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Rec'd another letter from difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 405540" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I seriously doubt that difficult child realizes that things have changed regarding your manipulatability, esp in regards to his age. He has felt invincible for many years, esp since the PO and GAL started telling him that he wouldn't get punished no matter what you said. In his mind YOU are still the same and his ability to push you around with the dss/bro threat is the same. It seems to be the one thing that being a minor is good for in his mind other than having Mom pay the bills and provide him with whatever he thinks he needs. The idea that you think he is now old enough to fight off your bro if needed AND to fight off others if he insists on being in those situations has NOT occurred to him. He thinks that he can get you to agree to things based on the "threat" to him that he thinks that you perceive. </p><p> </p><p>I also do not think that he realizes that doing things like he did before when he was released will NOT get him sent to juvie after he is 17. If he goes and cuts the pockets off someone else's clothing or he assaults them after he is released at age 17, the likelihood of him going to juvy is pretty low. Those are likely to be felonies, esp with his record, and he will be in "big boy jail" which is totally different from juvie - TOTALLY. I hope he never has to see how different, but it may be the ONLY thing that gets him to realize he needs to change his ways. It works liek that for a LOT of people, sadly enough. The main reason my gfgbro went to rehab and actually worked the program was because he looked at all the other guys in jail and realized that if he didn't stop drinking he would be in and out of jail for the rest of his life. Before that he drank coffee, water, beer and booze. Once in a while milk. But that was ALL. It took 2 weeks in jail to come to this realization though he was promising all of it within 24 hours of being in jail. </p><p> </p><p>I completely agree that his life is NOT set in stone with incarceration as an adult being guaranteed. It will take a lot of growth and strength on his part to have this happen, but that is possible. Heck, if he would use 1/4th of the effort, energy and planning that he puts into getting into trouble into staying out of trouble he would likely be a big success.</p><p> </p><p>The book I recommended can be very helpful in getting people to see how their behavior and choices determines what they can and cannot do. Seems like a simple concept, but many people have problems with it. It is apparently very common for those in prison/jail/juvie to think that anything negative that happens in their life is completely not their fault, regardless of if anyone else was involved or not. That is part of what the books are aimed at helping people change, and a large part of the focus of both reality and choice therapy. I think Star can tell you more about it - I remember suggesting it to her for Dude and she was already familiar with it. I think it was Star.</p><p> </p><p>Anyway, he is really blessed to have you for a mom, whether he knows it or not. I hope that in a few years he is at the point where he is healthy, happy and living a successful life without any court involvement or manipulation of you or contact with your relatives.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 405540, member: 1233"] I seriously doubt that difficult child realizes that things have changed regarding your manipulatability, esp in regards to his age. He has felt invincible for many years, esp since the PO and GAL started telling him that he wouldn't get punished no matter what you said. In his mind YOU are still the same and his ability to push you around with the dss/bro threat is the same. It seems to be the one thing that being a minor is good for in his mind other than having Mom pay the bills and provide him with whatever he thinks he needs. The idea that you think he is now old enough to fight off your bro if needed AND to fight off others if he insists on being in those situations has NOT occurred to him. He thinks that he can get you to agree to things based on the "threat" to him that he thinks that you perceive. I also do not think that he realizes that doing things like he did before when he was released will NOT get him sent to juvie after he is 17. If he goes and cuts the pockets off someone else's clothing or he assaults them after he is released at age 17, the likelihood of him going to juvy is pretty low. Those are likely to be felonies, esp with his record, and he will be in "big boy jail" which is totally different from juvie - TOTALLY. I hope he never has to see how different, but it may be the ONLY thing that gets him to realize he needs to change his ways. It works liek that for a LOT of people, sadly enough. The main reason my gfgbro went to rehab and actually worked the program was because he looked at all the other guys in jail and realized that if he didn't stop drinking he would be in and out of jail for the rest of his life. Before that he drank coffee, water, beer and booze. Once in a while milk. But that was ALL. It took 2 weeks in jail to come to this realization though he was promising all of it within 24 hours of being in jail. I completely agree that his life is NOT set in stone with incarceration as an adult being guaranteed. It will take a lot of growth and strength on his part to have this happen, but that is possible. Heck, if he would use 1/4th of the effort, energy and planning that he puts into getting into trouble into staying out of trouble he would likely be a big success. The book I recommended can be very helpful in getting people to see how their behavior and choices determines what they can and cannot do. Seems like a simple concept, but many people have problems with it. It is apparently very common for those in prison/jail/juvie to think that anything negative that happens in their life is completely not their fault, regardless of if anyone else was involved or not. That is part of what the books are aimed at helping people change, and a large part of the focus of both reality and choice therapy. I think Star can tell you more about it - I remember suggesting it to her for Dude and she was already familiar with it. I think it was Star. Anyway, he is really blessed to have you for a mom, whether he knows it or not. I hope that in a few years he is at the point where he is healthy, happy and living a successful life without any court involvement or manipulation of you or contact with your relatives. [/QUOTE]
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