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Serious help needed!18 yr old, now what?
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 297764" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Nope, not a horrible mom at all. Just one who is worn out. Join the club. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p> </p><p>I would suggest you post over in the Parent Emeritus section as well - those parents have been thru it and will probably also be able to give you some good advice.</p><p> </p><p>I wish I had some advice for you - when mine hit 18, he was still in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Funding got cut and he had no where to go. After a lot of hemming and hawing on our part (and more tears than I can tell you), husband and I finally were able to tell difficult child that he could not move back home on a permanent basis. I think it was the hardest thing we've ever done, truly. We said he could come for 2 months max, get a job, save $$, and move out to his own place. He refused because it wasn't long enough (nothing would have been long enough). So he's stumbling along on his own. Did get some help from the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in terms of finding a place to live. Gets most his meals at shelters. It's ugly and heartbreaking but... like you, we have other children in the house who have already endured more than they should have had to because of difficult child's behaviors.</p><p> </p><p>He's not abiding by your rules. Personally, I'd set a moving date. October 1 - he has to leave. Where he goes is *his* choice - get a job, save $$, get an apartment/room/SRO/whatever. Or... don't get a job and figure it out the harder way. If you can get husband to deal with it while you take the other kids away for the day, or vice-versa, that might protect them if it gets ugly. </p><p> </p><p>You might also need to check with local police department about the legality of kicking him out. We would have had to actually evict him (had he come home and then refused to leave), even though he would not have been paying rent. Sheriff, court order, the whole 9 yards. You need to make sure you do it the right way.</p><p> </p><p>You might check to see what services are available for him. Case management, job support, shelters, etc. I did get the phone numbers for those types of agencies together for my kid, but of course he refused to utilize them. Can drag a mule to water but can't make him drink. I still have the numbers - but he will have to make the calls.</p><p> </p><p>It sounds cold and cruel, but he's 18, an "adult", and it's time for him to get on with- the business of living his life. For us, I just could *not* see going back to the way it was (violence, opposition at every step of the way, cops and ambulances and hospitals) and as awful as it was to say "it stops now", we finally had to.</p><p> </p><p>A gentle hug to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 297764, member: 8"] Nope, not a horrible mom at all. Just one who is worn out. Join the club. ;) I would suggest you post over in the Parent Emeritus section as well - those parents have been thru it and will probably also be able to give you some good advice. I wish I had some advice for you - when mine hit 18, he was still in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Funding got cut and he had no where to go. After a lot of hemming and hawing on our part (and more tears than I can tell you), husband and I finally were able to tell difficult child that he could not move back home on a permanent basis. I think it was the hardest thing we've ever done, truly. We said he could come for 2 months max, get a job, save $$, and move out to his own place. He refused because it wasn't long enough (nothing would have been long enough). So he's stumbling along on his own. Did get some help from the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in terms of finding a place to live. Gets most his meals at shelters. It's ugly and heartbreaking but... like you, we have other children in the house who have already endured more than they should have had to because of difficult child's behaviors. He's not abiding by your rules. Personally, I'd set a moving date. October 1 - he has to leave. Where he goes is *his* choice - get a job, save $$, get an apartment/room/SRO/whatever. Or... don't get a job and figure it out the harder way. If you can get husband to deal with it while you take the other kids away for the day, or vice-versa, that might protect them if it gets ugly. You might also need to check with local police department about the legality of kicking him out. We would have had to actually evict him (had he come home and then refused to leave), even though he would not have been paying rent. Sheriff, court order, the whole 9 yards. You need to make sure you do it the right way. You might check to see what services are available for him. Case management, job support, shelters, etc. I did get the phone numbers for those types of agencies together for my kid, but of course he refused to utilize them. Can drag a mule to water but can't make him drink. I still have the numbers - but he will have to make the calls. It sounds cold and cruel, but he's 18, an "adult", and it's time for him to get on with- the business of living his life. For us, I just could *not* see going back to the way it was (violence, opposition at every step of the way, cops and ambulances and hospitals) and as awful as it was to say "it stops now", we finally had to. A gentle hug to you. [/QUOTE]
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Serious help needed!18 yr old, now what?
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