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Rules/Curfews for College-Age difficult children when at Home
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 545606" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>I haven't read all the responses and am just posting my initial, gut reaction. This is based on having a 17yo who is going into his senior year of HS and wants to go away to college next year. I should point out we've had some rough times and although he's living at home with me now, he spent the majority of the past 5 years in Department of Juvenile Justice. Obviously, they don't let them make their own choices in Department of Juvenile Justice so i have worried about his ability to make 'good' choices. But I am tring my best to remember that if he's going to have to learn the hard way (and my son does), the time is before he goes away to college. I don't want to control him like they do in Department of Juvenile Justice then him go way to college and blow it because #1 he never learned how to make his own decisions therefore he never learned from those types of mistakes and #2, I don't want him going to college and going wild because he felt suffocated in his life before then so he sees college only as a place to go wild. It is costly and if he goes, he darn well better be there for the right reasons and be able to keep his head on straight and get himself up on time, etc. He needs the self-discipline to study hard and have fun in moderation. If he can't do those things then maybe he isn't ready to go away to college. I am a person who strongly believes that self-discipline isn't learned by having others tell you everything to do.</p><p></p><p>In your case, I think I'd prefer for the kid to lose a summer job (if it came to that) and learn the importance of getting in bed and up on time, than to have nothing go wrong during the summer but blow a college opportunity (if it came to that). If I was convinced that "if he can't do what I expect during the summer, he can't or won't do it when he's at college", then consider talking to him about staying home a year or two and attending classes while living with you. See where that conversation leads- maybe he does need the structure provided by someone else. Maybe he's just trying to be a little lax now because he knows he can't once college starts- I don't know. I don't think you can expect a young adult right out of HS to have the self-discipline of an adult though.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 545606, member: 3699"] I haven't read all the responses and am just posting my initial, gut reaction. This is based on having a 17yo who is going into his senior year of HS and wants to go away to college next year. I should point out we've had some rough times and although he's living at home with me now, he spent the majority of the past 5 years in Department of Juvenile Justice. Obviously, they don't let them make their own choices in Department of Juvenile Justice so i have worried about his ability to make 'good' choices. But I am tring my best to remember that if he's going to have to learn the hard way (and my son does), the time is before he goes away to college. I don't want to control him like they do in Department of Juvenile Justice then him go way to college and blow it because #1 he never learned how to make his own decisions therefore he never learned from those types of mistakes and #2, I don't want him going to college and going wild because he felt suffocated in his life before then so he sees college only as a place to go wild. It is costly and if he goes, he darn well better be there for the right reasons and be able to keep his head on straight and get himself up on time, etc. He needs the self-discipline to study hard and have fun in moderation. If he can't do those things then maybe he isn't ready to go away to college. I am a person who strongly believes that self-discipline isn't learned by having others tell you everything to do. In your case, I think I'd prefer for the kid to lose a summer job (if it came to that) and learn the importance of getting in bed and up on time, than to have nothing go wrong during the summer but blow a college opportunity (if it came to that). If I was convinced that "if he can't do what I expect during the summer, he can't or won't do it when he's at college", then consider talking to him about staying home a year or two and attending classes while living with you. See where that conversation leads- maybe he does need the structure provided by someone else. Maybe he's just trying to be a little lax now because he knows he can't once college starts- I don't know. I don't think you can expect a young adult right out of HS to have the self-discipline of an adult though. [/QUOTE]
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