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Self preservation or just plain Selfish!?!
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<blockquote data-quote="muttmeister" data-source="post: 605347" data-attributes="member: 135"><p>It is interesting to me that most of us here who are older see that the money is hers and she can and should spend it however she pleases. I'm 65 and drive a new Camaro. I like to travel and that's how I spend my money. </p><p></p><p>In my case, I have given my children far more money than I should have and I find myself resenting the fact that I can't do a lot of the things I'd like because they have spent all of my money. I have had to become more selfish, and they are going to have to learn to cope on their own. I do not feel that it is a parent's job to scrimp and save and live frugally so they can leave a bundle to their kids.</p><p></p><p>However, I have a feeling that your problems with your mother stem from a lot more than money. She sounds like she would have been a difficult woman to have had for a mother and it is no wonder that you and she have some issues. </p><p></p><p>One of my mantras over the years has been that you can't change anybody; you can only change your reactions to them. </p><p></p><p>Probably her life as a single mother was no bed of roses either. You can give her the benefit of the doubt and try to believe that she did the best she could for you with what she had to work with, financially, mentally, physically, and emotionally. As somebody whose mother just passed (leaving no money at all) I can tell you that you won't have her forever and now is the time to make peace and enjoy her for what she is; not feel badly for what she is not. We all fall short as parents at times but she is what she is and you can either feel bad about what she didn't do right or be thankful for the things she did do right (and I'm sure there were some). </p><p></p><p>As far as the money goes, it is nice to have enough to help out family when they need it but it is not the duty of the older generation to provide for the younger once they are adults. I kinda feel that I only have a few years left to enjoy my life and I plan to use my money to do just that. I don't want to be a selfish <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> about it but I helped my kids get grown and get an education and get established and I went to work everyday for nearly 50 years and I plan to use the little money I have to enjoy the few years I have left.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="muttmeister, post: 605347, member: 135"] It is interesting to me that most of us here who are older see that the money is hers and she can and should spend it however she pleases. I'm 65 and drive a new Camaro. I like to travel and that's how I spend my money. In my case, I have given my children far more money than I should have and I find myself resenting the fact that I can't do a lot of the things I'd like because they have spent all of my money. I have had to become more selfish, and they are going to have to learn to cope on their own. I do not feel that it is a parent's job to scrimp and save and live frugally so they can leave a bundle to their kids. However, I have a feeling that your problems with your mother stem from a lot more than money. She sounds like she would have been a difficult woman to have had for a mother and it is no wonder that you and she have some issues. One of my mantras over the years has been that you can't change anybody; you can only change your reactions to them. Probably her life as a single mother was no bed of roses either. You can give her the benefit of the doubt and try to believe that she did the best she could for you with what she had to work with, financially, mentally, physically, and emotionally. As somebody whose mother just passed (leaving no money at all) I can tell you that you won't have her forever and now is the time to make peace and enjoy her for what she is; not feel badly for what she is not. We all fall short as parents at times but she is what she is and you can either feel bad about what she didn't do right or be thankful for the things she did do right (and I'm sure there were some). As far as the money goes, it is nice to have enough to help out family when they need it but it is not the duty of the older generation to provide for the younger once they are adults. I kinda feel that I only have a few years left to enjoy my life and I plan to use my money to do just that. I don't want to be a selfish :censored2: about it but I helped my kids get grown and get an education and get established and I went to work everyday for nearly 50 years and I plan to use the little money I have to enjoy the few years I have left. [/QUOTE]
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