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Resentment & Envy over easy child
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<blockquote data-quote="Doddlin" data-source="post: 367888"><p>Oh my gosh... you all have such good insight. Sometimes I think I'm going crazy. </p><p></p><p>I did discuss the "party" for her before it was even planned. I mentioned how badly all her cousins and siblings would feel since nobody has thrown them a party just because they decide to show up after being an angry monster for years. Seems the cousins have great things going on in their lives and the family doesn't feel the need to celebrate it with "star" treatment. He said it's because they all felt bad for him for having to endure several years without her coming around. (which was not his fault, he was a supportive/loving father). Anyway, I would hate to be one of the other kids and see how we all have to behave when easy child comes around. UGH. I am sure I'm sensitive to it from their perspective because I too grew up with blatant favor being show to my step brothers by family. I NEVER say anything to her about it and I'm always loving and kind to her. But, I find that it's after that I become resentful. Like... "why do I do this when I know later I will feel resentful?" I figure it's because I know that husband wishes for her to feel SOOO special whenever she is around and that if I don't do the same, he will see me as not supportive and resent me. Ugh. What a mess.</p><p></p><p>Last night we talked about it and I stayed calm, but expressed exactly how I felt. He didn't like it of course. He says it's because he missed out on so much after the divorce and during her teen years. That since he doesn't see her very often... blah, blah, blah. I explained that he may not have missed that much in teen years... look what I'm NOT MISSING with my teenagers. LOL. Anyway, it seems to be the disneyland Dad syndrome I guess. I mean, If I had thrown a party in honor of one of my difficult child's and didn't even get a thank you Mom... I would have communicated my disappointment in their manners. But, I guess we wouldn't want her to get upset by holding any expectations for courtesy and good manners when people go all out for her. She wrote on FB today that the BBQ was ok and thank God for her cousin being there... I suppose she thought it sucked. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes I think that maybe I am just sick and too darn hard on my difficult child's and that's the trouble? After all, easy child is doing better with her life and seems to have everyone around her praising her all the way... always has. Things that make me wonder. </p><p></p><p>Thank you so much for your support today. It helped a great deal. You're the best!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Doddlin, post: 367888"] Oh my gosh... you all have such good insight. Sometimes I think I'm going crazy. I did discuss the "party" for her before it was even planned. I mentioned how badly all her cousins and siblings would feel since nobody has thrown them a party just because they decide to show up after being an angry monster for years. Seems the cousins have great things going on in their lives and the family doesn't feel the need to celebrate it with "star" treatment. He said it's because they all felt bad for him for having to endure several years without her coming around. (which was not his fault, he was a supportive/loving father). Anyway, I would hate to be one of the other kids and see how we all have to behave when easy child comes around. UGH. I am sure I'm sensitive to it from their perspective because I too grew up with blatant favor being show to my step brothers by family. I NEVER say anything to her about it and I'm always loving and kind to her. But, I find that it's after that I become resentful. Like... "why do I do this when I know later I will feel resentful?" I figure it's because I know that husband wishes for her to feel SOOO special whenever she is around and that if I don't do the same, he will see me as not supportive and resent me. Ugh. What a mess. Last night we talked about it and I stayed calm, but expressed exactly how I felt. He didn't like it of course. He says it's because he missed out on so much after the divorce and during her teen years. That since he doesn't see her very often... blah, blah, blah. I explained that he may not have missed that much in teen years... look what I'm NOT MISSING with my teenagers. LOL. Anyway, it seems to be the disneyland Dad syndrome I guess. I mean, If I had thrown a party in honor of one of my difficult child's and didn't even get a thank you Mom... I would have communicated my disappointment in their manners. But, I guess we wouldn't want her to get upset by holding any expectations for courtesy and good manners when people go all out for her. She wrote on FB today that the BBQ was ok and thank God for her cousin being there... I suppose she thought it sucked. Sometimes I think that maybe I am just sick and too darn hard on my difficult child's and that's the trouble? After all, easy child is doing better with her life and seems to have everyone around her praising her all the way... always has. Things that make me wonder. Thank you so much for your support today. It helped a great deal. You're the best! [/QUOTE]
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