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Relationship issue...need advice
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 169571" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: indigo">{{{Janet}}} I like everything that everyone said and compromise is usually a good solution. Will H compromise? I don't think swimming across shark infested waters is a true testament to loving someone, but it does come close, <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/redface.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":redface:" title="redface :redface:" data-shortname=":redface:" />.</span></span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: indigo">If you can, find an hour of peace and quiet, uninterrupted. Sit with a pad and pen and close your eyes and do some self talk - talk away all the things you think about on a daily basis. Travel back in time (in your mind) and try to remember the things you used to do that fed your soul, lifted your spirits and put your mind at ease, made you smile and feel good about yourself. Write them on your pad. After listing one item at a time, think about that one activity and how it would apply in your life today - is it doable? Is it within your means? Will it still bring you joy? Are you still interested enough to pursue it? After you write each item and ask yourself those questions, you will have something to work with for your time alone, while H is off fishing. </span></span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: indigo">Much as I think it's important for H's and W's to spend time together, I also feel that it's important for us to spend some time apart to feed our own souls and do things that WE enjoy without always having the other tag along, Know what I mean?? </span></span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: indigo">I really REALLY enjoy my gardens. I love weeding them, because it gives me time to just sort of do this repetitive action and think or not think at all. I take in my surroundings of nature and breathe it all in; it puts me at peace. I sit on the ground and let my bottom get wet from the moist earth and just pick at the weeds very slowly. I find it relaxing. Sometimes I go out with a hand clipper and shape and cut back overgrown shrubs or smaller plants. Sometimes I snip herbs for harvesting and freezing. It's a way to do something for me and get away from H for a bit, and difficult child. I tell them, "No phone calls" while I'm out there doing my thing. </span></span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: indigo">Do you enjoy reading, or journaling? Perhaps you could join H while he's fishing and read or journal a little? It's a way for you to be 'with' one another, but still affords H his time to do his thing while you do yours. </span></span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: indigo">I won't claim to have the perfectly balanced marriage, that's for sure, but I sure wish that H would figure out something to do besides work. All he does is work, eat, watch tv and sleep. When we were first together, he was an avid cyclist. Now he has two bicycles that sit in our shed and do nothing but get rustier every year. I would LOVE to see him go on his 30 mile bike rides again and burn off some stress. H becomes annoyed with me if I plan too much time out of the house but yet, when we're together, there's nothing going on. So, what's his beef? Do you see where I'm heading with this? Much as you don't want to be told to find a hobby, you DO need to find something just for you - something that you like a lot to match H's love of fishing. Consider it an escape - and then compromise with H about how much of your time will be spent on those things. </span></span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: indigo">Hugs~</span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 169571, member: 2211"] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=indigo]{{{Janet}}} I like everything that everyone said and compromise is usually a good solution. Will H compromise? I don't think swimming across shark infested waters is a true testament to loving someone, but it does come close, :blushing:.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=indigo]If you can, find an hour of peace and quiet, uninterrupted. Sit with a pad and pen and close your eyes and do some self talk - talk away all the things you think about on a daily basis. Travel back in time (in your mind) and try to remember the things you used to do that fed your soul, lifted your spirits and put your mind at ease, made you smile and feel good about yourself. Write them on your pad. After listing one item at a time, think about that one activity and how it would apply in your life today - is it doable? Is it within your means? Will it still bring you joy? Are you still interested enough to pursue it? After you write each item and ask yourself those questions, you will have something to work with for your time alone, while H is off fishing. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=indigo]Much as I think it's important for H's and W's to spend time together, I also feel that it's important for us to spend some time apart to feed our own souls and do things that WE enjoy without always having the other tag along, Know what I mean?? [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=indigo]I really REALLY enjoy my gardens. I love weeding them, because it gives me time to just sort of do this repetitive action and think or not think at all. I take in my surroundings of nature and breathe it all in; it puts me at peace. I sit on the ground and let my bottom get wet from the moist earth and just pick at the weeds very slowly. I find it relaxing. Sometimes I go out with a hand clipper and shape and cut back overgrown shrubs or smaller plants. Sometimes I snip herbs for harvesting and freezing. It's a way to do something for me and get away from H for a bit, and difficult child. I tell them, "No phone calls" while I'm out there doing my thing. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=indigo]Do you enjoy reading, or journaling? Perhaps you could join H while he's fishing and read or journal a little? It's a way for you to be 'with' one another, but still affords H his time to do his thing while you do yours. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=indigo]I won't claim to have the perfectly balanced marriage, that's for sure, but I sure wish that H would figure out something to do besides work. All he does is work, eat, watch tv and sleep. When we were first together, he was an avid cyclist. Now he has two bicycles that sit in our shed and do nothing but get rustier every year. I would LOVE to see him go on his 30 mile bike rides again and burn off some stress. H becomes annoyed with me if I plan too much time out of the house but yet, when we're together, there's nothing going on. So, what's his beef? Do you see where I'm heading with this? Much as you don't want to be told to find a hobby, you DO need to find something just for you - something that you like a lot to match H's love of fishing. Consider it an escape - and then compromise with H about how much of your time will be spent on those things. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=indigo]Hugs~[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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