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Sabotaged, discouraged, defeated
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<blockquote data-quote="katya02" data-source="post: 173921" data-attributes="member: 2884"><p>Sorry I haven't given any background to difficult child's story ... he has been in treatment, had 2 hospitalizations, etc., since about age 8. Diagnoses have included Asperger's, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) not otherwise specified, early onset bipolar, ODD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (definitely), mood disorder not otherwise specified, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). At age 14 he refused to continue medications or seeing any doctor; he was away from treatment until this spring. Extremely explosive temper with violence was a big problem all through, but there was also weirdness like obsessions with sharps, obsessions with toilet tissue, hoarding, etc. He hallucinated at times and at other times was paranoid to the point of delusion. </p><p></p><p>In his last two years of high school difficult child was more stable than he'd ever been. There were still a few rages but not violent; he complained of isolation by his sibs and had (still has) no insight into the fact that he terrified them for years. The main worry was that he started sneaking alcohol from our wine rack and/or cupboard. I think husband was so relieved that the worst behaviors had gone that he didn't want to address this new problem. The other thing was that difficult child learned to expertly triangulate husband and I. husband was never home, so I always dealt with issues; difficult child would report a truncated, twisted version of what had happened to husband, who would then accuse me of not communicating well, or of overreacting. My mother in law stirred the pot (did from the beginning) by insisting that difficult child is just a normal little boy who will be just fine, and the problem was/is me. She was furious that husband ever married me in the first place because I'm not of their ethnic group. The family dynamics there permit no boundaries and infantilize males (not females, of course) until they die of old age. Wish I'd known that before marriage ...</p><p></p><p>Anyway. I'd like to get marriage counseling, though I am more than a little wary - I've been burned in my own past by incompetent 'therapists'. Still, I was looking forward to going to the family sessions of this rehab program, so that husband could hear from other parents and get some objective comments. Also so that I and my other kids could get some support. </p><p></p><p>I have to admit I'm not impressed with 12 step programs. I don't like the emphasis on powerlessness, and the way addiction is framed as a lifelong illness with no hope of cure, so the patient has no control. Also these programs have an abysmal success rate. I know there's a predisposition to addictive behaviors that's likely genetic, and I have a feeling that addictive behaviors are part of the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) spectrum. That said, there's also a decision that each person makes, a responsibility that must be shouldered. I recently came across a program called Rational Recovery that puts responsibility on the individual. It makes sense to me. It has a zero tolerance policy that it recommends families put in place for any drinking/using by the person concerned. difficult child has agreed to use this program and has read almost the whole book (very unusual for him, he really doesn't read much). We are going through one chapter per day intensively, i.e. reading passages and discussing the content both theoretically and as applied to difficult child's life. difficult child has not touched any alcohol since July 1. It's back out in the wine racks (husband's idea). difficult child has reported one day where he thought of sneaking something while we were all outside, but he used the techniques from the book and decided against it. </p><p></p><p>Has anyone had any experience with this program?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="katya02, post: 173921, member: 2884"] Sorry I haven't given any background to difficult child's story ... he has been in treatment, had 2 hospitalizations, etc., since about age 8. Diagnoses have included Asperger's, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) not otherwise specified, early onset bipolar, ODD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (definitely), mood disorder not otherwise specified, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). At age 14 he refused to continue medications or seeing any doctor; he was away from treatment until this spring. Extremely explosive temper with violence was a big problem all through, but there was also weirdness like obsessions with sharps, obsessions with toilet tissue, hoarding, etc. He hallucinated at times and at other times was paranoid to the point of delusion. In his last two years of high school difficult child was more stable than he'd ever been. There were still a few rages but not violent; he complained of isolation by his sibs and had (still has) no insight into the fact that he terrified them for years. The main worry was that he started sneaking alcohol from our wine rack and/or cupboard. I think husband was so relieved that the worst behaviors had gone that he didn't want to address this new problem. The other thing was that difficult child learned to expertly triangulate husband and I. husband was never home, so I always dealt with issues; difficult child would report a truncated, twisted version of what had happened to husband, who would then accuse me of not communicating well, or of overreacting. My mother in law stirred the pot (did from the beginning) by insisting that difficult child is just a normal little boy who will be just fine, and the problem was/is me. She was furious that husband ever married me in the first place because I'm not of their ethnic group. The family dynamics there permit no boundaries and infantilize males (not females, of course) until they die of old age. Wish I'd known that before marriage ... Anyway. I'd like to get marriage counseling, though I am more than a little wary - I've been burned in my own past by incompetent 'therapists'. Still, I was looking forward to going to the family sessions of this rehab program, so that husband could hear from other parents and get some objective comments. Also so that I and my other kids could get some support. I have to admit I'm not impressed with 12 step programs. I don't like the emphasis on powerlessness, and the way addiction is framed as a lifelong illness with no hope of cure, so the patient has no control. Also these programs have an abysmal success rate. I know there's a predisposition to addictive behaviors that's likely genetic, and I have a feeling that addictive behaviors are part of the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) spectrum. That said, there's also a decision that each person makes, a responsibility that must be shouldered. I recently came across a program called Rational Recovery that puts responsibility on the individual. It makes sense to me. It has a zero tolerance policy that it recommends families put in place for any drinking/using by the person concerned. difficult child has agreed to use this program and has read almost the whole book (very unusual for him, he really doesn't read much). We are going through one chapter per day intensively, i.e. reading passages and discussing the content both theoretically and as applied to difficult child's life. difficult child has not touched any alcohol since July 1. It's back out in the wine racks (husband's idea). difficult child has reported one day where he thought of sneaking something while we were all outside, but he used the techniques from the book and decided against it. Has anyone had any experience with this program? [/QUOTE]
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