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<blockquote data-quote="HeadlightsMom" data-source="post: 633962" data-attributes="member: 18284"><p>Teary Eyed --- Can so relate from here. My thoughts are with you. Glad your difficult child turned up....even if it's in jail. 2 thoughts from here:</p><p></p><p>1) FACEBOOK -- I have "lost" my difficult child for stretches of time often (several weeks at a time). He is homeless. FB has become our most reliable lifeline for contact or just plain knowing he's alive. A few adventages to FB. If he is posting, it tells me of his state of mind (and whether I should hold off on seeing him for a while). If he's well, we make plans to visit. If not, we wait (on purpose). IMPORTANT: If I send a private FB message, I can see the "Seen at...." stamp on the bottom of a private message and know that he saw it (and, by extension, is alive). If he sees it right away, I know he's most likely got a cell phone (usually for drug purposes). I never get a # because it changes every few days when drugs are involved. Sometimes he replies, sometimes not (lately, it's a "Not"). But at least I know he's alive. If he chooses to reply, then we have cautious contact....wherever he is (except for jail). Which brings me to my second point...</p><p></p><p>2) JAIL ROSTER -- We have also learned over the years that if he shows up missing on Facebook for 2 weeks or more, then we check the local jail roster on-line. Do you have an on-line jail register in your area? Sometimes he's on there and we, like you right now, know where he is. Not ideal, but alive and with a cot and meals, at least. Our on-line jail roster tells us date/time of arrest, charges (although not always a complete list), and court dates and actions. VERY helpful.</p><p></p><p>From my heart, Teary Eyed...... We are soooo with you on feeling glad to at least see him in jail! Not that we wish that on anyone, but it is a two-fold blessing in my opinion. 1) They're alive! 2) They have a CHANCE at getting court-ordered help.</p><p></p><p>The way our kids are, there are often few and far-between windows of opportunity where they "see" some semblance of cause and effect. Every window of opportunity is a gift!</p><p></p><p>And, luckily for us, as we "see" more than they do, we have far more windows of opportunity to grow OUR lives into greater health and happiness. Though our lives are intertwined with theirs, we are separate people. We have just as much freedom, right, and opportunity to health and happiness as they do.</p><p></p><p>Teary-Eyed -- You're doing a great job navigating this very difficult situation! His life = his freedom and his consequences!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HeadlightsMom, post: 633962, member: 18284"] Teary Eyed --- Can so relate from here. My thoughts are with you. Glad your difficult child turned up....even if it's in jail. 2 thoughts from here: 1) FACEBOOK -- I have "lost" my difficult child for stretches of time often (several weeks at a time). He is homeless. FB has become our most reliable lifeline for contact or just plain knowing he's alive. A few adventages to FB. If he is posting, it tells me of his state of mind (and whether I should hold off on seeing him for a while). If he's well, we make plans to visit. If not, we wait (on purpose). IMPORTANT: If I send a private FB message, I can see the "Seen at...." stamp on the bottom of a private message and know that he saw it (and, by extension, is alive). If he sees it right away, I know he's most likely got a cell phone (usually for drug purposes). I never get a # because it changes every few days when drugs are involved. Sometimes he replies, sometimes not (lately, it's a "Not"). But at least I know he's alive. If he chooses to reply, then we have cautious contact....wherever he is (except for jail). Which brings me to my second point... 2) JAIL ROSTER -- We have also learned over the years that if he shows up missing on Facebook for 2 weeks or more, then we check the local jail roster on-line. Do you have an on-line jail register in your area? Sometimes he's on there and we, like you right now, know where he is. Not ideal, but alive and with a cot and meals, at least. Our on-line jail roster tells us date/time of arrest, charges (although not always a complete list), and court dates and actions. VERY helpful. From my heart, Teary Eyed...... We are soooo with you on feeling glad to at least see him in jail! Not that we wish that on anyone, but it is a two-fold blessing in my opinion. 1) They're alive! 2) They have a CHANCE at getting court-ordered help. The way our kids are, there are often few and far-between windows of opportunity where they "see" some semblance of cause and effect. Every window of opportunity is a gift! And, luckily for us, as we "see" more than they do, we have far more windows of opportunity to grow OUR lives into greater health and happiness. Though our lives are intertwined with theirs, we are separate people. We have just as much freedom, right, and opportunity to health and happiness as they do. Teary-Eyed -- You're doing a great job navigating this very difficult situation! His life = his freedom and his consequences! [/QUOTE]
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