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Rec'd another letter from difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 405503" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>klmno - the thing that really struck me is that difficult child has really gotten good at trying to dump all this on other people. He's gotten charges because other people have it in for him? How 'bout he's gotten charges because he hasn't toed the line. Maybe they are watching him closer, but for heaven's sake, he *cut your clothing off of you* to get money (or cigs or whatever it was). Consequences are a bear. </p><p></p><p>He's not going to come home unless you trust him. EXCUSE ME? What on earth has he done to warrant trust? Trust is freely given the first time around. After it's lost, it has to be re-earned. Sorry, but I'm just seeing red on your behalf. It's emotional blackmail, pure and simple. What would his response be if you told him he *can't* come home unless he goes to school, obeys curfew, quits stealing, quits sneaking out? It's your home, it's your rules. Heck, it's society's rules as well. This is on his shoulders, hon.</p><p></p><p>I understand the regrets of coulda/shoulda/woulda. Maybe Residential Treatment Center (RTC) would have helped. But you need to understand that that institutionalization mindset can occur in RTCs as well. You might be dealing with- a whole different set of issues at this point. I absolutely *do not* believe that your son's future is written in stone. He may be one of those kids who has to live a really hard life before he starts making positive changes. That doesn't make any easier for you, at all, but... I certainly do not think it's an either/or kind of situation in terms of what kind of life he will be living in 2/5/10 years. </p><p></p><p>He has got to start taking responsibility for his actions. You cannot protect him from his choices. Personally, I think you need to call him on the absolute bologna about he won't live with you unless you trust him. How 'bout you won't live with him until he's *trustworthy*??? His choice (as it has been for quite a while now).</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry - I know it's just heartbreaking, trying to work with a kid who has so much potential, who you love so much, but who is intent on making such poor choices time after time after time. Many gentle hugs to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 405503, member: 8"] klmno - the thing that really struck me is that difficult child has really gotten good at trying to dump all this on other people. He's gotten charges because other people have it in for him? How 'bout he's gotten charges because he hasn't toed the line. Maybe they are watching him closer, but for heaven's sake, he *cut your clothing off of you* to get money (or cigs or whatever it was). Consequences are a bear. He's not going to come home unless you trust him. EXCUSE ME? What on earth has he done to warrant trust? Trust is freely given the first time around. After it's lost, it has to be re-earned. Sorry, but I'm just seeing red on your behalf. It's emotional blackmail, pure and simple. What would his response be if you told him he *can't* come home unless he goes to school, obeys curfew, quits stealing, quits sneaking out? It's your home, it's your rules. Heck, it's society's rules as well. This is on his shoulders, hon. I understand the regrets of coulda/shoulda/woulda. Maybe Residential Treatment Center (RTC) would have helped. But you need to understand that that institutionalization mindset can occur in RTCs as well. You might be dealing with- a whole different set of issues at this point. I absolutely *do not* believe that your son's future is written in stone. He may be one of those kids who has to live a really hard life before he starts making positive changes. That doesn't make any easier for you, at all, but... I certainly do not think it's an either/or kind of situation in terms of what kind of life he will be living in 2/5/10 years. He has got to start taking responsibility for his actions. You cannot protect him from his choices. Personally, I think you need to call him on the absolute bologna about he won't live with you unless you trust him. How 'bout you won't live with him until he's *trustworthy*??? His choice (as it has been for quite a while now). I'm so sorry - I know it's just heartbreaking, trying to work with a kid who has so much potential, who you love so much, but who is intent on making such poor choices time after time after time. Many gentle hugs to you. [/QUOTE]
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Rec'd another letter from difficult child
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