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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 756711" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Don't worry about him so much please. Honest. It won't change anything. Don't wonder why he does destructive things, if you can help it. An addict craves what he is addicted to and that's why they use the substance.</p><p></p><p>He WAS going for help and they have online AA meetings. If he truly wants to be clean, it will happen but he will do it himself. And if he wants to stay clean, anxiety won't cause him to drink. He will instead reach out to fellow AA members who are good at supporting one another.</p><p></p><p>It is all about how much your son wants to stay clean. </p><p></p><p>I have an Al Anon friend who also is an addict. He has been clean for thirty or more years. He is a Sponsor/Mentee to many younger addicts which means they go through the 12 Steps together and he is always on call for them if they need help.</p><p></p><p>This man told us he has many mentors who won't follow through, who start and quit. Some even stop using then relapse and he never sees them again. He sticks it out because of the ones who actually get clean and stay clean. And he says he used to feel badly when a mentored person quit, but he learned that he couldn't do anything about it and that the person had to want it as badly as he did. He stopped feeling as if he hadn't done a good enough job.</p><p></p><p>Currently this man has a drug addict 30 something son with a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) who is doing very poorly. Even with all this man's experience, he can't do anything for him. The son won't listen. He moved far away and calls every so often with promises he never keeps. </p><p></p><p>You can not change your addicted child. None of us can. Reading your son's phone will only hurt you. in my opinion it's best not to check.his texts. If he disappears you can certainly check if he is alive, but I don't feel myself that it should become a habit.</p><p></p><p>How many years have you been monitoring him from a distance to no avail? Do you have any other loved ones who would like your attention? Are you being good to yourself? Please...think of yourself!</p><p></p><p>I wish you peace and blessings and the courage to do what makes you calmer. Be well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 756711, member: 23706"] Don't worry about him so much please. Honest. It won't change anything. Don't wonder why he does destructive things, if you can help it. An addict craves what he is addicted to and that's why they use the substance. He WAS going for help and they have online AA meetings. If he truly wants to be clean, it will happen but he will do it himself. And if he wants to stay clean, anxiety won't cause him to drink. He will instead reach out to fellow AA members who are good at supporting one another. It is all about how much your son wants to stay clean. I have an Al Anon friend who also is an addict. He has been clean for thirty or more years. He is a Sponsor/Mentee to many younger addicts which means they go through the 12 Steps together and he is always on call for them if they need help. This man told us he has many mentors who won't follow through, who start and quit. Some even stop using then relapse and he never sees them again. He sticks it out because of the ones who actually get clean and stay clean. And he says he used to feel badly when a mentored person quit, but he learned that he couldn't do anything about it and that the person had to want it as badly as he did. He stopped feeling as if he hadn't done a good enough job. Currently this man has a drug addict 30 something son with a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) who is doing very poorly. Even with all this man's experience, he can't do anything for him. The son won't listen. He moved far away and calls every so often with promises he never keeps. You can not change your addicted child. None of us can. Reading your son's phone will only hurt you. in my opinion it's best not to check.his texts. If he disappears you can certainly check if he is alive, but I don't feel myself that it should become a habit. How many years have you been monitoring him from a distance to no avail? Do you have any other loved ones who would like your attention? Are you being good to yourself? Please...think of yourself! I wish you peace and blessings and the courage to do what makes you calmer. Be well. [/QUOTE]
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