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<blockquote data-quote="AnnieO" data-source="post: 596562" data-attributes="member: 6705"><p>Honey... First off... HUGS. I've been where you are re the bio mom and her not agreeing with ANYTHING. Now from that perspective...</p><p></p><p>I know you love your boyfriend. But let me ask you... How long will it be before you begin to resent having to leave YOUR HOME for this criminal? How long do you think it will be before your things - and your daughter's things - are rifled through, stolen, destroyed? How long before your boyfriend decides his son really isn't that bad, and unexpectedly brings him home, without letting you know in advance and exposing your daughter to him, because it's <em>no big deal</em>? How long before you and boyfriend get into horrible fights about his son... Your daughter... And she witnesses these and blames herself?</p><p></p><p>I don't mean to be harsh. In fact we may seem a little judgmental, but really, we're not. We're worried.</p><p></p><p>I have 3 stepkids, and 2 of them I consider mine because I have been around for most of their lives. Onyxx... Is so intelligent, so beautiful... And manipulative. OMG. She has hurt husband, me, her little brother... More than once. Physically violent. Verbally abusive. Got away with almost anything while at her mother's. 4.5 years ago accused her stepfather (then bio mom's boyfriend) of molesting her. Children's Services got involved, said it was "indicated" which basically means there is no proof but they believe her. Same general time frame she became sexually active... Age 13. We believed her. Went to great lengths to protect her and Jett. Let her refuse to visit her mother for 2.5 years. husband went to jail for 3 days for not forcing her to visit her mother (contempt of court). She's gotten into drugs and theft, violence, other criminal activity. In and out of juvie. 3 weeks in a teen shelter, 5 months in a therapeutic foster home, 4.5 months in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), she seemed to be doing <em>so</em> much better, and then. She got back together with her old boyfriend. In December she binged and it's been downhill from there. She turned 18 in March and... Now she is living with her mother's mother, who is a huge enabler... boyfriend is in jail for aggravated burglary... Sigh. I love her, but she cannot be in my home with Inky around.</p><p></p><p>Oh, and the molestation accusation? We no longer completely believe her... because she has deliberately, voluntarily been around him... Threw Jett under the bus when we were trying to protect HIM... Basically anyone who helps her gets spit on when they say something she doesn't like.</p><p></p><p>NOW, for my point here... husband and I nearly split up over the whole thing. Onyxx nearly came between us. In fact, he knows this and I will be completely honest, if I had known what I was getting myself into... We wouldn't have made it past the first date. Inky wouldn't exist. You say "keeping her surroundings stable is very important"... Good! But a weekend a month away... Eventually she will figure it out. And when that river breaches the levee you've built...</p><p></p><p>The rate of recidivism among sexual predators - especially young ones - is appallingly high. Even with treatment.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/hugs.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hugs:" title="hugs :hugs:" data-shortname=":hugs:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AnnieO, post: 596562, member: 6705"] Honey... First off... HUGS. I've been where you are re the bio mom and her not agreeing with ANYTHING. Now from that perspective... I know you love your boyfriend. But let me ask you... How long will it be before you begin to resent having to leave YOUR HOME for this criminal? How long do you think it will be before your things - and your daughter's things - are rifled through, stolen, destroyed? How long before your boyfriend decides his son really isn't that bad, and unexpectedly brings him home, without letting you know in advance and exposing your daughter to him, because it's [I]no big deal[/I]? How long before you and boyfriend get into horrible fights about his son... Your daughter... And she witnesses these and blames herself? I don't mean to be harsh. In fact we may seem a little judgmental, but really, we're not. We're worried. I have 3 stepkids, and 2 of them I consider mine because I have been around for most of their lives. Onyxx... Is so intelligent, so beautiful... And manipulative. OMG. She has hurt husband, me, her little brother... More than once. Physically violent. Verbally abusive. Got away with almost anything while at her mother's. 4.5 years ago accused her stepfather (then bio mom's boyfriend) of molesting her. Children's Services got involved, said it was "indicated" which basically means there is no proof but they believe her. Same general time frame she became sexually active... Age 13. We believed her. Went to great lengths to protect her and Jett. Let her refuse to visit her mother for 2.5 years. husband went to jail for 3 days for not forcing her to visit her mother (contempt of court). She's gotten into drugs and theft, violence, other criminal activity. In and out of juvie. 3 weeks in a teen shelter, 5 months in a therapeutic foster home, 4.5 months in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), she seemed to be doing [I]so[/I] much better, and then. She got back together with her old boyfriend. In December she binged and it's been downhill from there. She turned 18 in March and... Now she is living with her mother's mother, who is a huge enabler... boyfriend is in jail for aggravated burglary... Sigh. I love her, but she cannot be in my home with Inky around. Oh, and the molestation accusation? We no longer completely believe her... because she has deliberately, voluntarily been around him... Threw Jett under the bus when we were trying to protect HIM... Basically anyone who helps her gets spit on when they say something she doesn't like. NOW, for my point here... husband and I nearly split up over the whole thing. Onyxx nearly came between us. In fact, he knows this and I will be completely honest, if I had known what I was getting myself into... We wouldn't have made it past the first date. Inky wouldn't exist. You say "keeping her surroundings stable is very important"... Good! But a weekend a month away... Eventually she will figure it out. And when that river breaches the levee you've built... The rate of recidivism among sexual predators - especially young ones - is appallingly high. Even with treatment. :hugs: [/QUOTE]
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