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<blockquote data-quote="OutOfOptions2k17" data-source="post: 706231" data-attributes="member: 21276"><p>Thanks to everyone who replied, it's good to hear that this isn't something just isolated to us (not that we thought it was). I'll try to answer some of the specific questions/comments.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>His mother called the police when things got out of hand, but things have not progressed to that level here yet. We've come close, but one thing that upsets him the most is the fact that his mom did call the police. Granted I agree with her decision about some of the times it was done (not all) and again his behavior is all on him, I try to make sure that if we are going to get the police involved it's 100% unavoidable. I don't want to call them out of pure frustration. Maybe it's not the right approach and we should be calling for lesser things?</p><p></p><p>Yes, he has a younger (8 or 9 year old) brother with is mother and a 4 year old sister with me. So this has also caused issues with them seeing the behavior or just feeling the stress in the atmosphere.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>As Crayola13 said, the due date is at the end of the year/semester/term. They plan out the work on a weekly basis, so it is all laid out for him on what needs to be done and when based on the teacher however he just doesn't do it. We've tried to enforce dates, but again he just ignores it. This is why he's been grounded now for 4+ months. What do you do when you have nothing left to take away as punishment or punishment just gets shrugged off?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>He is currently seeing a therapist now every other week. We recently stepped down the visits from weekly because he's also not putting forth any effort here. His therapist is very much a realist with the situation and has no problem saying that this is really just wasting everyone's time. It's not that she doesn't want too or is refusing to work with him, but she said from the very start that it's only going to be as good as he makes it. If he is just going to go through the motions for the hour they meet then there is nothing to gain out of this. My wife and I talk to his therapist every couple of visits but we haven't investigated or tried just going to see someone for ourselves. He says he does not want to go to regular school.</p><p></p><p>He and I talked today about the weekends blowup, but it's like the point is missed. He wants ungrounded but doesn't understand that in order for that to happen he has to commit and show us he is capable of doing what we call the "bare minimum" of our expectations. That's to have a job, attend school and doing the work (note we have no expectations on grades, we gave up on that), and keep his room clean. We literally ask of nothing else from him because it's not worth the fight. To be more specific about the school work, we expect him to be doing school work from 9a-2p and be up to date where the class is. If he wants to turn in everything and have all F's that is on him. We've explained that if he fails a class he will retake it and/or fail to graduate, which is again on him. At this point graduating High School might even be a reach but college is most definitely out of the question. The conversation this morning was left that until you start doing the 3 things we expect, you get nothing in return. If that means you get nothing in return until you turn 18 then so be it, but the ball is in his court to change his behavior, nobody else can do it for him. </p><p></p><p>We just have this suspicion that we are just going to have to live this way for another year until he's 18. How do we do that?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="OutOfOptions2k17, post: 706231, member: 21276"] Thanks to everyone who replied, it's good to hear that this isn't something just isolated to us (not that we thought it was). I'll try to answer some of the specific questions/comments. His mother called the police when things got out of hand, but things have not progressed to that level here yet. We've come close, but one thing that upsets him the most is the fact that his mom did call the police. Granted I agree with her decision about some of the times it was done (not all) and again his behavior is all on him, I try to make sure that if we are going to get the police involved it's 100% unavoidable. I don't want to call them out of pure frustration. Maybe it's not the right approach and we should be calling for lesser things? Yes, he has a younger (8 or 9 year old) brother with is mother and a 4 year old sister with me. So this has also caused issues with them seeing the behavior or just feeling the stress in the atmosphere. As Crayola13 said, the due date is at the end of the year/semester/term. They plan out the work on a weekly basis, so it is all laid out for him on what needs to be done and when based on the teacher however he just doesn't do it. We've tried to enforce dates, but again he just ignores it. This is why he's been grounded now for 4+ months. What do you do when you have nothing left to take away as punishment or punishment just gets shrugged off? He is currently seeing a therapist now every other week. We recently stepped down the visits from weekly because he's also not putting forth any effort here. His therapist is very much a realist with the situation and has no problem saying that this is really just wasting everyone's time. It's not that she doesn't want too or is refusing to work with him, but she said from the very start that it's only going to be as good as he makes it. If he is just going to go through the motions for the hour they meet then there is nothing to gain out of this. My wife and I talk to his therapist every couple of visits but we haven't investigated or tried just going to see someone for ourselves. He says he does not want to go to regular school. He and I talked today about the weekends blowup, but it's like the point is missed. He wants ungrounded but doesn't understand that in order for that to happen he has to commit and show us he is capable of doing what we call the "bare minimum" of our expectations. That's to have a job, attend school and doing the work (note we have no expectations on grades, we gave up on that), and keep his room clean. We literally ask of nothing else from him because it's not worth the fight. To be more specific about the school work, we expect him to be doing school work from 9a-2p and be up to date where the class is. If he wants to turn in everything and have all F's that is on him. We've explained that if he fails a class he will retake it and/or fail to graduate, which is again on him. At this point graduating High School might even be a reach but college is most definitely out of the question. The conversation this morning was left that until you start doing the 3 things we expect, you get nothing in return. If that means you get nothing in return until you turn 18 then so be it, but the ball is in his court to change his behavior, nobody else can do it for him. We just have this suspicion that we are just going to have to live this way for another year until he's 18. How do we do that? [/QUOTE]
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