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Parent Emeritus
Returning to this site after 6 years same problem with son :(
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 425014"><p>Hi Expat... and welcome back. I am new to the board since you have been here. Our situations are similar in some ways.... I have a easy child daughter who is almost 16 and a 19 year old son who was in a similar situation last year. We finally got to the point where if he could not follow our rules (very basic rules you would have with anyone living in your home) then he needed to leave. We came to the conclusion that the message he was getting by being able to get away with his really bad behavior at home was not a good one, because he could not get along in society breaking all the rules. Unfortunately he found out the hard way that that was true....he did at one point realize he really would be better off with a hs diploma, and so did go and do the work for that BUT we kicked him out before he had it and it looked for a while like he would not get his diploma. He screwed up big time, had several arrests, spent 2 weeks in jail, went to rehab... and is now basically sober I think. He now seems to be trying to get his life together and is taking some good steps.... he is in touch with us and being polite. We have flat out told him he cannot live here because we are no longer willing to put our daughter through any more of the drama. I think he is a kid that has to learn the hard way and I know without a doubt if he was back home it would not takek long til we were all on the same road we were on before.</p><p></p><p>I know it is really hard but you can't get his diploma for him .He has to do the work for it. If he is not willing to do it he won't, if he really wants it he will find a way. And if he doesn't then he can eventaully get his GED. Not the worst thing int he world. </p><p></p><p>So think about what lessons you are teaching him by letting him live at home, be abusive to you all, to the point where his sister is staying somewhere else. And what messages are you giving her. It was a real shock to me to find out (via my daughter in therapy) that my daughter felt she was being sacrificed for my son... that was a wake up call because I realized she was younger and at this point she needed us to take care of her... my son was now technically an adult and we needed to let him go and support her. It is a balancing act when you have two kids you love, but right now you need to support your daughter to live in a home that is peaceful and not difficult child chaotic. Good luck this is really hard.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 425014"] Hi Expat... and welcome back. I am new to the board since you have been here. Our situations are similar in some ways.... I have a easy child daughter who is almost 16 and a 19 year old son who was in a similar situation last year. We finally got to the point where if he could not follow our rules (very basic rules you would have with anyone living in your home) then he needed to leave. We came to the conclusion that the message he was getting by being able to get away with his really bad behavior at home was not a good one, because he could not get along in society breaking all the rules. Unfortunately he found out the hard way that that was true....he did at one point realize he really would be better off with a hs diploma, and so did go and do the work for that BUT we kicked him out before he had it and it looked for a while like he would not get his diploma. He screwed up big time, had several arrests, spent 2 weeks in jail, went to rehab... and is now basically sober I think. He now seems to be trying to get his life together and is taking some good steps.... he is in touch with us and being polite. We have flat out told him he cannot live here because we are no longer willing to put our daughter through any more of the drama. I think he is a kid that has to learn the hard way and I know without a doubt if he was back home it would not takek long til we were all on the same road we were on before. I know it is really hard but you can't get his diploma for him .He has to do the work for it. If he is not willing to do it he won't, if he really wants it he will find a way. And if he doesn't then he can eventaully get his GED. Not the worst thing int he world. So think about what lessons you are teaching him by letting him live at home, be abusive to you all, to the point where his sister is staying somewhere else. And what messages are you giving her. It was a real shock to me to find out (via my daughter in therapy) that my daughter felt she was being sacrificed for my son... that was a wake up call because I realized she was younger and at this point she needed us to take care of her... my son was now technically an adult and we needed to let him go and support her. It is a balancing act when you have two kids you love, but right now you need to support your daughter to live in a home that is peaceful and not difficult child chaotic. Good luck this is really hard. [/QUOTE]
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Returning to this site after 6 years same problem with son :(
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