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Separation Anxiety
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<blockquote data-quote="SRL" data-source="post: 58795" data-attributes="member: 701"><p>I don't think there is any one way to deal with this. You have to know your child and work with them in ways that you as a family can handle. Whereas Daisylover took the don't give into it approach, the method that worked with my difficult child was whenever possible to give him the emotional nurturing and security he needed when his anxiety was severe and nudge him along when he was more stable. We looked for ways at every turn to make difficult child feel more secure in separation situations so he could develop the coping skills he needed. If he was scared to sleep in his room, we let him sleep on the sofa instead. When he was afraid for me to leave the room, we hauled the baby monitor back out so he knew I was only an inquiry away. When I had to leave the house, he came with me if it was do-able. If it wasn't then I made sure to show him my cell phone, leave him a note where I would be and what time I was expected back--he knew he could call at any time. We worked on supports to help him separate--for school that was a list of what I needed to take care of (saying goodbye, etc) and him selecting a pair of stuffed animals (one for his backpack and one for me to take with me through the day to help him feel connected to me). When he was terrified to leave the house at all, I scheduled date nights once a week where he got to pick a place (toy store, ice cream, etc) to go after I picked a place (errand or anywhere just for an excuse).</p><p></p><p>My difficult child's anxiety started kicking in around age 3, heightened around age 5, and hit the just barely functional stage around age 7. He'll 11 now and separates easily from me, goes to school with ease, and can handle most of the things we do as a family. There are certain situations which give him trouble such as a crowded museum or a club meeting with mostly strangers but overall he's made significant forward progress. With my difficult child though, I never felt like I made a mistake giving into it, I felt it was what he needed to feel emotionally secure enough to take the next steps on his own. </p><p></p><p>Good luck with this. I know what hard years those can be.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SRL, post: 58795, member: 701"] I don't think there is any one way to deal with this. You have to know your child and work with them in ways that you as a family can handle. Whereas Daisylover took the don't give into it approach, the method that worked with my difficult child was whenever possible to give him the emotional nurturing and security he needed when his anxiety was severe and nudge him along when he was more stable. We looked for ways at every turn to make difficult child feel more secure in separation situations so he could develop the coping skills he needed. If he was scared to sleep in his room, we let him sleep on the sofa instead. When he was afraid for me to leave the room, we hauled the baby monitor back out so he knew I was only an inquiry away. When I had to leave the house, he came with me if it was do-able. If it wasn't then I made sure to show him my cell phone, leave him a note where I would be and what time I was expected back--he knew he could call at any time. We worked on supports to help him separate--for school that was a list of what I needed to take care of (saying goodbye, etc) and him selecting a pair of stuffed animals (one for his backpack and one for me to take with me through the day to help him feel connected to me). When he was terrified to leave the house at all, I scheduled date nights once a week where he got to pick a place (toy store, ice cream, etc) to go after I picked a place (errand or anywhere just for an excuse). My difficult child's anxiety started kicking in around age 3, heightened around age 5, and hit the just barely functional stage around age 7. He'll 11 now and separates easily from me, goes to school with ease, and can handle most of the things we do as a family. There are certain situations which give him trouble such as a crowded museum or a club meeting with mostly strangers but overall he's made significant forward progress. With my difficult child though, I never felt like I made a mistake giving into it, I felt it was what he needed to feel emotionally secure enough to take the next steps on his own. Good luck with this. I know what hard years those can be. [/QUOTE]
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