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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 550195" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Welcome back, Malika! We missed you!</p><p></p><p>I am going to give you my take on things by comparing J to my grandson who I am positive has issues beyond just the divorce. He was always difficult and is more difficult now that my son's wife ran off w ith another honey and has forced grandson to be with her new honey even before the divorce was final. They get 50/50 custody.</p><p></p><p>Grandson's mother has a terrible time making J (he's a J too...lol) mind her and he is misbehaving at the sitters. The sitter claims that J won't mind her and is constantly asking for Daddy and when the doorbell rings he runs for it every time calling, Daddyyyyyyyyyy!" My son (J's father) has very little trouble with J. and I don't think it's because he's a man. My son simply has a very calm, quiet environment. When J. stays with him they mostly stay home and do Dad/Son stuff and it is very good for a high strung four year old. There are no visitors. There are no frantic races around town to see relatives and friends. There are no multitude of trips with other kids to the zoo, the park, a barbecue, etc. Simply put, my J. does not do well when he is unstructured and overstimulated. His mother drags him all over and forces him to interact with new people, young and old, and it makes him wild. My son makes sure his son is in a quiet, soothing place where he can be himself. This doesn't mean that J. is never wild with Dad. Dad is more accepting of it therefore it happens a lot less. I don't know if this made any sense. I hope it did.</p><p></p><p>Now for YOUR J. I am thinking that maybe all that traveling around and the chaos of the other rowdier kids set him off. I actually wonder if, in spite of the nasty comments you get from some nasty neighbors, if your J is not in a good place in the village since it is peaceful and free of chaos. As for why he is better with Dad? Maybe he is the same, but is more tolerant of the behavior or doesn't see it as so terrible. To be honest, I think finding a new man would probably throw your J. into more chaos than now. He has a father and knows who he is. It is hard to intergrate a difficult child and a new honey together in harmony. Maybe you can find him a mentor. </p><p></p><p>My J's mother's new man has not made things better for J. He asks for daddy constantly at her house and throws lots of tantrums.</p><p></p><p>I think our more challenging kids are better off when they are accepted AND also when things are calmer. </p><p></p><p>Did I make any sense at all? Contradict myself much? LOL. I am trying to help. I am thinking that my J and your J could be brothers. I am pretty sure that my grandson J has ADHD, if not other stuff too, but definitely ADHD. by the way, like your J, my J can be a lovebug and just a real little sweetie that hugs and kisses and seems to have two sides...lol.</p><p></p><p>WElcome back again <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I really enjoy your posts!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 550195, member: 1550"] Welcome back, Malika! We missed you! I am going to give you my take on things by comparing J to my grandson who I am positive has issues beyond just the divorce. He was always difficult and is more difficult now that my son's wife ran off w ith another honey and has forced grandson to be with her new honey even before the divorce was final. They get 50/50 custody. Grandson's mother has a terrible time making J (he's a J too...lol) mind her and he is misbehaving at the sitters. The sitter claims that J won't mind her and is constantly asking for Daddy and when the doorbell rings he runs for it every time calling, Daddyyyyyyyyyy!" My son (J's father) has very little trouble with J. and I don't think it's because he's a man. My son simply has a very calm, quiet environment. When J. stays with him they mostly stay home and do Dad/Son stuff and it is very good for a high strung four year old. There are no visitors. There are no frantic races around town to see relatives and friends. There are no multitude of trips with other kids to the zoo, the park, a barbecue, etc. Simply put, my J. does not do well when he is unstructured and overstimulated. His mother drags him all over and forces him to interact with new people, young and old, and it makes him wild. My son makes sure his son is in a quiet, soothing place where he can be himself. This doesn't mean that J. is never wild with Dad. Dad is more accepting of it therefore it happens a lot less. I don't know if this made any sense. I hope it did. Now for YOUR J. I am thinking that maybe all that traveling around and the chaos of the other rowdier kids set him off. I actually wonder if, in spite of the nasty comments you get from some nasty neighbors, if your J is not in a good place in the village since it is peaceful and free of chaos. As for why he is better with Dad? Maybe he is the same, but is more tolerant of the behavior or doesn't see it as so terrible. To be honest, I think finding a new man would probably throw your J. into more chaos than now. He has a father and knows who he is. It is hard to intergrate a difficult child and a new honey together in harmony. Maybe you can find him a mentor. My J's mother's new man has not made things better for J. He asks for daddy constantly at her house and throws lots of tantrums. I think our more challenging kids are better off when they are accepted AND also when things are calmer. Did I make any sense at all? Contradict myself much? LOL. I am trying to help. I am thinking that my J and your J could be brothers. I am pretty sure that my grandson J has ADHD, if not other stuff too, but definitely ADHD. by the way, like your J, my J can be a lovebug and just a real little sweetie that hugs and kisses and seems to have two sides...lol. WElcome back again :) I really enjoy your posts! [/QUOTE]
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