Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
self mutilation and suicide watch
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 110430" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Shari,</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you had to hear about your son doing what he's doing. But I think it's time to let go of the guilt. I know he's still your kid - always will be, but at what age do you allow them to be accountable for their own actions? </p><p></p><p>I guess maybe I've wrestled with this same idea this past year. My son is 17, and while a part of me will always want to rush in and rescue him from his latest 'adventure' or brush with the law - I look at my 67 year old xmil. Until the day she died - she never had a day without drama from her GROWN children. </p><p></p><p>Eventually - they killed her. Not figuratively - literally. She was killed by her own son while attempting to once again protect him from doing himself harm. At 46, and 51 you think your sons would have an idea to grow up and be self sufficient - but not if you always felt sorry for them and, never made them accountable for their own actions. </p><p></p><p> My xmil NEVER had a day without sobbing, sadness, overwhelming guilt, and her kids used that against her to get money, a place to live, help hiding from the law, court, vehicles, clothes, rehab. You name it - she was there doing it FOR THEM. How do you ever learn to do it for yourself if your Mom always does it? In that family - you apparently didn't. Some might say she was a saint - I think she was a very unhappy, miserable martyr who was addicted to the drama she created by not making them grow up when they were younger. She could have supported them - without doing everything for them. She just never dealt with her own life enough to make anyone responsible for theirs. Maybe she didn't know how. </p><p></p><p>I used to try to tell her not to feel guilty about her kids - they were grown, she should be able to live out what years she has without worrying every day that one of them was going to dump their problems on her. She should spend time with her grandkids and cherish them - but she never could because one of her grown kids was always making trouble somewhere and calling her to bail them out. Sad really. </p><p></p><p>I guess - I would tell you to feel sorry for the circumstances that surround your sons behavior - but not sorry for him. Don't feel guilty for enjoying a little peace and quiet in your life without his drama. I think you've deserved that - you raised him, and now it's up to him to make good, sound decisions for himself. If he doesn't your pity won't heal him any faster. He knows you love him. </p><p></p><p>I don't know anything about the Marines - Dammit Janet would be a wealth of information for you there. I would think they'd keep a watch on him very closely and maybe point him in the direction of some good help. </p><p></p><p>Hugs for your Mom heart </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 110430, member: 4964"] Shari, I'm sorry you had to hear about your son doing what he's doing. But I think it's time to let go of the guilt. I know he's still your kid - always will be, but at what age do you allow them to be accountable for their own actions? I guess maybe I've wrestled with this same idea this past year. My son is 17, and while a part of me will always want to rush in and rescue him from his latest 'adventure' or brush with the law - I look at my 67 year old xmil. Until the day she died - she never had a day without drama from her GROWN children. Eventually - they killed her. Not figuratively - literally. She was killed by her own son while attempting to once again protect him from doing himself harm. At 46, and 51 you think your sons would have an idea to grow up and be self sufficient - but not if you always felt sorry for them and, never made them accountable for their own actions. My xmil NEVER had a day without sobbing, sadness, overwhelming guilt, and her kids used that against her to get money, a place to live, help hiding from the law, court, vehicles, clothes, rehab. You name it - she was there doing it FOR THEM. How do you ever learn to do it for yourself if your Mom always does it? In that family - you apparently didn't. Some might say she was a saint - I think she was a very unhappy, miserable martyr who was addicted to the drama she created by not making them grow up when they were younger. She could have supported them - without doing everything for them. She just never dealt with her own life enough to make anyone responsible for theirs. Maybe she didn't know how. I used to try to tell her not to feel guilty about her kids - they were grown, she should be able to live out what years she has without worrying every day that one of them was going to dump their problems on her. She should spend time with her grandkids and cherish them - but she never could because one of her grown kids was always making trouble somewhere and calling her to bail them out. Sad really. I guess - I would tell you to feel sorry for the circumstances that surround your sons behavior - but not sorry for him. Don't feel guilty for enjoying a little peace and quiet in your life without his drama. I think you've deserved that - you raised him, and now it's up to him to make good, sound decisions for himself. If he doesn't your pity won't heal him any faster. He knows you love him. I don't know anything about the Marines - Dammit Janet would be a wealth of information for you there. I would think they'd keep a watch on him very closely and maybe point him in the direction of some good help. Hugs for your Mom heart Star [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
self mutilation and suicide watch
Top