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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 85491" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I just put a long post on Stella Johnson's thread on latest school meeting - heartbroken and frustrated - what I wrote there is relevant to you. Some schools do try this on, especially if there's a negative attitude to difficult children in general, coming down from a senior position. This negative attitude can empower some teachers to continue to bully, harass or fail to support difficult child kids.</p><p></p><p>You can fight this. I think you SHOULD fight this, but once you start a fight you have to be prepared to follow through to the bitter end. They often try to bury parents in paperwork. The other favourite trick is to turn the parent's anger at the school, back into anger at the child. Some teachers are very successful with this and the end result is - you are no longer directing anger to the school. Your anger now directed at the child, is telling the child to never complain about tat teacher again because look what happens, Mum betrays me and turns on me. And the biggest result - nothing gets done, the teacher has won and both you and your child have now lost a great deal. Trust, action, justice - all gone.</p><p></p><p>A friend of mine was angry over an incident where her son found a bottle of pain pills that had dropped out of my bag while I was doing remedial reading at the school (in his classroom). This boy was at that time (and still is) a very close friend of our family, his mother and I are still best friends. His teacher was told by another kid that "M found a bottle of pills and put them in his pocket."</p><p>M was interviewed. "Yeah, I know they're Marg's, she's a good friend of my mother's, her name is on the bottle with the prescription label, I was going to drop them in to her after school."</p><p>Now, M SHOULD have told a teacher and handed the bottle in, but otherwise he had done nothing wrong. I wasn't angry, I knew he was a good kid. Meanwhile I had realised the pills were missing and had rung the school. They told me M had found them and I said, "Oh well, that's OK then." I knew nothing of his teacher telling him (in front of the class) that he was a liar, he was devious, he was deceitful - a lot of horrible stuff.</p><p>Now, from what I know of this teacher - she was initially scared that a kid in her class was in possession of these pills which COULD have been peddled. She immediately thought the worst and reacted that way. She always WAS very reactive.</p><p></p><p>I dropped in to the school office to collect my pills - they'd asked me to come immediately and "get them off the premises - this IS a drug-free zone, after all." I was NOT getting good vibes here.</p><p></p><p>By now I was concerned for M. I was actually at his house when he came home from school, slamming the door. He cried on his mother's lap and told her what the teacher had said. His mother & I immediately went to the school. And I sat there and had to listen as this teacher neatly deflected the mother's anger at the school, back on her son. "I know I told him he was deceitful, and he has been for most of this year. I've been putting up with a lot from him for six months, This was just the last straw. He is not a team player, he goes off on his own, I don't know what he gets up to, he hasn't been working well, his homework is often not done or turned in late, his standard has been slipping, he is rude, sullen..." and so on. The teacher justified her response by saying, "It was understandable that I thought he might have stolen the pills in order to sell them. His not handing them in immediately only confirmed that for me."</p><p>M's mother thanked the teacher for her frankness and went home to tear strips off M. I was there, once again, trying to calm her down. M was aghast - he had tried to do a good deed and yes, he now accepted he should have handed in the pills, but apart from that he had done nothing wrong. What had changed? he denied all the teacher had said about being uncooperative, etc. But we tend to believe teachers over our kids, don't we?</p><p></p><p>A week later I dropped in on my friend. She showed me M's recent class report, signed by the same teacher and written only a few weeks before this incident. In the report she actually praised M for his good citizenship, for the way he could organise a group to do a class assignment, for his politeness and cooperation. He had good marks in all his subjects.</p><p></p><p>I urged my friend to go to the teacher and confront her. She said she would, but never got around to it. I think she was scared the teacher would twist words again and once more wriggle out of it. Besides, it was all over,. now. My friend DID apologise to M, though.</p><p></p><p>SO watch out for this sort of response, if you try to tackle the clashes with this VP and the sports teacher. Go in armed, prepared. Hopefully you can resolve it with nay unpleasantness, but know this - once a teacher answers your criticisms with an attack on your child, you know you've got them on the ropes. Keep them there. Don't buy into that argument, just focus on the issue YOU want handled.