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General Parenting
scared for the future - long, sorry...
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 434706" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Yes... the thing is though, SRL, that while I myself really agree with you - because lies are something I cannot accept, or stealing - and while my instinct is always to scold J when he does something unacceptable, if I am honest, I have never had any positive result from this... It just seems to make him oppositional and seems to be internalised by him in a way that is quite extreme. When I tell him off, he often says "I want to sleep, I feel sleepy, I want to go to bed" almost as though he is depressed. Yesterday, after the "stealing" incident I said to him that stealing was naughty, it was like what burglars did (he is very interested in and vaguely anxious about burglars coming into our house, ever since I explained what they are...); later in the conversation I said he was a good boy. "No, I'm not, I'm not good, I'm a burglar!" he cried, with real force and conviction.</p><p>I just don't know what I'm doing to his self esteem with this scolding... Again, if I am honest, he always responds positively if I talk to him positively, with a lot of affection and no blame. So those are just my pragmatic observations...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 434706, member: 11227"] Yes... the thing is though, SRL, that while I myself really agree with you - because lies are something I cannot accept, or stealing - and while my instinct is always to scold J when he does something unacceptable, if I am honest, I have never had any positive result from this... It just seems to make him oppositional and seems to be internalised by him in a way that is quite extreme. When I tell him off, he often says "I want to sleep, I feel sleepy, I want to go to bed" almost as though he is depressed. Yesterday, after the "stealing" incident I said to him that stealing was naughty, it was like what burglars did (he is very interested in and vaguely anxious about burglars coming into our house, ever since I explained what they are...); later in the conversation I said he was a good boy. "No, I'm not, I'm not good, I'm a burglar!" he cried, with real force and conviction. I just don't know what I'm doing to his self esteem with this scolding... Again, if I am honest, he always responds positively if I talk to him positively, with a lot of affection and no blame. So those are just my pragmatic observations... [/QUOTE]
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