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Returning mom, new username, reintro myself
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<blockquote data-quote="recovering doormat" data-source="post: 196511" data-attributes="member: 5941"><p>So much compassion, so much good advice...thank you again ladies.</p><p> </p><p>I've been trying to carry on like it'sa normal weekend around here. My daughter vehemently denies she's had intercourse, and insists that she only took the pregnancy test because I insisted. My older daughter told me that younger sis confided in her Friday night "don't get mad at me, but I'm no longer a virgin." Older daughter is 18 and spent Friday night tossing and turning, as I did, and spent yesterday looking up all girl boarding schools in the U.S. that take 7th graders and older.</p><p> </p><p>Haven't spoken to her dad yet because he tends to overreact and over dramatize. I could see him taking me to court to get custody of her, and that won't solve anything: he is self-employed and can't supervise her after school. </p><p> </p><p>I am unemployed while waiting for the marital legalistics to stop, so I can certainly keep her attached to my hip when she's not in school. Her friends can visit here.</p><p> </p><p>She got her first period at the start of 5th grade, several months after turning 10. So young! She was upset about it, like her body had betrayed her. She knew about menstruation from her sis and me, and from school, but no one expected it so early. My older girl was 12, as was I. But this generation of young teens are so physically developed. They have adult sized breasts and narrow waists before tehre is "teen" attached to their age.</p><p> </p><p>I have been open and at times graphic with my kids about sex, because I was determined not to raise children in the sex-phobic atmosphere I was brought up in. I would launch into discussions and that would make my kids squeal "enough mom, that's so gross!" But I was trying to make the point that they should not be afraid to approach me about anything.</p><p> </p><p>Another thing I've spoken to my girls about is the psychological fallout from having sex too young. You are so right, Marg, that no one talks about the ramilfications, about how it feels to have everyone in school know what you did last summer (and their parents, too, kids like to blab to the adults around them to show how mature they are), or about what it feels like as a girl to see the boy you fellated or let into your body be with another girl. It's devastating. When I got pregnant at 16 and aborted, my parents later found out about the sex (found because pills in my purse) and blew their stacks, couldnt' see the boy anymore (secret relief to me). He was surprised that I wouldn't cross my folks, and soon turned his attentions to other girls. I am shamed to think of the hysterical phone calls to him, once I knew he was having sex with others. Just awful. Years later when I met the man I married, I chose him because I knew he would be sexually faithful. Unfortunately, it was his only positive trait!</p><p> </p><p>So, I have a 12 yr old girl who may or may not have had intercourse, who is probably not pregnant right now but who knows if we tested too soon, and who I do not know to be telling me the truth. Who may or may not be showing off for friends. In other words, we have a liar on our hands.</p><p> </p><p>I've told her to expect a visit to an OB/gyn very soon, probably this week, and that she can expect to be spending a lot more time at home. She is acting angry towards me, that I'm overreacting. </p><p> </p><p>I'm hoping that once we get to the doctor's office, after that first invasive pelvic exam and the discussions about because, STD's, the Gardasil shot, we will have a more productive discussion.</p><p> </p><p>Wish me strength, ladies, I"m going to need it. </p><p> </p><p>To top it off, it's Sunday a.m., and I just realized that there is no milk for my coffee in the fridge and I have to get dressed and go out. Argggh! Is there no justice in the world?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recovering doormat, post: 196511, member: 5941"] So much compassion, so much good advice...thank you again ladies. I've been trying to carry on like it'sa normal weekend around here. My daughter vehemently denies she's had intercourse, and insists that she only took the pregnancy test because I insisted. My older daughter told me that younger sis confided in her Friday night "don't get mad at me, but I'm no longer a virgin." Older daughter is 18 and spent Friday night tossing and turning, as I did, and spent yesterday looking up all girl boarding schools in the U.S. that take 7th graders and older. Haven't spoken to her dad yet because he tends to overreact and over dramatize. I could see him taking me to court to get custody of her, and that won't solve anything: he is self-employed and can't supervise her after school. I am unemployed while waiting for the marital legalistics to stop, so I can certainly keep her attached to my hip when she's not in school. Her friends can visit here. She got her first period at the start of 5th grade, several months after turning 10. So young! She was upset about it, like her body had betrayed her. She knew about menstruation from her sis and me, and from school, but no one expected it so early. My older girl was 12, as was I. But this generation of young teens are so physically developed. They have adult sized breasts and narrow waists before tehre is "teen" attached to their age. I have been open and at times graphic with my kids about sex, because I was determined not to raise children in the sex-phobic atmosphere I was brought up in. I would launch into discussions and that would make my kids squeal "enough mom, that's so gross!" But I was trying to make the point that they should not be afraid to approach me about anything. Another thing I've spoken to my girls about is the psychological fallout from having sex too young. You are so right, Marg, that no one talks about the ramilfications, about how it feels to have everyone in school know what you did last summer (and their parents, too, kids like to blab to the adults around them to show how mature they are), or about what it feels like as a girl to see the boy you fellated or let into your body be with another girl. It's devastating. When I got pregnant at 16 and aborted, my parents later found out about the sex (found because pills in my purse) and blew their stacks, couldnt' see the boy anymore (secret relief to me). He was surprised that I wouldn't cross my folks, and soon turned his attentions to other girls. I am shamed to think of the hysterical phone calls to him, once I knew he was having sex with others. Just awful. Years later when I met the man I married, I chose him because I knew he would be sexually faithful. Unfortunately, it was his only positive trait! So, I have a 12 yr old girl who may or may not have had intercourse, who is probably not pregnant right now but who knows if we tested too soon, and who I do not know to be telling me the truth. Who may or may not be showing off for friends. In other words, we have a liar on our hands. I've told her to expect a visit to an OB/gyn very soon, probably this week, and that she can expect to be spending a lot more time at home. She is acting angry towards me, that I'm overreacting. I'm hoping that once we get to the doctor's office, after that first invasive pelvic exam and the discussions about because, STD's, the Gardasil shot, we will have a more productive discussion. Wish me strength, ladies, I"m going to need it. To top it off, it's Sunday a.m., and I just realized that there is no milk for my coffee in the fridge and I have to get dressed and go out. Argggh! Is there no justice in the world? [/QUOTE]
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