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Substance Abuse
Sad, venting, confused
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 753916" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am not writing this to be harsh. I truly understand the position you are in, and I sympathize greatly. I feel sad for you and for your son. What I write here is to help you face that you cannot bring him home. And he needs to understand why. His life may depend upon it, too.</p><p></p><p>If he is in a gang helpless, this alone can bring violence and danger to your family. The gang or a rival gang will not hesitate to hurt you, or threaten you, your family or your home if there is the inclination to do so. If they want.</p><p></p><p>To bring a child to your home who has criminal involvement means that you are always at risk of the police raiding your home, which can be violent, too, if there is the suspicion your son is majorly involved in something criminal. Even if you know nothing about what is happening, you would be at risk. If there is the sense that you should have known, this is enough.</p><p></p><p>This happened to a woman I know. Her home was raided by the police. She was thrown to the ground with guns to her back. Her home was turned upside down. Money and drugs were found. She was arrested and charged as a co-conspirator with her child. She lost her job.</p><p></p><p>She told me that she was lucky they did not kill her dog. She had no younger children, but if this happened minor children could be removed, to foster homes.</p><p></p><p>The situation of your son is difficult and sad. But I don't see how you are in a position to take on the risk of even thinking about taking him home. I think the kindest thing you can tell him is the truth. That his poor choices put him and everybody who loves him at risk. He needs to know this. And to learn to take responsibility for what he has chosen. What he is choosing makes him dangerous. This is the reality. I hope you forgive yourself for facing that.</p><p></p><p>At 16 he is eligible for Job Corps, a free, federal jobs program that feeds and houses young people and provides excellent vocation trainings, and supervision. They work with troubled and problemed youth. There are centers all over the country. My son went. I love this program.</p><p></p><p>Your son is making the choices of an adult. He has chosen to no longer be a child. That is the reality. He may be your child, but he is insisting upon making choices that take him outside of that role. He no longer accepts supervision or control. He will no longer adhere to boundaries. That he could come home to a loving mother and all will be well, is a fantasy. It can't, given who he is right now.</p><p></p><p>You are causing yourself great pain by taking guilt upon yourself. There may have been choices in the past where you could have done differently. That's true for me, and I would guess for all of us. But for you, now, no.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 753916, member: 18958"] I am not writing this to be harsh. I truly understand the position you are in, and I sympathize greatly. I feel sad for you and for your son. What I write here is to help you face that you cannot bring him home. And he needs to understand why. His life may depend upon it, too. If he is in a gang helpless, this alone can bring violence and danger to your family. The gang or a rival gang will not hesitate to hurt you, or threaten you, your family or your home if there is the inclination to do so. If they want. To bring a child to your home who has criminal involvement means that you are always at risk of the police raiding your home, which can be violent, too, if there is the suspicion your son is majorly involved in something criminal. Even if you know nothing about what is happening, you would be at risk. If there is the sense that you should have known, this is enough. This happened to a woman I know. Her home was raided by the police. She was thrown to the ground with guns to her back. Her home was turned upside down. Money and drugs were found. She was arrested and charged as a co-conspirator with her child. She lost her job. She told me that she was lucky they did not kill her dog. She had no younger children, but if this happened minor children could be removed, to foster homes. The situation of your son is difficult and sad. But I don't see how you are in a position to take on the risk of even thinking about taking him home. I think the kindest thing you can tell him is the truth. That his poor choices put him and everybody who loves him at risk. He needs to know this. And to learn to take responsibility for what he has chosen. What he is choosing makes him dangerous. This is the reality. I hope you forgive yourself for facing that. At 16 he is eligible for Job Corps, a free, federal jobs program that feeds and houses young people and provides excellent vocation trainings, and supervision. They work with troubled and problemed youth. There are centers all over the country. My son went. I love this program. Your son is making the choices of an adult. He has chosen to no longer be a child. That is the reality. He may be your child, but he is insisting upon making choices that take him outside of that role. He no longer accepts supervision or control. He will no longer adhere to boundaries. That he could come home to a loving mother and all will be well, is a fantasy. It can't, given who he is right now. You are causing yourself great pain by taking guilt upon yourself. There may have been choices in the past where you could have done differently. That's true for me, and I would guess for all of us. But for you, now, no. [/QUOTE]
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