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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 525306" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>I hadn't thought about it that way TL. I suppose these past twenty years we gave her more time to get to where she is. But in the end it's the same place. I think she has the wish for the fantasy of dying. She has seen soooo many of her rehab and recovery friends die she knows it goes the way she is going. She has no illusions about where it leads. This latest young lady she was in residential with that died, I think made her fantasize about all the people that felt so horrible about it, all the comments she got on fb, all the attention her life got in death, so many people talking about it and saying what a wonderful person she was and how tragic it was. I think she is trying to come as close to that as she can, perhaps not really die but get to the edge. </p><p></p><p>She's doing some really hard and dangerous drugs and she knows where that leads. She is also dealing. She has fallen deeper and deeper into that hoe and honestly I do see any recovery for her. She has always talked about dying from very early on. I think she thinks she will get the attention in death that she longs for in life but doesn't realize it's forever. I think she thinks her drug friends think she's cool beccause of what she will do.</p><p></p><p>Maybe I'm wrong and she just wants to have fun but she has been in recovery long enough to knpw that only ends in jail or death and she is escalating her use.</p><p></p><p>I don't know why I feel so much in despair today. I guess I see her doing more dangerous things every day and I know there is no return.</p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 525306, member: 59"] I hadn't thought about it that way TL. I suppose these past twenty years we gave her more time to get to where she is. But in the end it's the same place. I think she has the wish for the fantasy of dying. She has seen soooo many of her rehab and recovery friends die she knows it goes the way she is going. She has no illusions about where it leads. This latest young lady she was in residential with that died, I think made her fantasize about all the people that felt so horrible about it, all the comments she got on fb, all the attention her life got in death, so many people talking about it and saying what a wonderful person she was and how tragic it was. I think she is trying to come as close to that as she can, perhaps not really die but get to the edge. She's doing some really hard and dangerous drugs and she knows where that leads. She is also dealing. She has fallen deeper and deeper into that hoe and honestly I do see any recovery for her. She has always talked about dying from very early on. I think she thinks she will get the attention in death that she longs for in life but doesn't realize it's forever. I think she thinks her drug friends think she's cool beccause of what she will do. Maybe I'm wrong and she just wants to have fun but she has been in recovery long enough to knpw that only ends in jail or death and she is escalating her use. I don't know why I feel so much in despair today. I guess I see her doing more dangerous things every day and I know there is no return. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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