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scared for the future - long, sorry...
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<blockquote data-quote="keista" data-source="post: 434717" data-attributes="member: 11965"><p>I had to giggle at this. Pictured a little boy saying this and it was just the cutest image - I know that it really is not, yes raises those self esteem flags for me too, BUT the good news is he understands that what he did was wrong. He understands the severity of his infraction. He may never (at least for a few months or years) take anything that doesn't belong to him again. This is a VERY good thing. If we never scold, if we never make our children feel bad about their bad actions, then they will never learn that they are indeed bad. This is a pitfall some parents fall into, and end up CREATING difficult children from pcs. Oh, junior doesn't understand yet, Oh I don't want to squash his sense of exploration, blah blah blah. Next thing you know, Junior is stealing from convenience stores, and setting them on fire. We, as parents, don't ever want our kids to feel "bad", but the reality is that when you correct a child, they will feel "bad". They should feel "bad" The child needs to process that, and learn that if they stop that behavior, they will no longer get scolded, and then no longer feel "bad"</p><p></p><p>Your child is already a difficult child. You did not create that, but many parenting concepts are still the same. While a born difficult child may have a harder time understanding and controlling the bad behavior, we still need to deal with it just as strictly and harshly. Judging from his exclamation, I think you did a FABULOUS job of getting the message through to him. If he keeps repeating it, starts obsessing ver the fact that he's 'not good' Then you need to follow up with that he CAN be good as long as he never steals again. Never stealing again will make him good.</p><p></p><p>I do want to get back to the DVDs though. The content of that dog DVD, although more suitable for older kids, probably did not have much to do with his behavior, UNLESS it portrayed dogs behaving "badly" and made it funny and excusable with no consequences. So again I'm asking if he got just one DVD or the usual 2-3. From a normal rational, parental perspective, getting 1 DVD should certainly suffice. For a normal child it would certainly suffice, especially if they were going to some really fun activities such as the circus. For a difficult child, if it breaks the routine, then it can very easily trigger that poor behavior. "the devil is in the details" For a child who has difficulty with transitions and changes in routine, a seemingly small change can make a world of difference. This is why I offer up examples that most ppl wouldn't think twice about - plates, laundry detergent, background music. In this particular situation, the change is in the DVDs, whether content or amount.</p><p></p><p>What I look for is the "butterfly effect" It's a chaos theory principle that the presence of a butterfly flapping it's wings on one side of the planet, can cause a hurricane on the other side. I think this explains many difficult children very well. The tiniest of things can set them off and create, meltdowns, tantrums or rages that are completely disproportionate. If we can find that 'tiny thing' and adjust it, we can avoid that 'hurricane'.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="keista, post: 434717, member: 11965"] I had to giggle at this. Pictured a little boy saying this and it was just the cutest image - I know that it really is not, yes raises those self esteem flags for me too, BUT the good news is he understands that what he did was wrong. He understands the severity of his infraction. He may never (at least for a few months or years) take anything that doesn't belong to him again. This is a VERY good thing. If we never scold, if we never make our children feel bad about their bad actions, then they will never learn that they are indeed bad. This is a pitfall some parents fall into, and end up CREATING difficult children from pcs. Oh, junior doesn't understand yet, Oh I don't want to squash his sense of exploration, blah blah blah. Next thing you know, Junior is stealing from convenience stores, and setting them on fire. We, as parents, don't ever want our kids to feel "bad", but the reality is that when you correct a child, they will feel "bad". They should feel "bad" The child needs to process that, and learn that if they stop that behavior, they will no longer get scolded, and then no longer feel "bad" Your child is already a difficult child. You did not create that, but many parenting concepts are still the same. While a born difficult child may have a harder time understanding and controlling the bad behavior, we still need to deal with it just as strictly and harshly. Judging from his exclamation, I think you did a FABULOUS job of getting the message through to him. If he keeps repeating it, starts obsessing ver the fact that he's 'not good' Then you need to follow up with that he CAN be good as long as he never steals again. Never stealing again will make him good. I do want to get back to the DVDs though. The content of that dog DVD, although more suitable for older kids, probably did not have much to do with his behavior, UNLESS it portrayed dogs behaving "badly" and made it funny and excusable with no consequences. So again I'm asking if he got just one DVD or the usual 2-3. From a normal rational, parental perspective, getting 1 DVD should certainly suffice. For a normal child it would certainly suffice, especially if they were going to some really fun activities such as the circus. For a difficult child, if it breaks the routine, then it can very easily trigger that poor behavior. "the devil is in the details" For a child who has difficulty with transitions and changes in routine, a seemingly small change can make a world of difference. This is why I offer up examples that most ppl wouldn't think twice about - plates, laundry detergent, background music. In this particular situation, the change is in the DVDs, whether content or amount. What I look for is the "butterfly effect" It's a chaos theory principle that the presence of a butterfly flapping it's wings on one side of the planet, can cause a hurricane on the other side. I think this explains many difficult children very well. The tiniest of things can set them off and create, meltdowns, tantrums or rages that are completely disproportionate. If we can find that 'tiny thing' and adjust it, we can avoid that 'hurricane'. [/QUOTE]
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