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School update, & daughter stole money from me!
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 212274" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Sandy, Glad to hear that difficult child has been behaving well in school over the last couple of days. The "talks" probably did help somewhat, and you're right on the money in thinking about giving her these talks all the time.</p><p></p><p>Kids on the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) spectrum (If I recall correctly, you've mentioned that you suspect your difficult child is on the spectrum) have issues with Theory of Mind, in other words, they struggle to understand that others have different thoughts and feelings than their own. This makes it very difficult for them to empathize with others, because they don't recognize that there's anything to empathize with.</p><p></p><p>One of the therapeutic activities we do with my difficult child is <strong>hourly </strong>reinfocement of Theory of Mind. Something like, "difficult child. Other people have thoughts and feelings that are different from yours. Not everyone wants the same things you do, not everyone enjoys the same things you do. Just because you want it doesn't mean that others do, and doesn't make it okay".</p><p></p><p>We've been spouting this at him every day, once an hour (while he's awake) for the past 2 years or so, and it's starting to sink in...</p><p></p><p>As for the stealing, that's a very hard one because a lot of our difficult children have a huge sense of entitlement combined with no boundaries at all. So "I want" becomes "I take" very quickly. The only thing we've ever found that works for this is:</p><p></p><p>a) Lock up everything that difficult child is not supposed to have. When he was living at home, every room in the house had a lock on it, and every lock was used at all times. I wore my keys on a lanyard around my neck.</p><p></p><p>b) Make the consequences of stealing sufficiently painful that it's not worth the effort. If difficult child stole, he had to give back whatever he stole AND pay for replacing it. If he stole money, he had to hand over his paycheque from his paper route to replace it. If he stole things, he had to earn the money and (with help) buy a replacement whatever and give it to the person.</p><p></p><p>difficult child still steals, but far less often than he used to. Honestly, I'm not sure whether it's because of the interventions I just listed, or (more likely) because he's under 24/7 supervision at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and just doesn't get the opportunity as much as he used to.</p><p></p><p>Sorry you're having to deal with this.</p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 212274, member: 3907"] Sandy, Glad to hear that difficult child has been behaving well in school over the last couple of days. The "talks" probably did help somewhat, and you're right on the money in thinking about giving her these talks all the time. Kids on the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) spectrum (If I recall correctly, you've mentioned that you suspect your difficult child is on the spectrum) have issues with Theory of Mind, in other words, they struggle to understand that others have different thoughts and feelings than their own. This makes it very difficult for them to empathize with others, because they don't recognize that there's anything to empathize with. One of the therapeutic activities we do with my difficult child is [B]hourly [/B]reinfocement of Theory of Mind. Something like, "difficult child. Other people have thoughts and feelings that are different from yours. Not everyone wants the same things you do, not everyone enjoys the same things you do. Just because you want it doesn't mean that others do, and doesn't make it okay". We've been spouting this at him every day, once an hour (while he's awake) for the past 2 years or so, and it's starting to sink in... As for the stealing, that's a very hard one because a lot of our difficult children have a huge sense of entitlement combined with no boundaries at all. So "I want" becomes "I take" very quickly. The only thing we've ever found that works for this is: a) Lock up everything that difficult child is not supposed to have. When he was living at home, every room in the house had a lock on it, and every lock was used at all times. I wore my keys on a lanyard around my neck. b) Make the consequences of stealing sufficiently painful that it's not worth the effort. If difficult child stole, he had to give back whatever he stole AND pay for replacing it. If he stole money, he had to hand over his paycheque from his paper route to replace it. If he stole things, he had to earn the money and (with help) buy a replacement whatever and give it to the person. difficult child still steals, but far less often than he used to. Honestly, I'm not sure whether it's because of the interventions I just listed, or (more likely) because he's under 24/7 supervision at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and just doesn't get the opportunity as much as he used to. Sorry you're having to deal with this. Trinity [/QUOTE]
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