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Rec'd another letter from difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 405506" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>That's my intent slsh- to call him on it. Otherwise, he'll be treating me this way all his life and trying this BS with everyone- just like my extended family. It was one thing to go to any length to keep him from having to live with my bro at 12 or 13yo but he'll be about 17yo when he's released this time so my intent is to present it to difficult child that I'm advocating for him to go to a half way house because I still am his legal guardian and will not lose parental rights even if he gets turned over to dss. But if he ends up getting placed some place besides a half way house, then he's big enough to defend himself physically if need be and he will have to deal with any mind games to manipualte him as best he can. It will simply be out of my control and there's not much I can do about his determination to plow into independence and making his own choices at this point, given his age and circumstances. I will remind him that I did my best to protect him from things like that when he was younger but he obviously thinks he's old enough to handle it all on his own now so there's not much I can do to control the outcome. I won't sign him over to dss but if he fights for that instead of a half way house and that's what the judge decides, I really have no control over the outcome. If my bro does something illegal regarding my son and I catch wind of it though, I will be making sure charges are filed against my bro.</p><p></p><p>As both you & Susie pointed out, it IS emotional blackmail and I do see that. Between difficult child seeing how I would go to any length to keep him from my bro's hands in the past and the PO and GAL enforcing to difficult child that I would be the one blamed if he got into trouble for not going to school, etc, and threatening to send him to dss/bro over every infraction difficult child committed, difficult child became convinced he could walk all over me. But what he hasn't banked on is that what worked in that jurisdiction with those specific people and at that age might not work in this jurisdiction with different people and at 17 yo.</p><p></p><p>What started all this conversation between me and difficult child in the first place is me reminding him that if I couldn't feel comfortable that he was going to come home and live by the rules this time, I couldn't feel comfortable advocaating or allowing that because I would feel like an incompetent mother setting him up for failure if I did. I simply can't continue to keep trying things the previous courts people continuously pushed for, knowing that they have not worked or helped difficult child in any way. AndI do need to remember to tell difficult child that this PO said he'd be on house arrest this time to. The PO stays in control of difficult child's requirements, not me. Now it isn't quite clear what happens if he gets turned over to dss. It appears that it's an either/or, as far as if a kid gets turned over to dss, then dss has authority, not Department of Juvenile Justice anymore. But that seems absurd to me- that the kid would automatically be off parole and not have anymore court requirements or have to answer to a PO?? But, they do a lot of things that seem absurd to me.</p><p></p><p>As far as a staff person being out to get him- I do realize that it really isn't s staff person "victimizing" difficult child or setting him up. It sounded more like they have learned not to trust him as much as they thought they could so now he has a particular one watching him like a hawk and probably really has gotten to a point of blaming him when he really didn't do it (based on one situation he described but a teacher vouched for him that difficult child was telling the truth), but I also realize that we all (authority figures) get to that point after a while when difficult children continue to betray trust and sneak around. When I wrote about that, I was just relaying what difficult child said in his letter- not meaning to imply that I bought all of it being an accurate perception of his or factual.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 405506, member: 3699"] That's my intent slsh- to call him on it. Otherwise, he'll be treating me this way all his life and trying this BS with everyone- just like my extended family. It was one thing to go to any length to keep him from having to live with my bro at 12 or 13yo but he'll be about 17yo when he's released this time so my intent is to present it to difficult child that I'm advocating for him to go to a half way house because I still am his legal guardian and will not lose parental rights even if he gets turned over to dss. But if he ends up getting placed some place besides a half way house, then he's big enough to defend himself physically if need be and he will have to deal with any mind games to manipualte him as best he can. It will simply be out of my control and there's not much I can do about his determination to plow into independence and making his own choices at this point, given his age and circumstances. I will remind him that I did my best to protect him from things like that when he was younger but he obviously thinks he's old enough to handle it all on his own now so there's not much I can do to control the outcome. I won't sign him over to dss but if he fights for that instead of a half way house and that's what the judge decides, I really have no control over the outcome. If my bro does something illegal regarding my son and I catch wind of it though, I will be making sure charges are filed against my bro. As both you & Susie pointed out, it IS emotional blackmail and I do see that. Between difficult child seeing how I would go to any length to keep him from my bro's hands in the past and the PO and GAL enforcing to difficult child that I would be the one blamed if he got into trouble for not going to school, etc, and threatening to send him to dss/bro over every infraction difficult child committed, difficult child became convinced he could walk all over me. But what he hasn't banked on is that what worked in that jurisdiction with those specific people and at that age might not work in this jurisdiction with different people and at 17 yo. What started all this conversation between me and difficult child in the first place is me reminding him that if I couldn't feel comfortable that he was going to come home and live by the rules this time, I couldn't feel comfortable advocaating or allowing that because I would feel like an incompetent mother setting him up for failure if I did. I simply can't continue to keep trying things the previous courts people continuously pushed for, knowing that they have not worked or helped difficult child in any way. AndI do need to remember to tell difficult child that this PO said he'd be on house arrest this time to. The PO stays in control of difficult child's requirements, not me. Now it isn't quite clear what happens if he gets turned over to dss. It appears that it's an either/or, as far as if a kid gets turned over to dss, then dss has authority, not Department of Juvenile Justice anymore. But that seems absurd to me- that the kid would automatically be off parole and not have anymore court requirements or have to answer to a PO?? But, they do a lot of things that seem absurd to me. As far as a staff person being out to get him- I do realize that it really isn't s staff person "victimizing" difficult child or setting him up. It sounded more like they have learned not to trust him as much as they thought they could so now he has a particular one watching him like a hawk and probably really has gotten to a point of blaming him when he really didn't do it (based on one situation he described but a teacher vouched for him that difficult child was telling the truth), but I also realize that we all (authority figures) get to that point after a while when difficult children continue to betray trust and sneak around. When I wrote about that, I was just relaying what difficult child said in his letter- not meaning to imply that I bought all of it being an accurate perception of his or factual. [/QUOTE]
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Rec'd another letter from difficult child
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