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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 550394" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Just wanted to add a note to this. I have been struck, again, by something I know but keep forgetting... because I am dealing with a condition that is difficult to deal with - and blow any official diagnoses or not, I am now so certain that J has ADHD, and is in fact a textbook case - I lack confidence in myself, feel I have to follow advice, things I read, I switch between being too hard or too flexible... this never (of course) really works!</p><p>What works is when I just come really into the present, react to him from my own sense of things and connectedness to him. Last night I realised that what really does work with J is humour and a kind of firey immediacy, which is why he gets on well in Morocco, I think - Moroccans are light-hearted and warm (mostly!) even when they are cross. It all blows over in a minute and they will be laughing and chattering again. I get too serious and too wound up with J, and upset with him for his difficultness. It is as though I resent him for being the way he is, rather than accepting him... and this is a very European, judgemental thing. Moroccans generally are less engaged in constantly weighing people and things up and judging them. </p><p>So I can be more instinctive, more spontaneous with J and that is fine and actually a much healthier way of relating to him, I feel <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 550394, member: 11227"] Just wanted to add a note to this. I have been struck, again, by something I know but keep forgetting... because I am dealing with a condition that is difficult to deal with - and blow any official diagnoses or not, I am now so certain that J has ADHD, and is in fact a textbook case - I lack confidence in myself, feel I have to follow advice, things I read, I switch between being too hard or too flexible... this never (of course) really works! What works is when I just come really into the present, react to him from my own sense of things and connectedness to him. Last night I realised that what really does work with J is humour and a kind of firey immediacy, which is why he gets on well in Morocco, I think - Moroccans are light-hearted and warm (mostly!) even when they are cross. It all blows over in a minute and they will be laughing and chattering again. I get too serious and too wound up with J, and upset with him for his difficultness. It is as though I resent him for being the way he is, rather than accepting him... and this is a very European, judgemental thing. Moroccans generally are less engaged in constantly weighing people and things up and judging them. So I can be more instinctive, more spontaneous with J and that is fine and actually a much healthier way of relating to him, I feel :) [/QUOTE]
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