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Sabotaged, discouraged, defeated
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 173901" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: sienna">Everything everyone said about your difficult child and his issues is true. Yes, he is doing something illegal and he's an alcoholic and needs treatment. But you already know that.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: sienna">I really agree with what Nomad said about you and H working on your marriage (alone together without difficult child) so you can at least get on the same page (and in the same book, lol). </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: sienna">If that idea won't fly with H, then I would definitely hand the ball (difficult child & all) to H and NO MATTER HOW DIFFICULT, DO NOT GET INVOLVED IN difficult child & HIS CRUD OR THE WAY H HANDLES IT). </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: sienna">If that is not feasible (due to H's schedule, etc), then perhaps a temporary move so they will be alone together. Because I know that the poo-poo always hit the fan when my H wasn't around and I'd be dealing with it all by myself most of the time. So when I would relay the incident or situation to my H, he'd look at me like I was crazy and say I was over reacting. Ugh.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: sienna">I know you're worried about how difficult a move will be on your daughter, but by staying, you are reinforcing that living that way is acceptable on some level to daughter. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: sienna">Being as open and honest with your daughter about a temporary leave for the benefit of everyone's safety and sanity, at 15, will make some sense to her even if she doesn't like the idea. I understand she needs to feel secure - providing her a safe place to live and play and study IS security and though she may not see it now, later she will.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: sienna">I would seriously consider finding a place to stay so H can be afforded the opportunity to see just how steeped in addiction your difficult child really is when he's the only parent there to pick up the pieces each day with difficult child. Perhaps then he will finally move at warp speed so you can work together on this.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: sienna">It took my H a very long time to FINALLY get on the same page with me about my difficult child and now that he is - watch out. He's more zealous about rules, money, etc., than I ever was - lol. It's a good thing. But before that we'd end up arguing and of course, my difficult child would use that to her own advantage - the focus was off of her for the moment and H and I would be arguing with one another instead. Not healthy for anyone.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Garamond'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: sienna">Sending lots of hugs and support.</span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 173901, member: 2211"] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=sienna]Everything everyone said about your difficult child and his issues is true. Yes, he is doing something illegal and he's an alcoholic and needs treatment. But you already know that.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=sienna]I really agree with what Nomad said about you and H working on your marriage (alone together without difficult child) so you can at least get on the same page (and in the same book, lol). [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=sienna]If that idea won't fly with H, then I would definitely hand the ball (difficult child & all) to H and NO MATTER HOW DIFFICULT, DO NOT GET INVOLVED IN difficult child & HIS CRUD OR THE WAY H HANDLES IT). [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=sienna]If that is not feasible (due to H's schedule, etc), then perhaps a temporary move so they will be alone together. Because I know that the poo-poo always hit the fan when my H wasn't around and I'd be dealing with it all by myself most of the time. So when I would relay the incident or situation to my H, he'd look at me like I was crazy and say I was over reacting. Ugh.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=sienna]I know you're worried about how difficult a move will be on your daughter, but by staying, you are reinforcing that living that way is acceptable on some level to daughter. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=sienna]Being as open and honest with your daughter about a temporary leave for the benefit of everyone's safety and sanity, at 15, will make some sense to her even if she doesn't like the idea. I understand she needs to feel secure - providing her a safe place to live and play and study IS security and though she may not see it now, later she will.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=sienna]I would seriously consider finding a place to stay so H can be afforded the opportunity to see just how steeped in addiction your difficult child really is when he's the only parent there to pick up the pieces each day with difficult child. Perhaps then he will finally move at warp speed so you can work together on this.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=sienna]It took my H a very long time to FINALLY get on the same page with me about my difficult child and now that he is - watch out. He's more zealous about rules, money, etc., than I ever was - lol. It's a good thing. But before that we'd end up arguing and of course, my difficult child would use that to her own advantage - the focus was off of her for the moment and H and I would be arguing with one another instead. Not healthy for anyone.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=3][COLOR=sienna]Sending lots of hugs and support.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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