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Setting Boundaries...
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 653230" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am proud of you! Your youngest has manipulated your emotions shamelessly for a very long time. You are setting healthy boundaries and both of you need this! As for your oldest, it seems to me that the only way he is able to understand a higher power is if that higher power is an authority to be afraid of. It has seemed to me to be the only way he could understand authority, so that is how he understands his religion. Just my perspective, but putting boundaries in place for him is also a good thing. He is the son who NEEDS you to set them so that he can see that you value yourself and won't tolerate his nonsense, and he may respond better to you demanding respect than to you offering love. It is just how he sees 'authority' and 'elders'.</p><p></p><p>I could see my daughter asking for a Bible cake at age 5 or 6, so it may be his daughter's idea for a cake. Or it may be what they allowed her to have. I do know that kids raised with an overly strict, authoritarian based religion often rebel very strongly in their teens, so they may have quite a time when their daughter is older. Every single girl in my high school who was raised in a super strict religious family ended up with at least one child before marriage, and 3/4ths of them had their first child before they were out of high school. I realized this my senior year working on the yearbook - every single girl who got preg in high school was from a family that made them swear to be abstinent until marriage and their only social activities were church related, and the only boys they were allowed to spend time with were from their churches. I have always found this interesting, because they were not all from the same church or even the same brand of religion. There were at least 7 different churches that these girls went to. I am NOT saying that the church was the cause, just that it was an interesting fact in my high school.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 653230, member: 1233"] I am proud of you! Your youngest has manipulated your emotions shamelessly for a very long time. You are setting healthy boundaries and both of you need this! As for your oldest, it seems to me that the only way he is able to understand a higher power is if that higher power is an authority to be afraid of. It has seemed to me to be the only way he could understand authority, so that is how he understands his religion. Just my perspective, but putting boundaries in place for him is also a good thing. He is the son who NEEDS you to set them so that he can see that you value yourself and won't tolerate his nonsense, and he may respond better to you demanding respect than to you offering love. It is just how he sees 'authority' and 'elders'. I could see my daughter asking for a Bible cake at age 5 or 6, so it may be his daughter's idea for a cake. Or it may be what they allowed her to have. I do know that kids raised with an overly strict, authoritarian based religion often rebel very strongly in their teens, so they may have quite a time when their daughter is older. Every single girl in my high school who was raised in a super strict religious family ended up with at least one child before marriage, and 3/4ths of them had their first child before they were out of high school. I realized this my senior year working on the yearbook - every single girl who got preg in high school was from a family that made them swear to be abstinent until marriage and their only social activities were church related, and the only boys they were allowed to spend time with were from their churches. I have always found this interesting, because they were not all from the same church or even the same brand of religion. There were at least 7 different churches that these girls went to. I am NOT saying that the church was the cause, just that it was an interesting fact in my high school. [/QUOTE]
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