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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 525850" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>Insane I don't mean to offend anyone, truly I don't. That's why I say unless you are willing to walk in my shoes be quiet (I don't mean you). I know there are adoptions that go well. I'm glad the bonding that happened with your sib went well, it usually doesn't. I don't mean to minimize or negate your positive experience and I also don't want this discussion to turn ugly. It is a subject that is not easy to discuss with most people. Of course substance abuse and criminal behavior and mental illness and character defects and many other things come into play. It is rare that the college educated, well adjusted, substace fee and mentally healthy female finds herself pregnant and chooses adoption. Those are the ones you would expect to have a good outcome.</p><p></p><p>I am not sure that having adoption agencies disclose more information will help. Because until the subject is not taboo and can be looked at honestly and without judgement or emotion, prospective parents who desperately want to have a family will ignore those warnings. And until we stop using adoption as a politcal and religious football, nothing will change.</p><p></p><p>And I wil end by saying I love my difficult child unconditionally. I could not love her more if she was born to me. I have shed more tears and done everything within my power to help her. We have loved her and protected her and provided for her and given her every oppotunity under the sun and even when she messed up we were there to support her. So I don't want this discussion to give you or anyone else the wrong impression.</p><p></p><p>And truly this discussion also applies to substance abuse in non-adoptive families. It is inherited and there are plenty of birth families who are living the same h*ll.</p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 525850, member: 59"] Insane I don't mean to offend anyone, truly I don't. That's why I say unless you are willing to walk in my shoes be quiet (I don't mean you). I know there are adoptions that go well. I'm glad the bonding that happened with your sib went well, it usually doesn't. I don't mean to minimize or negate your positive experience and I also don't want this discussion to turn ugly. It is a subject that is not easy to discuss with most people. Of course substance abuse and criminal behavior and mental illness and character defects and many other things come into play. It is rare that the college educated, well adjusted, substace fee and mentally healthy female finds herself pregnant and chooses adoption. Those are the ones you would expect to have a good outcome. I am not sure that having adoption agencies disclose more information will help. Because until the subject is not taboo and can be looked at honestly and without judgement or emotion, prospective parents who desperately want to have a family will ignore those warnings. And until we stop using adoption as a politcal and religious football, nothing will change. And I wil end by saying I love my difficult child unconditionally. I could not love her more if she was born to me. I have shed more tears and done everything within my power to help her. We have loved her and protected her and provided for her and given her every oppotunity under the sun and even when she messed up we were there to support her. So I don't want this discussion to give you or anyone else the wrong impression. And truly this discussion also applies to substance abuse in non-adoptive families. It is inherited and there are plenty of birth families who are living the same h*ll. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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