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Sending sib to stay with friends?
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<blockquote data-quote="seriously" data-source="post: 468055" data-attributes="member: 11920"><p>Thanks everyone.</p><p></p><p>It is not an option to create a mother in law space for daughter. She does have her own room and we installed a deadbolt lock on it long ago. So she does have a "safe" place to retreat to but it's not perfect by any means. And she says she feels like there are times when she spends all her time locked in her room. This is an exaggeration but some days it is true.</p><p></p><p>We live in California and don't have a basement or an attic that could be converted and don't have the $$ to even pay for the very expensive building permit to build a mother in law-type space out in the yard so those are not options.</p><p></p><p>I was curious to see what others had to say but the strong feelings I referred to in my original post have been echoed by some of you.</p><p></p><p>I also feel that it is not right for daughter to be forced to leave in order to get away from this situation. It would be better if difficult child 2 left but that does't appear to be an option unless he gets physically violent. That's based on the response of Child Protective Services last month. We didn't push them about it because we were being told by our wrap-around team that we needed to do things differently at home and it would "get better".</p><p></p><p>The strategy of leaving the house to him is definitely reducing the intensity of the incidents.</p><p></p><p>The frig door got broken because he and sister were struggling right there with the door open. She actually was the one that started the physical violence by pushing him but I think it was one of those things where both of them were tinder waiting for a flame and it took almost nothing to light the fire. But he was needling her and picking a fight for several minutes before hand.</p><p></p><p>For the various reasons you guys have given I have been unwilling/reluctant to send her away. If there were a more suitable place, we might think about it as a temporary measure but there isn't one and I am very unhappy with the emotional dynamics of all the options. I know she thinks it would be better but I suspect very strongly that it would not.</p><p></p><p>Weeknights are actually the hardest time because when he gets really agitated it completely destroys the evening for anyone to do anything else. Weekends are often filled with her social activities and it's not unusual for her to spend one or both nights at friend's homes. She would probably be doing this even if we were a "normal" family so it's not as emotionally-loaded as it would be to deliberately send her away each weekend.</p><p></p><p>I'll have to talk this over with wife and see what she thinks about our pushing CPS to place him elsewhere since that seems to be our only option for getting him out of the house.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="seriously, post: 468055, member: 11920"] Thanks everyone. It is not an option to create a mother in law space for daughter. She does have her own room and we installed a deadbolt lock on it long ago. So she does have a "safe" place to retreat to but it's not perfect by any means. And she says she feels like there are times when she spends all her time locked in her room. This is an exaggeration but some days it is true. We live in California and don't have a basement or an attic that could be converted and don't have the $$ to even pay for the very expensive building permit to build a mother in law-type space out in the yard so those are not options. I was curious to see what others had to say but the strong feelings I referred to in my original post have been echoed by some of you. I also feel that it is not right for daughter to be forced to leave in order to get away from this situation. It would be better if difficult child 2 left but that does't appear to be an option unless he gets physically violent. That's based on the response of Child Protective Services last month. We didn't push them about it because we were being told by our wrap-around team that we needed to do things differently at home and it would "get better". The strategy of leaving the house to him is definitely reducing the intensity of the incidents. The frig door got broken because he and sister were struggling right there with the door open. She actually was the one that started the physical violence by pushing him but I think it was one of those things where both of them were tinder waiting for a flame and it took almost nothing to light the fire. But he was needling her and picking a fight for several minutes before hand. For the various reasons you guys have given I have been unwilling/reluctant to send her away. If there were a more suitable place, we might think about it as a temporary measure but there isn't one and I am very unhappy with the emotional dynamics of all the options. I know she thinks it would be better but I suspect very strongly that it would not. Weeknights are actually the hardest time because when he gets really agitated it completely destroys the evening for anyone to do anything else. Weekends are often filled with her social activities and it's not unusual for her to spend one or both nights at friend's homes. She would probably be doing this even if we were a "normal" family so it's not as emotionally-loaded as it would be to deliberately send her away each weekend. I'll have to talk this over with wife and see what she thinks about our pushing CPS to place him elsewhere since that seems to be our only option for getting him out of the house. [/QUOTE]
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