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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
second-guessing our decision to bring our son home from Residential Treatment Center (RTC)
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<blockquote data-quote="recovering doormat" data-source="post: 246094" data-attributes="member: 5941"><p>We are fortunate that we have a lot of help available to us if we want it, the problem has been that in the past my ex and I have not been on the same page, which causes problems of its own. I have been told by umpty-ump therapists adn social workers that we have to be unified, present a unified front to our kids, they shouldn't see daylight between us, and so on...but what do you do when one parent is a control freak in every aspect of the family life, and has their own unaddressed psycho-social problems, yet seems to never be held accountable by any of the outside entities helping our family? Several years ago we asked our state DCF (CPS in some states) for voluntary help and they issued a report for us that said that dad needed psychotherapy evaluation and counseling for his own issues. He's never seena shrink on his own, doesn't respect them, doesn't trust them...every time we deal with professionals, if he doesn't like what he's hearing, he discounts everything they say.</p><p> </p><p>It's so frustrating. And it sounds so typical, angry exwife pointing the finger at her ex. But I've been the one to take our three kids to therapists, and each one has had something to say, in varying degrees, about their dad's detachment, lack of face time with kids, lack of respect for me, lack of tact with kids, and often inappropriate teasing behavior. </p><p> </p><p>Our oldest is having her own problems adjusting to life as a young adult, and I can't help but wonder if I had really had a screaming fit and shamed him into digging into his wallet and placingher ina therapeutic boarding school, if she'd be doing better now (keeps taking herself off antidepressants, binge drinking, impulsive behavior). </p><p> </p><p>I had to really pull up my socks yesterday and stay on top of our son despite my anger at his dad for insisting that we bring him home, then less than three days later, tell his P.O. that it looks like he has to go to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). The capriciousness of dad's behavior, even though I think it's not meant to be malicious, is so cruel I could cry. </p><p> </p><p>We are meeting with the behaviorist today, who is invested in helping us through this period. I'm hoping that she will follow through with including dad in the family counseling. He's been able to get out of it in the past because of his self-employment (he's a tax accountant) but I'm not willing to go back to the way things were two months ago. No way.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recovering doormat, post: 246094, member: 5941"] We are fortunate that we have a lot of help available to us if we want it, the problem has been that in the past my ex and I have not been on the same page, which causes problems of its own. I have been told by umpty-ump therapists adn social workers that we have to be unified, present a unified front to our kids, they shouldn't see daylight between us, and so on...but what do you do when one parent is a control freak in every aspect of the family life, and has their own unaddressed psycho-social problems, yet seems to never be held accountable by any of the outside entities helping our family? Several years ago we asked our state DCF (CPS in some states) for voluntary help and they issued a report for us that said that dad needed psychotherapy evaluation and counseling for his own issues. He's never seena shrink on his own, doesn't respect them, doesn't trust them...every time we deal with professionals, if he doesn't like what he's hearing, he discounts everything they say. It's so frustrating. And it sounds so typical, angry exwife pointing the finger at her ex. But I've been the one to take our three kids to therapists, and each one has had something to say, in varying degrees, about their dad's detachment, lack of face time with kids, lack of respect for me, lack of tact with kids, and often inappropriate teasing behavior. Our oldest is having her own problems adjusting to life as a young adult, and I can't help but wonder if I had really had a screaming fit and shamed him into digging into his wallet and placingher ina therapeutic boarding school, if she'd be doing better now (keeps taking herself off antidepressants, binge drinking, impulsive behavior). I had to really pull up my socks yesterday and stay on top of our son despite my anger at his dad for insisting that we bring him home, then less than three days later, tell his P.O. that it looks like he has to go to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). The capriciousness of dad's behavior, even though I think it's not meant to be malicious, is so cruel I could cry. We are meeting with the behaviorist today, who is invested in helping us through this period. I'm hoping that she will follow through with including dad in the family counseling. He's been able to get out of it in the past because of his self-employment (he's a tax accountant) but I'm not willing to go back to the way things were two months ago. No way. [/QUOTE]
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second-guessing our decision to bring our son home from Residential Treatment Center (RTC)
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