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Santa's not coming here tonight!
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 110130" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>It sounds like you already gave him his consequences when you put him in the room. Taking Christmas only gives him the message that he's a bad, not that he does bad things. Convince him he's bad and I'll guaranty you he'll end up trying to prove you right because he knows that's not what you want.</p><p></p><p>I do like the idea of a lump of coal (or rock or switch since it's kind of late to get some coal) added as a Santa gift to let him know that Santa is watching.</p><p></p><p>If it helps, I used to have a room something like yours for my daughter. It wasn't done as a punishment but as a way to protect her from herself and my things from her. Whenever she went into tantrum mode (which she could do for hours on end), she would go in that room. I actually had plexiglass that slipped over the glass because she had in fact broken the windows. However, it was not there permanently. As was said, it could be dangerous in case of fire and totally illegal. I did put in a ceiling fan with a light so she wasn't in total darkness (again, something social services would frown upon). I also had a lock on her door at the advice of her therapist (with a note from him). I would, however, sit on the other side of the door so I would know when the tantrum was over or if she was truly in any danger of harming herself. The minute the tantrum was over, the door was opened and she was let out with a gentle hug to let her know she was loved even if her behavior wasn't. If she started tantruming again, she would go back into the safe room.</p><p></p><p>It took 3 years for her to figure out a tantrum got her nowhere she wanted to be, but she did get the message.</p><p></p><p>So long as she played nice and didn't scream, kick, hit or throw, she was allowed to play with her toys (and me). As was explained to me and me to her, the room was not to punish her but to keep her safe until she learned how to control her tantrums. Doing it as a punitive measure at a young age seems to be counter-productive and gives the wrong message -- you're inherently bad and don't deserve good things. Removal of everything and forcing a child to earn things back seems to work better when they are in puberty and beyond.</p><p></p><p>Since you don't have the space for a safe room and a bedroom for him, I'd try to explain to him that this is his bedroom but he'll still be able to play with his toys when he is behaving nicely. As he learns to control his behavior and you feel he will be safe, he will get more of his things back, starting with his bed and ending with his toys.</p><p></p><p>Sadly, I'd say you are either going to have to soon move to something with three bedrooms or put your younger son in the living room. The odds of your older son being willing to go back to sharing a room are probably pretty slim.</p><p></p><p>I hope things are better Christmas morning for all of you. I do understand what you are going through. I've truly been there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 110130, member: 3626"] It sounds like you already gave him his consequences when you put him in the room. Taking Christmas only gives him the message that he's a bad, not that he does bad things. Convince him he's bad and I'll guaranty you he'll end up trying to prove you right because he knows that's not what you want. I do like the idea of a lump of coal (or rock or switch since it's kind of late to get some coal) added as a Santa gift to let him know that Santa is watching. If it helps, I used to have a room something like yours for my daughter. It wasn't done as a punishment but as a way to protect her from herself and my things from her. Whenever she went into tantrum mode (which she could do for hours on end), she would go in that room. I actually had plexiglass that slipped over the glass because she had in fact broken the windows. However, it was not there permanently. As was said, it could be dangerous in case of fire and totally illegal. I did put in a ceiling fan with a light so she wasn't in total darkness (again, something social services would frown upon). I also had a lock on her door at the advice of her therapist (with a note from him). I would, however, sit on the other side of the door so I would know when the tantrum was over or if she was truly in any danger of harming herself. The minute the tantrum was over, the door was opened and she was let out with a gentle hug to let her know she was loved even if her behavior wasn't. If she started tantruming again, she would go back into the safe room. It took 3 years for her to figure out a tantrum got her nowhere she wanted to be, but she did get the message. So long as she played nice and didn't scream, kick, hit or throw, she was allowed to play with her toys (and me). As was explained to me and me to her, the room was not to punish her but to keep her safe until she learned how to control her tantrums. Doing it as a punitive measure at a young age seems to be counter-productive and gives the wrong message -- you're inherently bad and don't deserve good things. Removal of everything and forcing a child to earn things back seems to work better when they are in puberty and beyond. Since you don't have the space for a safe room and a bedroom for him, I'd try to explain to him that this is his bedroom but he'll still be able to play with his toys when he is behaving nicely. As he learns to control his behavior and you feel he will be safe, he will get more of his things back, starting with his bed and ending with his toys. Sadly, I'd say you are either going to have to soon move to something with three bedrooms or put your younger son in the living room. The odds of your older son being willing to go back to sharing a room are probably pretty slim. I hope things are better Christmas morning for all of you. I do understand what you are going through. I've truly been there. [/QUOTE]
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