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Self preservation or just plain Selfish!?!
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<blockquote data-quote="lovemysons" data-source="post: 605316" data-attributes="member: 3305"><p>InsaneCdn, You are very very perceptive! </p><p>That is the harder part...the fact that it has ALWAYS been about her. </p><p></p><p>I don't remember her ever getting down on the floor and playing with me when I was little. I don't remember her ever helping me with homework. She was absent and I was raised primarily by babysitters or by myself. </p><p></p><p>We moved alot...10 times by the time I hit 9th grade. I had no roots, no dad, no brothers or sisters...no belonging. </p><p>So I wanted differently that what she wanted. I wanted a FAMILY...a big family. </p><p>I wanted to live primarily in one location...and we have lived in the DFW area for most of the past 20 yrs. I tried very hard to be what my mother never was for me. </p><p></p><p>She thinks it's interesting that she is SO independent and that here I am very dependent on husband. husband and I have been married 27 yrs this past July. I think that's remarkable considering the fact that we both came from nearly no parenting or bad parenting from both sides of our families. </p><p></p><p>I don't have anything against her enjoying this tale end of her life...I do see Kathy and Recoveringenablers point in regard to that. I just wish she wasn't so Me-centric. </p><p></p><p>My mother often had her "girlfriends" act as disciplinarians for me...as she "didn't know what to do with me". Yes, I was a difficult child...undxd Bipolar. She didn't know this of course while she was raising me...I didn't know either. Was just often subjected to being called a "Spoiled Brat". </p><p>One time, when I was around 12, my mother's "friend" told her to leave the room...and she did. This "friend" proceded to beat me in the face if I "moved wrong or without her permission". She was going to set me straight!</p><p>So I lost alot of respect for my mother along the way. </p><p></p><p>There was another time when I was around 13...and she was all but being raped in the living room by a man she had just met at a bar...it was me who rescued her! She even had me sleep in her bed that night and "hold her" as it was almost like she was the child. It was very dysfunctional. </p><p></p><p>Now this is not who she is today. Today she is just a very unsatisfied perfectionist who still loves her friends though more than family. </p><p></p><p>My mom is by no means a bad person. In fact, she is loved by Many a friend. I just think it's sad that all of her family see's her as selfish and self-centered. </p><p></p><p>I often try and be close to her...helping her with projects, as I said she is always trying to make things perfect! </p><p>I don't think that even "I" am good enough for her. She often tells me what I should be doing that I am not. We are just not the same people. Our value systems are completely different and always have been. </p><p></p><p>I think the best thing she did for me growing up was when I turned around 14 she met a young woman who was involved with a youth ministry. They became roommates and so when I returned from boarding school (that my mother had sent me for acting up...with my grandmother's money by the way)...anyway, this young woman became a wonderful buffer in my relationship with my mother. However she moved out when I turned 17 or so. </p><p></p><p>It's been a rocky relationship at times...I just have some lingering issues with my growing up years...that are likely too far gone to repair. My mom can't go back and do over...nor would she want to. </p><p>I guess I just have to reconcile with the past on my own. </p><p></p><p>I love her...I don't like her very much sometimes. I guess that's normal...dunno. </p><p>Maybe she has her reasons as much as I have mine for being "this way". </p><p></p><p>Thanks for the reply's and listening to me. </p><p>LMS</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="lovemysons, post: 605316, member: 3305"] InsaneCdn, You are very very perceptive! That is the harder part...the fact that it has ALWAYS been about her. I don't remember her ever getting down on the floor and playing with me when I was little. I don't remember her ever helping me with homework. She was absent and I was raised primarily by babysitters or by myself. We moved alot...10 times by the time I hit 9th grade. I had no roots, no dad, no brothers or sisters...no belonging. So I wanted differently that what she wanted. I wanted a FAMILY...a big family. I wanted to live primarily in one location...and we have lived in the DFW area for most of the past 20 yrs. I tried very hard to be what my mother never was for me. She thinks it's interesting that she is SO independent and that here I am very dependent on husband. husband and I have been married 27 yrs this past July. I think that's remarkable considering the fact that we both came from nearly no parenting or bad parenting from both sides of our families. I don't have anything against her enjoying this tale end of her life...I do see Kathy and Recoveringenablers point in regard to that. I just wish she wasn't so Me-centric. My mother often had her "girlfriends" act as disciplinarians for me...as she "didn't know what to do with me". Yes, I was a difficult child...undxd Bipolar. She didn't know this of course while she was raising me...I didn't know either. Was just often subjected to being called a "Spoiled Brat". One time, when I was around 12, my mother's "friend" told her to leave the room...and she did. This "friend" proceded to beat me in the face if I "moved wrong or without her permission". She was going to set me straight! So I lost alot of respect for my mother along the way. There was another time when I was around 13...and she was all but being raped in the living room by a man she had just met at a bar...it was me who rescued her! She even had me sleep in her bed that night and "hold her" as it was almost like she was the child. It was very dysfunctional. Now this is not who she is today. Today she is just a very unsatisfied perfectionist who still loves her friends though more than family. My mom is by no means a bad person. In fact, she is loved by Many a friend. I just think it's sad that all of her family see's her as selfish and self-centered. I often try and be close to her...helping her with projects, as I said she is always trying to make things perfect! I don't think that even "I" am good enough for her. She often tells me what I should be doing that I am not. We are just not the same people. Our value systems are completely different and always have been. I think the best thing she did for me growing up was when I turned around 14 she met a young woman who was involved with a youth ministry. They became roommates and so when I returned from boarding school (that my mother had sent me for acting up...with my grandmother's money by the way)...anyway, this young woman became a wonderful buffer in my relationship with my mother. However she moved out when I turned 17 or so. It's been a rocky relationship at times...I just have some lingering issues with my growing up years...that are likely too far gone to repair. My mom can't go back and do over...nor would she want to. I guess I just have to reconcile with the past on my own. I love her...I don't like her very much sometimes. I guess that's normal...dunno. Maybe she has her reasons as much as I have mine for being "this way". Thanks for the reply's and listening to me. LMS [/QUOTE]
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