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General Parenting
Rules/Curfews for College-Age difficult children when at Home
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 545621" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Oh, Sig, I don't think falling grades and pot use is or should be acceptable, especially on a parental dime. I think it's great to go over classes with the kids and state preferences for extra cirriculars. I just don't think it should the parent's calls, ultimately. I know one parent who pushed her kid to do sorority, which I thought was ridiculous, but she didn't want to pay the tuition if her daughter didn't join one. SHE had been in one and she wanted her daughter to be in one. She didn't give her daughter a choice, really. To me, that's over-controlling and more for the parent's satisfaction than for the kid's pleasure. </p><p></p><p>I think what should be up to the adult child in school is the major and if there will be extra cirriculars AND what they will be. As for when they are at home, I really do not think a college kid will respect a 12 o'clock curfew. Therefore, most likely there will be major drama at home and the kid will end up leaving or even getting into more trouble anyway. My sixteen year old is allowed to stay out until midnight on the weekends. I can't see an eighteen year old who has lived away from home respecting such an early curfew, especially if he's a bit of a rebel. I think it is best to negotiate with our adult kids BEFORE they are in trouble, rather than setting up situations that will probably lead to disaster. But I would never suggest ignoring strange behavior, suspected drug use, suspected alcohol abuse (common in college) or other dangerous behaviors. Bad grades are not acceptable either...failing grades...and you're coming home and going to community college first to prove to me that you really want a college education. It's NOT c cheap.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 545621, member: 1550"] Oh, Sig, I don't think falling grades and pot use is or should be acceptable, especially on a parental dime. I think it's great to go over classes with the kids and state preferences for extra cirriculars. I just don't think it should the parent's calls, ultimately. I know one parent who pushed her kid to do sorority, which I thought was ridiculous, but she didn't want to pay the tuition if her daughter didn't join one. SHE had been in one and she wanted her daughter to be in one. She didn't give her daughter a choice, really. To me, that's over-controlling and more for the parent's satisfaction than for the kid's pleasure. I think what should be up to the adult child in school is the major and if there will be extra cirriculars AND what they will be. As for when they are at home, I really do not think a college kid will respect a 12 o'clock curfew. Therefore, most likely there will be major drama at home and the kid will end up leaving or even getting into more trouble anyway. My sixteen year old is allowed to stay out until midnight on the weekends. I can't see an eighteen year old who has lived away from home respecting such an early curfew, especially if he's a bit of a rebel. I think it is best to negotiate with our adult kids BEFORE they are in trouble, rather than setting up situations that will probably lead to disaster. But I would never suggest ignoring strange behavior, suspected drug use, suspected alcohol abuse (common in college) or other dangerous behaviors. Bad grades are not acceptable either...failing grades...and you're coming home and going to community college first to prove to me that you really want a college education. It's NOT c cheap. [/QUOTE]
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