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<blockquote data-quote="JJJ" data-source="post: 326581" data-attributes="member: 1169"><p>We have been through the same problem here. There is hope! At 10, Tigger is doing much better. What helped him was to break it down into small, small steps.</p><p></p><p>Last year, the social worker took Tigger and a regular ed kid (with good social skills) and they ate lunch together or played a game 4-5 days per week. The social worker would narrate the entire time (Tigger is doing good sharing. Bob is doing good turn taking, etc). If there was a conflict, the sw would immediate stop the boys and talk them through it. Once he could do well with that one child in a 1:1 situation, they added another boy and then another. The sw would bring in 3-5 boys (out of a pool of about a dozen) each day. Then we added in regular recess with a 1:1 aide who would stay right next to Tigger and redirect him or any other child as needed. (This took an entire year.)</p><p></p><p>This year, 4 boys from his lunch period were chosen and prepped that they were chosen to help a special friend. They kept one table just for the 5 of them with a 1:1 aide and it went very well because each of the other boys were told that Tigger was working on being a good friend and they were excited about being chosen to be his friends. </p><p></p><p>Tigger now eats at a regular table, often with one of the 4 original boys but sometimes with others that he has gotten to know through his gym/art/music class. We have moved the 1:1 aide back away from the table. She still stays where she can see everything but she is no longer at the table with him. She goes to recess with him but stays to the fringes of the playground - again, close enough to see any body language cues that something is going wrong but not so close to make him 'different'. </p><p></p><p>Tigger has been able to verbalize more than his very poor (mean) treatment of other kids was based on his fear of being bullied. He felt that the other kids all wanted to hurt him and if he didn't strike first (verbally usually, occasionally physically) that they would hurt him so bad that he wouldn't be able to save himself. It broke my heart to hear how scared he was/is of school.</p><p></p><p>But he is doing much better! And your daughter can get there too! It just takes time, a lot of time, and dedication on the part of the school staff.</p><p></p><p>A good book is Lost At School (it is written to cause school staff to take a hard look at how they treat difficult children).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JJJ, post: 326581, member: 1169"] We have been through the same problem here. There is hope! At 10, Tigger is doing much better. What helped him was to break it down into small, small steps. Last year, the social worker took Tigger and a regular ed kid (with good social skills) and they ate lunch together or played a game 4-5 days per week. The social worker would narrate the entire time (Tigger is doing good sharing. Bob is doing good turn taking, etc). If there was a conflict, the sw would immediate stop the boys and talk them through it. Once he could do well with that one child in a 1:1 situation, they added another boy and then another. The sw would bring in 3-5 boys (out of a pool of about a dozen) each day. Then we added in regular recess with a 1:1 aide who would stay right next to Tigger and redirect him or any other child as needed. (This took an entire year.) This year, 4 boys from his lunch period were chosen and prepped that they were chosen to help a special friend. They kept one table just for the 5 of them with a 1:1 aide and it went very well because each of the other boys were told that Tigger was working on being a good friend and they were excited about being chosen to be his friends. Tigger now eats at a regular table, often with one of the 4 original boys but sometimes with others that he has gotten to know through his gym/art/music class. We have moved the 1:1 aide back away from the table. She still stays where she can see everything but she is no longer at the table with him. She goes to recess with him but stays to the fringes of the playground - again, close enough to see any body language cues that something is going wrong but not so close to make him 'different'. Tigger has been able to verbalize more than his very poor (mean) treatment of other kids was based on his fear of being bullied. He felt that the other kids all wanted to hurt him and if he didn't strike first (verbally usually, occasionally physically) that they would hurt him so bad that he wouldn't be able to save himself. It broke my heart to hear how scared he was/is of school. But he is doing much better! And your daughter can get there too! It just takes time, a lot of time, and dedication on the part of the school staff. A good book is Lost At School (it is written to cause school staff to take a hard look at how they treat difficult children). [/QUOTE]
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