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Right therapist?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 459596" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>To paraphrase my much younger cousin, "Buy New Therapist".</p><p></p><p>This person is NOT going to help you. If she is treating you as a couple, then she needs to see the dynamic between you BEFORE she sees you individually and decides that you have all the problems and husband has none. I have been in therapy with husband and there are usually quite a few sessions before we see her individually. Sometimes a therapist would see us together for 1-2-3 sessions and then spend a week or two seeing us individually to get a feel for how we are with each other, indiv personality that might not come out together in a session, etc... but the indiv sessions were NEVER right off and the therapist NEVER just decided one of us was the whole problem.</p><p></p><p>Heck, about fifteen yrs ago my childhood bff caught her husband in an emotional affair. They got help and are still together, but at the worst point they saw the therapist together 1 or 2 times a week AND individually once a week. It sounds very much like your therapist is charmed by husband and is taking what is said at face value - which means she is NOT going to really be of help. Or it could mean that she sees that your husband flat out will not accept help and so says the main problems are with you because you are willing to work on them. It is stil a bs attitude for her to have, and one that will NOT help your marriage.</p><p></p><p>There is a school of thought that says if a person isn't willing to do the work, then the therapy won't ever help. I don't buy it. Largely because way back as a preteen my mother dragged my dad to a therapist. It was NOT common and NOT accepted in our part of the country at that time. Only people who were really sick or idiots needed therapy back in the late seventies. I actually had no idea they were even going, I went to a friend's house that afternoon/evening because they had classes in something that night. They drove about an hour each way to the complete otehr side of the city we lived in so that NO ONE would know they went. I only went to 1-2 sessions, my gfgbro to maybe four because his relationship with my dad was very volatile and had become physical both ways. My father REFUSED to admit that ANYTHING the therapist said was anything he needed/wanted to hear. He was just going because my mom forced him. </p><p></p><p>About three years ago he admitted to my mom and I each separately that he actually did remember what the therapist said and that it was very very helpful in both his marriage to my mom, his relationship with us kids esp gfgbro, and even in his job as a teacher. So don't feel that a therapist is wasted if your husband blusters about it - if it sunk in and helped my dad then it can do that with ANYONE.</p><p></p><p>You just need to find a therapist who you both feel comfortable with at least on some level and who will see you as a couple. The therapist should have some indiv sessions, but be respectful that some things you may not ever want to tell husband or vice versa. Sorry this therapist is such a dud. </p><p></p><p>You can clear up the insurance question by calling the ins co - it is pretty easy and you will know if the therapist is telling you the truth or not.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 459596, member: 1233"] To paraphrase my much younger cousin, "Buy New Therapist". This person is NOT going to help you. If she is treating you as a couple, then she needs to see the dynamic between you BEFORE she sees you individually and decides that you have all the problems and husband has none. I have been in therapy with husband and there are usually quite a few sessions before we see her individually. Sometimes a therapist would see us together for 1-2-3 sessions and then spend a week or two seeing us individually to get a feel for how we are with each other, indiv personality that might not come out together in a session, etc... but the indiv sessions were NEVER right off and the therapist NEVER just decided one of us was the whole problem. Heck, about fifteen yrs ago my childhood bff caught her husband in an emotional affair. They got help and are still together, but at the worst point they saw the therapist together 1 or 2 times a week AND individually once a week. It sounds very much like your therapist is charmed by husband and is taking what is said at face value - which means she is NOT going to really be of help. Or it could mean that she sees that your husband flat out will not accept help and so says the main problems are with you because you are willing to work on them. It is stil a bs attitude for her to have, and one that will NOT help your marriage. There is a school of thought that says if a person isn't willing to do the work, then the therapy won't ever help. I don't buy it. Largely because way back as a preteen my mother dragged my dad to a therapist. It was NOT common and NOT accepted in our part of the country at that time. Only people who were really sick or idiots needed therapy back in the late seventies. I actually had no idea they were even going, I went to a friend's house that afternoon/evening because they had classes in something that night. They drove about an hour each way to the complete otehr side of the city we lived in so that NO ONE would know they went. I only went to 1-2 sessions, my gfgbro to maybe four because his relationship with my dad was very volatile and had become physical both ways. My father REFUSED to admit that ANYTHING the therapist said was anything he needed/wanted to hear. He was just going because my mom forced him. About three years ago he admitted to my mom and I each separately that he actually did remember what the therapist said and that it was very very helpful in both his marriage to my mom, his relationship with us kids esp gfgbro, and even in his job as a teacher. So don't feel that a therapist is wasted if your husband blusters about it - if it sunk in and helped my dad then it can do that with ANYONE. You just need to find a therapist who you both feel comfortable with at least on some level and who will see you as a couple. The therapist should have some indiv sessions, but be respectful that some things you may not ever want to tell husband or vice versa. Sorry this therapist is such a dud. You can clear up the insurance question by calling the ins co - it is pretty easy and you will know if the therapist is telling you the truth or not. [/QUOTE]
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