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General Parenting
Rules/Curfews for College-Age difficult children when at Home
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<blockquote data-quote="WearyWoman" data-source="post: 545432"><p>In some ways I can't wait to give JT more control (and thus responsibility for consequences) of his own life. on the other hand, he is living in OUR house, driving the truck and using the cell phone we own and paid for. We are paying most of his living and educational expenses. College is expensive, and we want him to succeed, as we know it is in his best interest, obviously. And we have an 11yo on the autism spectrum, and we all have to get up very early for work/daycare. husband and I like to have a little peace at night after 9 p.m. that is our time to watch television and talk just with each other. However, with JT coming home at all hours, raiding the fridge and making a lot of noise late at night, it is disruptive for the rest of us. Bubby is a light sleeper as well.</p><p></p><p>I want JT to be independent and make good choices, of course. Yet, I know he is much less mature with this sort of thing than his peers of his age. I view this as a transition time. </p><p></p><p>I guess what you're all saying is to back off, let him make his own decisions and deal with the consequences. We just know that he generally doesn't handle making his own choices very well, and he's done some very impulsive things that have gotten him in major trouble in the past. My issue is the arbitrariness of "letting go" at age 18, even for kids with special needs. Yes, he's 18 and legally an adult, but his behavior and cognitive abilities are out of sync with one another. He's intelligent, but makes poor choices, and he also has difficulty with social interactions. He lives in the moment and doesn't consider either past learning experiences or future consequences of his behavior. I'm struggling to find balance between protecting him and giving him independence.</p><p></p><p>Tonight, I'll likely discuss your responses with husband. You're probably right that we need to give him freedom to make his own choices, but that's difficult for us. We've been managing his life, supervising him, and keeping him out of trouble for so long. Maybe it's time for JT's problems to become JT's problems.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WearyWoman, post: 545432"] In some ways I can't wait to give JT more control (and thus responsibility for consequences) of his own life. on the other hand, he is living in OUR house, driving the truck and using the cell phone we own and paid for. We are paying most of his living and educational expenses. College is expensive, and we want him to succeed, as we know it is in his best interest, obviously. And we have an 11yo on the autism spectrum, and we all have to get up very early for work/daycare. husband and I like to have a little peace at night after 9 p.m. that is our time to watch television and talk just with each other. However, with JT coming home at all hours, raiding the fridge and making a lot of noise late at night, it is disruptive for the rest of us. Bubby is a light sleeper as well. I want JT to be independent and make good choices, of course. Yet, I know he is much less mature with this sort of thing than his peers of his age. I view this as a transition time. I guess what you're all saying is to back off, let him make his own decisions and deal with the consequences. We just know that he generally doesn't handle making his own choices very well, and he's done some very impulsive things that have gotten him in major trouble in the past. My issue is the arbitrariness of "letting go" at age 18, even for kids with special needs. Yes, he's 18 and legally an adult, but his behavior and cognitive abilities are out of sync with one another. He's intelligent, but makes poor choices, and he also has difficulty with social interactions. He lives in the moment and doesn't consider either past learning experiences or future consequences of his behavior. I'm struggling to find balance between protecting him and giving him independence. Tonight, I'll likely discuss your responses with husband. You're probably right that we need to give him freedom to make his own choices, but that's difficult for us. We've been managing his life, supervising him, and keeping him out of trouble for so long. Maybe it's time for JT's problems to become JT's problems. [/QUOTE]
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