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<blockquote data-quote="so ready to live" data-source="post: 694816" data-attributes="member: 20054"><p>Hi Hopeful. My heart goes out to you. I cried reading this and I read every word. It is forever amazing to me how many of our stories are similar. Biting the hand that feeds them, in every respect they just don't quit.</p><p> </p><p>I so get your fear of not being there when he needs to talk but ultimately they need to find that in others. For us and for them. You are so not calloused, are you? I'm not sure we are ever totally calloused, but exhausted YES.... and you do sound to be that. Try to look at your life from the outside, hiding your keys and money, following him in the house, not even able to go to the bathroom for a minute. It is crazy. At one point with our son, I realized<em> I couldn't find anything </em>due to moving it so many times so he couldn't find it. My purse was full of keys and medications and $, we changed the locks twice. We installed a security system. My heart ramped up (still does) whenever a loud vehicle goes by. When we misplace anything, we wonder if he took it. We have hidden in our beds, pretending to be asleep at midnight, when once again he came crawling home, drunk/drugged and thinking he could stay. Am I a mom who can't step up when her child needs her? YES. For a million reasons. The biggest is he is not a child anymore.</p><p>...and so we go on with OUR lives. Any contact with him still throws me for a few days, disrupts my sleep, makes me irritable and jumpy. Many times if he sees we are even cordial to him, it starts the onslaught of begging. We spend a few days not answering phone or texts for food, gas, whatever. So much of it is lies, how do you ever really know? I want to answer--"go to work and function or go to rehab". But it would just start a fight. So, we don't ask any questions we don't already know the answer to, including "how are you?" Mostly if he talks, we say "Oh?" and "I'm sure you'll figure it out" . </p><p></p><p>I do think for us, in our faith, we believe in helping anyone in our son's position and it seems inconsistent to walk away from <em>his</em> needs. We have had to realize that it is NOT helping in his case. We prolonged the agony for years. Don't be us. Focus on you, your faith, your mental health, your marriage, your functioning son. Your son is young, there is still much hope. He has to want it himself. Prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="so ready to live, post: 694816, member: 20054"] Hi Hopeful. My heart goes out to you. I cried reading this and I read every word. It is forever amazing to me how many of our stories are similar. Biting the hand that feeds them, in every respect they just don't quit. I so get your fear of not being there when he needs to talk but ultimately they need to find that in others. For us and for them. You are so not calloused, are you? I'm not sure we are ever totally calloused, but exhausted YES.... and you do sound to be that. Try to look at your life from the outside, hiding your keys and money, following him in the house, not even able to go to the bathroom for a minute. It is crazy. At one point with our son, I realized[I] I couldn't find anything [/I]due to moving it so many times so he couldn't find it. My purse was full of keys and medications and $, we changed the locks twice. We installed a security system. My heart ramped up (still does) whenever a loud vehicle goes by. When we misplace anything, we wonder if he took it. We have hidden in our beds, pretending to be asleep at midnight, when once again he came crawling home, drunk/drugged and thinking he could stay. Am I a mom who can't step up when her child needs her? YES. For a million reasons. The biggest is he is not a child anymore. ...and so we go on with OUR lives. Any contact with him still throws me for a few days, disrupts my sleep, makes me irritable and jumpy. Many times if he sees we are even cordial to him, it starts the onslaught of begging. We spend a few days not answering phone or texts for food, gas, whatever. So much of it is lies, how do you ever really know? I want to answer--"go to work and function or go to rehab". But it would just start a fight. So, we don't ask any questions we don't already know the answer to, including "how are you?" Mostly if he talks, we say "Oh?" and "I'm sure you'll figure it out" . I do think for us, in our faith, we believe in helping anyone in our son's position and it seems inconsistent to walk away from [I]his[/I] needs. We have had to realize that it is NOT helping in his case. We prolonged the agony for years. Don't be us. Focus on you, your faith, your mental health, your marriage, your functioning son. Your son is young, there is still much hope. He has to want it himself. Prayers. [/QUOTE]
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