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Self preservation or just plain Selfish!?!
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 605320" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Oh LMS, I feel for you! I'm also a daughter of dysfunctional mother, just two of us going around with no stability and mixed roles in who takes care of whom. While I do have a father, he wasn't much there. There was long times I didn't even see him at all. I did have grandparents for stability though, when my mom wasn't keeping me away from them. My mom wasn't a bad person either. Selfish - yes. Dysfunctional - definitely. Difficult to live with - you bet. But of course she was my only mother. But I too wanted a polar opposite with my own family.</p><p></p><p>My mom was a communist, well mostly, and despised private property and didn't do a lot to have much. But inheriting what she had (and she did have much more than I thought, she had inherited some from her grandparents and hadn't done anything to that property) did mean a lot to me. Of course I come with culture based on family farms and inherited land. Idea of not being responsible of your fortune to both earlier generations and your off spring is just culturally bit odd to us. North American culture is so very different in this, that I have difficult time really wrapping my emotions around the idea of self-made fortune and having a right to self-spend it. I of course know people, who are self-made so to say, but somewhere deep in my way of thinking property tends to always be 'family estate', inherited from previous generations, taken care with best of your ability and passed to the next generation hopefully in better shape than in which you got it.</p><p></p><p>But what I think you are mostly having problem with your mom is, that inheritance or no-inheritance, she has always put herself first and not been the mom you would have needed. And yes, she has been selfish.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 605320, member: 14557"] Oh LMS, I feel for you! I'm also a daughter of dysfunctional mother, just two of us going around with no stability and mixed roles in who takes care of whom. While I do have a father, he wasn't much there. There was long times I didn't even see him at all. I did have grandparents for stability though, when my mom wasn't keeping me away from them. My mom wasn't a bad person either. Selfish - yes. Dysfunctional - definitely. Difficult to live with - you bet. But of course she was my only mother. But I too wanted a polar opposite with my own family. My mom was a communist, well mostly, and despised private property and didn't do a lot to have much. But inheriting what she had (and she did have much more than I thought, she had inherited some from her grandparents and hadn't done anything to that property) did mean a lot to me. Of course I come with culture based on family farms and inherited land. Idea of not being responsible of your fortune to both earlier generations and your off spring is just culturally bit odd to us. North American culture is so very different in this, that I have difficult time really wrapping my emotions around the idea of self-made fortune and having a right to self-spend it. I of course know people, who are self-made so to say, but somewhere deep in my way of thinking property tends to always be 'family estate', inherited from previous generations, taken care with best of your ability and passed to the next generation hopefully in better shape than in which you got it. But what I think you are mostly having problem with your mom is, that inheritance or no-inheritance, she has always put herself first and not been the mom you would have needed. And yes, she has been selfish. [/QUOTE]
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