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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 706237" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Personally, I do not think your child is served by waiting it out. I do not think he is helped by your permitting that your marriage be affected. These kids of ours get outsized ideas about their power. To their own detriment and to the detriment of others. To be able to function with the illusion of this power is not good for them, or anybody else, I think.</p><p></p><p>I think your focus needs to be on reining him in through consequences, including the police, emergency services, and anything else that may be at your disposal.</p><p></p><p>I agree with the others that home schooling seems to be increasing the pressure on you guys, and may not be the best solution for him. Furthermore, public school provides the options for interventions, including in specialized settings, that may be more suitable for him. I think I would consider public schooling and the possibility of evaluation for an IEP.</p><p></p><p>I think Percy demonstrated for us an important point. We cannot define success based upon results that we do not control. We must define it entirely on what we do control: our rules, our voice. It will be assumed they will continue to defy us. We cannot and should not define ourselves or our "success" based upon their conformity, by their assent, by their willingness in any way to give us legitimacy. Of only one result, are we are in complete control: our thinking and our voice.I would not downplay the importance of this diagnosis on the devolution of his behavior. My son received a diagnosis of Chronic Hepatitis, with which he was born. To me this was the onset of his serious problems. He came to feel he was defective and he was angry at his birth parents who did this to him. Curiously, he decided to as if duplicate their lifestyles, rather than distance himself.</p><p></p><p>That their reactions are not rational matters little. It is how they understand what happens to them and how they try to reassert control over their lives, and their understanding of themselves.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the forum. I hope you keep posting. It helps.</p><p></p><p>Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 706237, member: 18958"] Personally, I do not think your child is served by waiting it out. I do not think he is helped by your permitting that your marriage be affected. These kids of ours get outsized ideas about their power. To their own detriment and to the detriment of others. To be able to function with the illusion of this power is not good for them, or anybody else, I think. I think your focus needs to be on reining him in through consequences, including the police, emergency services, and anything else that may be at your disposal. I agree with the others that home schooling seems to be increasing the pressure on you guys, and may not be the best solution for him. Furthermore, public school provides the options for interventions, including in specialized settings, that may be more suitable for him. I think I would consider public schooling and the possibility of evaluation for an IEP. I think Percy demonstrated for us an important point. We cannot define success based upon results that we do not control. We must define it entirely on what we do control: our rules, our voice. It will be assumed they will continue to defy us. We cannot and should not define ourselves or our "success" based upon their conformity, by their assent, by their willingness in any way to give us legitimacy. Of only one result, are we are in complete control: our thinking and our voice.I would not downplay the importance of this diagnosis on the devolution of his behavior. My son received a diagnosis of Chronic Hepatitis, with which he was born. To me this was the onset of his serious problems. He came to feel he was defective and he was angry at his birth parents who did this to him. Curiously, he decided to as if duplicate their lifestyles, rather than distance himself. That their reactions are not rational matters little. It is how they understand what happens to them and how they try to reassert control over their lives, and their understanding of themselves. Welcome to the forum. I hope you keep posting. It helps. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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