Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Seven days of laughs...funny~
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 374533" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p style="text-align: left"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: #1f497d">Some of these are not easy child, but funny just the same. I hope they pass the censors!</span></span></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: #1f497d">MONDAY</span></span></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.</span></p><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.</span></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.</span></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.</span></p> </p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying,</span></p><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'</span></p></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: #00b050">TUESDAY</span></span></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!'</span></p><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'</span></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!'</span></p></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">The preacher said, 'No s**t?'</span></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: #e36c0a">WEDNESDAY</span></span></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.</span></p><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.</span></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'</span></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.</span></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'</span></p></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'</span></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: yellow">THURSDAY</span></span></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense. </span></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">'Your Honor,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.'</span></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: #7030a0">FRIDAY</span></span></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa . 'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'</span></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'</span></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: white">SATURDAY</span></span></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her you were only 50?' </span></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'</span></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="color: #984806">SUNDAY</span></span></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland .. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. 'These' she explained, 'Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?' </span></p><p></p><p> </p><p></p><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'">A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!</span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 374533, member: 2211"] [LEFT][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=#1f497d]Some of these are not easy child, but funny just the same. I hope they pass the censors![/COLOR][/FONT][/LEFT] [CENTER][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=#1f497d]MONDAY[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.[/FONT] [CENTER][FONT=Times New Roman]Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.[/FONT][/CENTER] [/CENTER] [CENTER][FONT=Times New Roman]The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying,[/FONT] [CENTER][FONT=Times New Roman]'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'[/FONT][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=#00b050]TUESDAY[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!'[/FONT] [CENTER][FONT=Times New Roman]The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!'[/FONT][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman]The preacher said, 'No s**t?'[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=#e36c0a]WEDNESDAY[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.[/FONT] [CENTER][FONT=Times New Roman]With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'[/FONT][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman]'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=yellow]THURSDAY[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense. [/FONT][/CENTER] [CENTER][FONT=Times New Roman]'Your Honor,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.'[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=#7030a0]FRIDAY[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa . 'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=white]SATURDAY[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her you were only 50?' [/FONT][/CENTER] [CENTER][FONT=Times New Roman]Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=#984806]SUNDAY[/COLOR][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland .. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. 'These' she explained, 'Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?' [/FONT][/CENTER] [CENTER][FONT=Times New Roman]A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours![/FONT][/CENTER] [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Seven days of laughs...funny~
Top