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Parent Emeritus
Sabotaged, discouraged, defeated
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 173898"><p>It seems that you have the right idea...your adult son needs to get treatment and get treatment asap. A compromise might be that if any infraction occurs, he goes to the program immediately or he would no longer be welcomed in your home. in my humble opinion, you should NOT hesitate to speak your mind on this important issue. He has an addiction problem and this is unfortunate BUT IT IS fortunate to have kind parents who have been helpful. HOWEVER, he is pushing his luck (to put it nicely) when he refuses to get provided help to end this habit that is causing havoc for himself and family. Some logic needs to be put in place here. An ill loved one might need our help in a matter, but they will never get better if they don't take some personal steps toward growth. in my humble opinion, baby steps are acceptable. You can't do ALL the work for them. Your son simply has to make the decision to get treatment. You are not asking much on his part. It is time he takes this baby step. I see at the end of your post, you are worried about your daughter and your relationship with your husband. <strong>Have you considered going to marriage or family counseling?</strong> Don't take difficult child at all, and esp. at first. I would strengthen your marriage...get on the same page. Try to find an expert who has an understanding of the complexities of working with a difficult child with substance abuse issues. Consider buying your husband one of the books on boundaries.</p><p> </p><p>Side note:</p><p>I found this book on amazon on boundaries and it looks good!</p><p>[ame="http://www.amazon.com/Setting-Boundaries-Your-Adult-Children/dp/0736921354/ref=pd_bbs_sr_5?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1215863112&sr=8-5"]Amazon.com: Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents: Allison Bottke: Books[/ame]</p><p> </p><p>What is the name of the little book on boundaries? I bought this last year and gave it to a friend. I think I would like to buy it again. Thanks.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 173898"] It seems that you have the right idea...your adult son needs to get treatment and get treatment asap. A compromise might be that if any infraction occurs, he goes to the program immediately or he would no longer be welcomed in your home. in my humble opinion, you should NOT hesitate to speak your mind on this important issue. He has an addiction problem and this is unfortunate BUT IT IS fortunate to have kind parents who have been helpful. HOWEVER, he is pushing his luck (to put it nicely) when he refuses to get provided help to end this habit that is causing havoc for himself and family. Some logic needs to be put in place here. An ill loved one might need our help in a matter, but they will never get better if they don't take some personal steps toward growth. in my humble opinion, baby steps are acceptable. You can't do ALL the work for them. Your son simply has to make the decision to get treatment. You are not asking much on his part. It is time he takes this baby step. I see at the end of your post, you are worried about your daughter and your relationship with your husband. [B]Have you considered going to marriage or family counseling?[/B] Don't take difficult child at all, and esp. at first. I would strengthen your marriage...get on the same page. Try to find an expert who has an understanding of the complexities of working with a difficult child with substance abuse issues. Consider buying your husband one of the books on boundaries. Side note: I found this book on amazon on boundaries and it looks good! [ame="http://www.amazon.com/Setting-Boundaries-Your-Adult-Children/dp/0736921354/ref=pd_bbs_sr_5?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1215863112&sr=8-5"]Amazon.com: Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents: Allison Bottke: Books[/ame] What is the name of the little book on boundaries? I bought this last year and gave it to a friend. I think I would like to buy it again. Thanks. [/QUOTE]
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