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Self-sabotage?
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 13183" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>A larger part of my self sabotaging behavior is rooted in guilt. I guess I could say that it comes from my mother in a way, possibly my mother in law - as far as being home taking care of my H goes anyway. But a majority of my guilt comes from right inside myself. It's based in things I've read or seen on tv, movies, the perspectives of the self proclaimed 'specialists' out there! </p><p></p><p>Each year for the past 2 years I've taken 4-5 day break away from H. I go visit my sister on her remote property far from town and people. It's wonderful to not use a clock, phone, or calendar, I can't even tell you. For those 4-5 days I am able to laugh, cry (a lot), yell, drink too much wine, or none at all. It's all for and about me, which is so refreshing considering the rest of the time, it's all about everyone else, whether it be H, my daughters or work, the dogs, the house, etc. Well, before and after my little vacation, H says little digs that erode away at the good feeling I have about treating myself to this time. His little taunts eat away at me and cause me to feel somewhat guilty about 'abandoning' him, the dogs, daughter, etc. So much so, that to avoid a possible meltdown between he and difficult child, I took difficult child with me last year. I still had fun, but it wasn't the same.I had to censor some conversations, I had to be a mom, etc. Recently, I was talking with my sister and she asked me if I was coming to visit again in July. I said I didn't know. When I hung up I thought, "Why don't I know?" then I heard H's voice in my head. </p><p></p><p>This coming Saturday, there is a very interesting seminar taking place in Boston that I want to attend. I mentioned it to H and he was trying to sound supportive, but I also picked up on his, "you're going to leave me alone with daughter to do EVERYTHING by myself" tone. I bought the ticket and am going. </p><p></p><p>I struggle, sometimes daily, with self sabotaging behaviors (whether it be me, difficult child, easy child, or H) and I'm trying really hard not to get mixed in with them. I encourage H to do things by and for himself, but his behavior is very strongly rooted in beliefs that as a married father he's not allowed to do anything by and for himself. He has told me on several occasions, "If we can't go as a family, we don't go". That's when I go alone, with the kids, or without him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 13183, member: 2211"] A larger part of my self sabotaging behavior is rooted in guilt. I guess I could say that it comes from my mother in a way, possibly my mother in law - as far as being home taking care of my H goes anyway. But a majority of my guilt comes from right inside myself. It's based in things I've read or seen on tv, movies, the perspectives of the self proclaimed 'specialists' out there! Each year for the past 2 years I've taken 4-5 day break away from H. I go visit my sister on her remote property far from town and people. It's wonderful to not use a clock, phone, or calendar, I can't even tell you. For those 4-5 days I am able to laugh, cry (a lot), yell, drink too much wine, or none at all. It's all for and about me, which is so refreshing considering the rest of the time, it's all about everyone else, whether it be H, my daughters or work, the dogs, the house, etc. Well, before and after my little vacation, H says little digs that erode away at the good feeling I have about treating myself to this time. His little taunts eat away at me and cause me to feel somewhat guilty about 'abandoning' him, the dogs, daughter, etc. So much so, that to avoid a possible meltdown between he and difficult child, I took difficult child with me last year. I still had fun, but it wasn't the same.I had to censor some conversations, I had to be a mom, etc. Recently, I was talking with my sister and she asked me if I was coming to visit again in July. I said I didn't know. When I hung up I thought, "Why don't I know?" then I heard H's voice in my head. This coming Saturday, there is a very interesting seminar taking place in Boston that I want to attend. I mentioned it to H and he was trying to sound supportive, but I also picked up on his, "you're going to leave me alone with daughter to do EVERYTHING by myself" tone. I bought the ticket and am going. I struggle, sometimes daily, with self sabotaging behaviors (whether it be me, difficult child, easy child, or H) and I'm trying really hard not to get mixed in with them. I encourage H to do things by and for himself, but his behavior is very strongly rooted in beliefs that as a married father he's not allowed to do anything by and for himself. He has told me on several occasions, "If we can't go as a family, we don't go". That's when I go alone, with the kids, or without him. [/QUOTE]
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