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 85491, member: 1991"] I just put a long post on Stella Johnson's thread on latest school meeting - heartbroken and frustrated - what I wrote there is relevant to you. Some schools do try this on, especially if there's a negative attitude to difficult children in general, coming down from a senior position. This negative attitude can empower some teachers to continue to bully, harass or fail to support difficult child kids. You can fight this. I think you SHOULD fight this, but once you start a fight you have to be prepared to follow through to the bitter end. They often try to bury parents in paperwork. The other favourite trick is to turn the parent's anger at the school, back into anger at the child. Some teachers are very successful with this and the end result is - you are no longer directing anger to the school. Your anger now directed at the child, is telling the child to never complain about tat teacher again because look what happens, Mum betrays me and turns on me. And the biggest result - nothing gets done, the teacher has won and both you and your child have now lost a great deal. Trust, action, justice - all gone. A friend of mine was angry over an incident where her son found a bottle of pain pills that had dropped out of my bag while I was doing remedial reading at the school (in his classroom). This boy was at that time (and still is) a very close friend of our family, his mother and I are still best friends. His teacher was told by another kid that "M found a bottle of pills and put them in his pocket." M was interviewed. "Yeah, I know they're Marg's, she's a good friend of my mother's, her name is on the bottle with the prescription label, I was going to drop them in to her after school." Now, M SHOULD have told a teacher and handed the bottle in, but otherwise he had done nothing wrong. I wasn't angry, I knew he was a good kid. Meanwhile I had realised the pills were missing and had rung the school. They told me M had found them and I said, "Oh well, that's OK then." I knew nothing of his teacher telling him (in front of the class) that he was a liar, he was devious, he was deceitful - a lot of horrible stuff. Now, from what I know of this teacher - she was initially scared that a kid in her class was in possession of these pills which COULD have been peddled. She immediately thought the worst and reacted that way. She always WAS very reactive. I dropped in to the school office to collect my pills - they'd asked me to come immediately and "get them off the premises - this IS a drug-free zone, after all." I was NOT getting good vibes here. By now I was concerned for M. I was actually at his house when he came home from school, slamming the door. He cried on his mother's lap and told her what the teacher had said. His mother & I immediately went to the school. And I sat there and had to listen as this teacher neatly deflected the mother's anger at the school, back on her son. "I know I told him he was deceitful, and he has been for most of this year. I've been putting up with a lot from him for six months, This was just the last straw. He is not a team player, he goes off on his own, I don't know what he gets up to, he hasn't been working well, his homework is often not done or turned in late, his standard has been slipping, he is rude, sullen..." and so on. The teacher justified her response by saying, "It was understandable that I thought he might have stolen the pills in order to sell them. His not handing them in immediately only confirmed that for me." M's mother thanked the teacher for her frankness and went home to tear strips off M. I was there, once again, trying to calm her down. M was aghast - he had tried to do a good deed and yes, he now accepted he should have handed in the pills, but apart from that he had done nothing wrong. What had changed? he denied all the teacher had said about being uncooperative, etc. But we tend to believe teachers over our kids, don't we? A week later I dropped in on my friend. She showed me M's recent class report, signed by the same teacher and written only a few weeks before this incident. In the report she actually praised M for his good citizenship, for the way he could organise a group to do a class assignment, for his politeness and cooperation. He had good marks in all his subjects. I urged my friend to go to the teacher and confront her. She said she would, but never got around to it. I think she was scared the teacher would twist words again and once more wriggle out of it. Besides, it was all over,. now. My friend DID apologise to M, though. SO watch out for this sort of response, if you try to tackle the clashes with this VP and the sports teacher. Go in armed, prepared. Hopefully you can resolve it with nay unpleasantness, but know this - once a teacher answers your criticisms with an attack on your child, you know you've got them on the ropes. Keep them there. Don't buy into that argument, just focus on the issue YOU want handled. Marg [/QUOTE]
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