful to get a book called Reality Therapy by Wm Glasser ([URL]http://www.amazon.com/Reality-Therapy-Approach-Psychiatry-Colophon/dp/0060904143/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1297002165&sr=8-1[/URL]). This therapy is being used in prisons all over the world to help inmates learn to live a better life. My stepMIL teaches it to those who work with inmates at prisons in this country and in many other countries. Often she works with "lifers" to help them become able to counsel other inmates as to how they can turn their lives around and not get pulled back into the criminal life once they are released. She was working with a group who was almost exclusively in jail for murder back wehn husband and I married. These men then worked with others and really helped them. The impact this has made in all of their lives is incredible. I have read letters from some of them that detail the huge ways this helped them see how their choices caused their problems, and how it helped them move from blame and entitlement to a positive new life of responsibility. There is also a second book called Choice Therapy by Dr. Glasser that is also part of the program and helpful. It might give you some insights as to how to help difficult child help himself. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Rec'd another letter from difficult child
Top