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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 550246" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Many thanks for your views and insights. Well, I do of course understand people who find hyperactivity difficult, being one of them myself <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> But I sense that my ex sister in law's husband uses the hyperactivity as a pretext; it is other things he does not like about J. Otherwise his reaction would not be so extreme and have appeared so early on. It is a bit like when people are racist - if a child of another (disliked) ethnic origin is very quiet and "good", they will be grudgingly accepted - at least they know their place! But if the same child is turbulent and naughty, all the projected dislike of the child's race will be poured on his or her head, under the pretext of the turbulence. I can't explain this more but I do see it operating in places. And I honestly cannot condone this guy's behaviour - refusing to even speak to your house guests to greet them is rather difficult child-ish in my book!</p><p>I think, yes, the affection by which J is surrounded at the house in Morocco as well as the fact that the activities are few and life is all centred around the house is probably good for him. Also - all respect to him for it - my ex-husband is clearly attached to and loving with J. This is actually unusual in Moroccan society. There is a stigma about adoption (in fact adoption in our sense of the word does not exist at all) and it is rare for a family to take an adopted child to their hearts in the way that my ex'husband's have done with J, particularly after a divorce and the birth of a biological baby - a son, to boot (my ex and his wife had a baby earlier this year). This is, I suspect, all driven by my ex mother in law, who is a very devout and generous woman who is mother to all and sundry. </p><p>I hardly dare hope that my application for British citizenship will be successful because it is SUCH a lottery, and so far from certain, but truly it would ease things and enable us to go and live in Morocco which I now feel certain is absolutely the best route for J. </p><p>Your advice is wise, MWM. Of course quietness and stability are good for J. The village is quiet but I am not sure it is free of chaos - trouble is that we have no outside space and J regards the village as his playground, wanting to go out in it unsupervised all the time, with all the attendant difficulty and tantrums over coming back when he needs to, not to mention the general danger of an ADHD kid of five playing unsupervised all over the village and surrounding countryside. And this is where J is SO difficult. He may be five but he has, very seriously, all the determination and obstinacy of a fully grown person when it comes to doing what he wants. He is like an almost unstoppable force, and can be highly aggravating and unpleasant in trying to get his own way. Well, you all know the score, I am sure <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> And then at other times, not just affectionate and loving but really full of joie de vivre, curiosity, playfulness and infectious humour - a delightful child. </p><p>As for tomorrow and the start of school... I feel somewhat despairing. He seems in no way ready! Doesn't want to sit still for two minutes, deliberately scribbles and makes a mess when I have been trying to get him to do a few little fun pre-school exercises, continually states he will go to school but will not do any WORK (he just wants to play). I rather fear what will happen but one has to be prepared to be surprised, I suppose. There is a new (male) teacher who looks young and not particularly equipped to deal with an ADHD kid - but I really don't know for sure, so let's see. </p><p>Let's see... <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 550246, member: 11227"] Many thanks for your views and insights. Well, I do of course understand people who find hyperactivity difficult, being one of them myself :) But I sense that my ex sister in law's husband uses the hyperactivity as a pretext; it is other things he does not like about J. Otherwise his reaction would not be so extreme and have appeared so early on. It is a bit like when people are racist - if a child of another (disliked) ethnic origin is very quiet and "good", they will be grudgingly accepted - at least they know their place! But if the same child is turbulent and naughty, all the projected dislike of the child's race will be poured on his or her head, under the pretext of the turbulence. I can't explain this more but I do see it operating in places. And I honestly cannot condone this guy's behaviour - refusing to even speak to your house guests to greet them is rather difficult child-ish in my book! I think, yes, the affection by which J is surrounded at the house in Morocco as well as the fact that the activities are few and life is all centred around the house is probably good for him. Also - all respect to him for it - my ex-husband is clearly attached to and loving with J. This is actually unusual in Moroccan society. There is a stigma about adoption (in fact adoption in our sense of the word does not exist at all) and it is rare for a family to take an adopted child to their hearts in the way that my ex'husband's have done with J, particularly after a divorce and the birth of a biological baby - a son, to boot (my ex and his wife had a baby earlier this year). This is, I suspect, all driven by my ex mother in law, who is a very devout and generous woman who is mother to all and sundry. I hardly dare hope that my application for British citizenship will be successful because it is SUCH a lottery, and so far from certain, but truly it would ease things and enable us to go and live in Morocco which I now feel certain is absolutely the best route for J. Your advice is wise, MWM. Of course quietness and stability are good for J. The village is quiet but I am not sure it is free of chaos - trouble is that we have no outside space and J regards the village as his playground, wanting to go out in it unsupervised all the time, with all the attendant difficulty and tantrums over coming back when he needs to, not to mention the general danger of an ADHD kid of five playing unsupervised all over the village and surrounding countryside. And this is where J is SO difficult. He may be five but he has, very seriously, all the determination and obstinacy of a fully grown person when it comes to doing what he wants. He is like an almost unstoppable force, and can be highly aggravating and unpleasant in trying to get his own way. Well, you all know the score, I am sure :) And then at other times, not just affectionate and loving but really full of joie de vivre, curiosity, playfulness and infectious humour - a delightful child. As for tomorrow and the start of school... I feel somewhat despairing. He seems in no way ready! Doesn't want to sit still for two minutes, deliberately scribbles and makes a mess when I have been trying to get him to do a few little fun pre-school exercises, continually states he will go to school but will not do any WORK (he just wants to play). I rather fear what will happen but one has to be prepared to be surprised, I suppose. There is a new (male) teacher who looks young and not particularly equipped to deal with an ADHD kid - but I really don't know for sure, so let's see. Let's see... :) [/QUOTE]
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