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Rules/Curfews for College-Age difficult children when at Home
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 545546" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">That is a good view to take as a starting point for a conversation - a family meeting perhaps. If you want to support him while he's getting his education, then I would not cut off the cell phone. However, if he's working, he should be contributing something to the household which would help cover his insurance, gas, food and yes, room. He needs to be weaned off the proverbial parental teats. It can't all happen at once because as you said you've been managing and supervising him his entire life. Sit with H and decide on some reasonable changes and then rate them on how important they are to difficult child's personal growth as a young adult.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">Personally, we had curfews in our home (and still do) for US - not for my daughters. We have three dogs and when anyone opens a door or the garage, the dogs go off like a 5-alarm firehouse. H and I need to be up every morning, so the curfew was set out of respect for the OTHER adults in our home (H and I). When it was put to our daughters in that vein, they were more receptive to following it. We weren't aiming to control them as much as we were aiming to preserve our sleeptime. We never really had too many issues with curfews and our 24 y/o daughter lives with us and we still don't have any issues with it. Before she goes out, she gives me an estimated time of when she will be home. If it's past 11PM, I leave the back door open and the light on. If it's before 11PM, the garage is lit up and she can come in that way. It is our home, but it is also their home...jmho. Your rules should be about being respectful of everyone's needs within the home and not about controlling your son. And I really hate when parents tie paying for a college education with an unspoken understanding that they then get to control and infantalize their children. One is about supporting your child's secondary education if that is what you believe you should or want to do. The other is unacceptable on all levels, again, jmho.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">When we micromanage our young adult children, we cripple them...when and how will they ever learn how to make choices for themselves or understand their limitations if we are always intervening to 'save them from themselves'? </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 545546, member: 2211"] [COLOR=#008080][SIZE=2]That is a good view to take as a starting point for a conversation - a family meeting perhaps. If you want to support him while he's getting his education, then I would not cut off the cell phone. However, if he's working, he should be contributing something to the household which would help cover his insurance, gas, food and yes, room. He needs to be weaned off the proverbial parental teats. It can't all happen at once because as you said you've been managing and supervising him his entire life. Sit with H and decide on some reasonable changes and then rate them on how important they are to difficult child's personal growth as a young adult. Personally, we had curfews in our home (and still do) for US - not for my daughters. We have three dogs and when anyone opens a door or the garage, the dogs go off like a 5-alarm firehouse. H and I need to be up every morning, so the curfew was set out of respect for the OTHER adults in our home (H and I). When it was put to our daughters in that vein, they were more receptive to following it. We weren't aiming to control them as much as we were aiming to preserve our sleeptime. We never really had too many issues with curfews and our 24 y/o daughter lives with us and we still don't have any issues with it. Before she goes out, she gives me an estimated time of when she will be home. If it's past 11PM, I leave the back door open and the light on. If it's before 11PM, the garage is lit up and she can come in that way. It is our home, but it is also their home...jmho. Your rules should be about being respectful of everyone's needs within the home and not about controlling your son. And I really hate when parents tie paying for a college education with an unspoken understanding that they then get to control and infantalize their children. One is about supporting your child's secondary education if that is what you believe you should or want to do. The other is unacceptable on all levels, again, jmho. When we micromanage our young adult children, we cripple them...when and how will they ever learn how to make choices for themselves or understand their limitations if we are always intervening to 'save them from themselves'? [/SIZE][/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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